BigBubbs Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 General Question What do people do to help them not contact the ex? I'm talking about when they are having one of those REALLY WEAK moments and they find themselves dialing the phone or writing a text or email. Emotion sometimes totally takes over and I'm looking for ideas to help stay the coarse. Two weeks and counting BTW.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 remember all the crappy stuff they did to you...... and remember how you are stronger than your strongest urge to call.
adamt Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Things i would do is:- Ring up a friend or relative and just chat about anything Think of how it will feel to go back to day 1 with all that pain and rejection Think the ex will see your number and think "oh no, he is ringing again and hasnt get the message" Think that if you spoke to the ex they will tell you they have found someone else come on a forum like this Go for a walk, just get out of the house for a while go to the gym Think that i want to recover and i wont let the ex win this battle and i am a strong person and want to keep myself respect
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Watch something funny on tv or a funny movie or call someone who always makes you laugh and tell them you need to laugh pronto. Sometimes I pull up old SNL skits online. It never fails! lol
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Imagine your ex stuck on the toilet all day due to the stress this has caused them.
Beeotch Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Call my bestfriend instead.... Speak to myself aloud imagining it was them Write them an email...but I DON'T send it I usually find that what I want is the release of thoughts. feelings etc. So speaking to someone else, speaking aloud or writing it out usually makes me feel better at the end and then I realize I don't have to actually speak to them. I have countless unsent emails and looking at them...THANK GOD I did not send them. I also remember past convos that did not go well, the things they do/say that are upsetting and it turns me off from speaking to them.When I remember this could possibly make me feel even worst....I just don't. I would come on this site instead, watch a movie or do one of the above. For me personally: the strongest deterrent sometimes is their past behavior and remembering what happened last time and maybe it is pride or whatever, but I just get strength from it to say...oh helllll no, I will NOT put myself in that position again and be at their mercy. He can go to helll before I do that! Then I feel better.
mickleb Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Last time I wanted to do that, I wrote a letter to him I knew I wouldn't post. It started off pretty friendly, then got angry really quickly. I felt so much better getting that out of me that it cheered me up a lot. Since then, if I find myself remembering just the good times, I think 'I could write another letter' (won't send it). I get the paper out, then read the last one and that's it. I can't bring myself to be civil! If I were you, write it down every time you remember he did something unfair or hurtful, or whatever, and how that makes you feel. It's a good record to refer to. Two weeks is a difficult time. I'm at five now and it IS easier. Take care. Stay strong. x
moo Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I made a list of things to do instead of contacting my list. I copied it here. Before that, you should make a list of all the nasty, mean, childish or disrespectful things they did in the relationship. Okay so here is the list of things I wrote that I can do instead of contacting my ex (I also added some just now): 1-Look at the list of bad things your ex did to you. 2-Watch TV or movies (no love ones). 3-Go for a walk and leave your phone behind 4-calm down, meditate 5-Tell a friend 6-Call someone else instead 7-Have fun watching crazy things on YouTube- you can look at the thread I started called Links of Laughter 8-Do crafts 9-Post in the forums 10-Read fun books (no romance) 11-Sing and Dance 12-Listen to empowering music 13-Listen to empowering music and dance (Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" or the theme to Alley McBeal, or Gloria Gaynor's "I will Survive.") 14-Hug your pet or a stuffed ragdoll or stuff animal like a teddy bear. Woman's world says that you should discuss your problems with your pets or a stuff animal, just to let you "get it out." 15-Journal 16-Call the depression hotline (in my signature.) 17-Go to http://www.makeachildsmile.org/ Make a Child Smile and read about a sick child and write them a nice upbeat letter or send them a card at via snail mail 18-Sign up to sponsor a child, then write your sponsored child a nice letter and send it via snail mail http://www.childfund.org/ (ChildFund- formerly called Christian Children's Fund.) 19-Start a donation website for a charity that you are passionate about http://www.firstgiving.com/ 20-Blog about something you are passionate about- make a difference. Blog about world peace, blog about helping others in need, etc. 21-Go out to listen to the birds sing and take pictures of the clouds. 22-Read the bible 23-Chant over and over again: "I love myself. I respect myself. I don't need you. I can do better." (Someone in the forums wrote that and it really helps). 24-Read a self-help book I've done most almost ever single one of these-to enrich my life, or to keep from breaking NC.
moo Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I'm not very familiar with the bible. So I need to investigate and find out where the inspirational verses are. My roommate read part of the sermon on the mountain to me (ex: the "meek shall inherit the earth" and other verses in that section of the sermon." I found it inspirational.
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I'm not very familiar with the bible. So I need to investigate and find out where the inspirational verses are. My roommate read part of the sermon on the mountain to me (ex: the "meek shall inherit the earth" and other verses in that section of the sermon." I found it inspirational. I wasn't at all familiar, I barely ever opened it up until earlier this year. Actually, I really never thought I'd be this much into it. I would have never thought a few years ago I'd be giving this advice, or reading myself. But seriously, its the best thing I've ever done, no exaggeration. Anyway I suggest reading Matthew Chapter 6. That was one of the first chapters I read and it truly inspired me. There are a couple of lines there that run through my head all of the time.
joyinSF Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 things i do: 1. write a list of things that annoyed the heck out of my ex (print that list out and put it in your back pocket or somewhere in your room that you can see. ive emailed it to my self) 2. listen to empowering phrases from beyonce, and others "since im not your everything, how about i be nothing, nothing at all to you. i wont shed a tear for you" "i gave the sun to you , you said it was too bright. i gave you diamond rings. you said they didnt shine. i gave the world to you, but you said its not enough. what in the world could i have done to make you be so wrong" after 7 "im doing just fine. getting along very well with out you in my life..i dont need you in my life..time made me stronger, youre no longer on my mind.when you said goodbye, i felt so all alone . there were times i couldnt sleep, my heart was much to weak...after all the misery and pain you put me through, so unfair to me, youre not longer my world, and I AINT MISSING YOU AT ALL" boys to men 3. go on this forum 4. talk to a therapist (at school or find one through insurance) 5. go out with friends...dont ever call him..dont ever text him ...dont ever do anything that involves him!!!!
dianna Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 i write the txt message but never send it..i seriously have over 50 drafts
Author BigBubbs Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 How about fighting the urge of fighting the urge to check their Facebook, Myspace etc. I find even though its not contacting them directly you are still seeing what they are doing and that can be hurtful. I find an overwhelming urge to check sometimes. Harmless for them but painful for me.
HappyAgain Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Remember the absolutely worse thing they did or said to you and remind yourself of it over and over again in your mind until the urge passes.
moo Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I wasn't at all familiar, I barely ever opened it up until earlier this year. Actually, I really never thought I'd be this much into it. I would have never thought a few years ago I'd be giving this advice, or reading myself. But seriously, its the best thing I've ever done, no exaggeration. Anyway I suggest reading Matthew Chapter 6. That was one of the first chapters I read and it truly inspired me. There are a couple of lines there that run through my head all of the time. Thanks. I appreciate that.
moo Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 How about fighting the urge of fighting the urge to check their Facebook, Myspace etc. I find even though its not contacting them directly you are still seeing what they are doing and that can be hurtful. I find an overwhelming urge to check sometimes. Harmless for them but painful for me. Block those sites. Then go here: http://www.freerice.com/ You can play vocabulary, math, and other games and for every one you get right, rice is donated to those in need.
JLT123 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I sometimes hit call on the number then end it before it ever rings. Walking helps a lot for me, and I basically talk to myself about what I would say to her. I think of the things she said to me the last time we spoke, and how utterly distasteful, infantile and classless her words were to a person that devoted three years of their life to her. I think about how much I gave and sacrificed and it was never enough. Lastly, I think about I know she will never change, and her true nature will come out with whomever she's with now, and that someday, somehow, I will come out on top, and will live happily knowing I was the better person.
moo Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 some people are emotional parasites, or (emotional suckers). They suck all of the patience, kindness, caring, emotional support, and nuturance they can and then give nothing in return.
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