john1988 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 This is a plea to all the new dumpees to think long and hard whether you actually miss your ex or are just insecure because you have been rejected. I believe in most cases it's the latter and deep down you know this person wasn't right for you and your ex jumped off the sinking ship first but maybe you find it hard admitting it to yourselves? Don't just glamorize the good points when you reminisce, remember the bad also and in the words of the great Caliguy; "Unless they are knocking your door down- NC their ass." If you look at the established members they will all tell you more or less the same, all these people cannot be wrong. You're ex's would put up with most things if they truely loved you and would still be with you and they certainly wouldn't string you along afterwards so don't be that puppet who feeds off crumbs either. You need to go through pain to heal-treat it like a death. Good luck to you all!!!!
moo Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I don't want my ex back, because I decided I don't want to have scum in my life any more.
fawn Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 there is no right or wrong person, its what you make it to be. Look for what you want in a partner and make it all work together. If you guys were happy and loved one another then second chances are worth it. If the relationship was plain and you just kind of happened then thats a friendship mistake people make, they just get together without much passion.
icyness Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I know for sure I do want him back, however, even that is on the back burner for the time being. At this point I'd settle for him giving me much needed answers if he wants nothing to do with me ever again. But yes, deep down inside I know I'll always want him. I've thought of all the scenarios, such as what if I knew he was never with another person again? would I still feel this way? The answer is definitely yes. I miss, love, and want him back. I'm not scared of being alone, I just don't want anyone else.
Beeotch Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Great post! I do believe many times we are just hurt at the rejection or we miss the companionship (missing what you had when you don't have it anymore), you of course feel a loss and loneliness because this person that was a part of your routine/life is no longer there so it is shocking to adjust, you feel like OMG maybe I am not special if they can do this to me, how could they do this? We feel betrayed, cheated. I think a lot of times it is a blow to self-esteem, pride, ego and lots of other emotions and not because it is "true love" or because you genuinely wan them back. NC helps A LOT in figuring out what the deal is. I think it is a reflex response that once you break up to try to get back the person and to think they are your world, it was meant to be etc but trust me...with NC you get time to really think and think hard and when the cloud of emotions and turmoil roll away you may feel completely different! I doubt ANYONE feels the exact same way they did the week of the break up and 3 months later with NC. If you are entangled with the person chances are you might feel worst or the same because you are still walking around in that fog. The first days, weeks, months after my ex and I broke up...I wanted him back and I tried to stay in is life as "friends", the occasional sex etc. I was LIVING for the day he would retract everything and apologize and beg me back....still has not happened and you know what? I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE! In all truthfulness. Through NC and tonnes of thinking, assessing myself, the situation, him etc. I really feel this sense of freedom and realization that he was NOT the best thing since, and that I may not necessarily miss him but just the perks of a relationship. Ofcourse there were things I liked about him but I also realized there was lots I did not like as well and if he came back today I WOULD NOT receive him with open arms. If he came back I would feel GREAT...again because of the ego boosts, boost to self-esteem, confirmation I was special and he is an idiot and things of that nature but would it be because we are perfect, meant to be, my dream man, no one compares? Errr....no.Probably not. At this point I can honestly say I am beginning to feel indifferent....and thinking about being with him again is like a dismal thought. I feel like too much has happened....I thank him for his time in the past, I thank him for breaking up with me (AFTER I brought up problems ) because what I have seen and know now about him and his issues, would have been worst had we stayed together. Someday we might be friends....but I am not looking for a relationship with him again. Especially not anytime soon. I don't know what the future holds...so I cannot say with certainty that it is impossible for us to get back together but I know that it will not happen soon as I am not ready OR interested in him as a bf again.
Author john1988 Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 It's a difficult decision but I think it's always better to move forward, very few success stories come from dating an ex again, I think there would always be doubt in the back of my mind so it's better for me to keep going as I am.
confusingbreakup Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Well, my ex and I dated for like 6 months, he just started his medical residency and that's when problems started. I lost my job and had a lot more time on my hands, while he got a whole lot busier. I really love him but started to get frustrated because he had a frequent habit of canceling plans a lot because he had to work, etc. Then we had a whole lot of drama. I said hurtful things to him about my disappointments that I had always kept inside. He broke up with me, although I had threatened to break up a few times before. Now he wants to be friends, he wants to rebuild our trust and see what happens. We hung out 2 weeks ago and ended up hooking up...he's said since then that he is worried about that happening again because it confuses his emotions. That he wants to build a friendship foundation so that we are both sure that if we do get back together, that we don't make the same mistakes that we made before; and that we have a real foundation of trust. This is hard for me. I want to be friends. I want to keep the door open for us to get back together; but I've never been friends with an ex before. Tonight he said his friends may be trying to set him up without someone, but he's not sure...then I admitted I'd gone on some random dates to try and get over him, and he said that while that bothered him, he was happy I was being proactive about things... I don't know what to do. We are supposed to have dinner next week; he feels like while we may be able to be physical in the future, that we shouldn't the next few times we hang out so we can form a friendship foundation. I got jealous when he talked about how his friends wanted to set him up, etc and told him I wanted him to be happy but didn't think I could be friends with him if he started dating someone else. He feels like if we got back together, it couldn't happen for awhile in the future, that it's not in the "near future." I've gone on dates with other people but still can't get my mind off of him; this is all just really hard. Do any of you know what this is like and have any advice? 1) I do want to be friends and keep the door open for the future. 2) He wants to be friends and keep the door open for the future. 3) I still feel sad when I think about the past relationship and my disappointments. 4) But if I go through a period of no contact, I know that will likely lead to me feeling like he is dead to me and then not ever having contact again -- this has always been my pattern with exes. So I am trying to do this, it's something new. I want to have regular contact and keep the door open and see what happens. It's just so hard. Does anyone have any advice about dealing with this kind of situation? In this case, I feel like it IS worth it to be with him again but know it's not possible right now rationally -- as he said, the disappointments will still be there because of his schedule etc.
CaliGuy Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 This is a plea to all the new dumpees to think long and hard whether you actually miss your ex or are just insecure because you have been rejected. I believe in most cases it's the latter and deep down you know this person wasn't right for you and your ex jumped off the sinking ship first but maybe you find it hard admitting it to yourselves? Don't just glamorize the good points when you reminisce, remember the bad also and in the words of the great Caliguy; "Unless they are knocking your door down- NC their ass." If you look at the established members they will all tell you more or less the same, all these people cannot be wrong. You're ex's would put up with most things if they truely loved you and would still be with you and they certainly wouldn't string you along afterwards so don't be that puppet who feeds off crumbs either. You need to go through pain to heal-treat it like a death. Good luck to you all!!!! LOL, good quote. My answer to the quote is NO. Definitely NO There are much better women out there for me than my whiny ex
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