JL911 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Wondering if I should break no contact in order to figure out why my relationship was ruined...Why it all went to hell so fast. I dont know if I can move on without the proper honest answers...
deux ex machina Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I highly doubt you'll get the answers you are looking for, this will possibly set you back - the chances of walking away with even more questions, and that this whole thing doing more harm than good, is very, very high.
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 DON'T DO IT. You will not feel better. You will feel worse. Once the newfound information sinks in, you will be wondering about OTHER STUFF. Please, don't do it.
mr heartbroken Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I would agree with what the people above are saying. I tried to find out after a while and got bits and bobs. I just makes you wonder what if and why not try again knowing whare it went wrong. If it helps just tell yourself that it was tha fact that he/she was no longer happy with the relashionship. It might hurt but PLEASE DONT BRAKE THE NO CONTACT RULE...
Thaddeus Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Wondering if I should break no contact in order to figure out why my relationship was ruined...Why it all went to hell so fast. I dont know if I can move on without the proper honest answers...You already know the answer to your own question. And it's the same answer everyone else here has already provided: don't do it. Makes no difference what the other party would say anyhow. Fact is, it's over. Full stop. Reasons are irrelevant. "Closure" doesn't exist. Sure, it hurts. It's massively painful; I get that, we all do. But looking in the rear-view mirror won't do anything to lessen the pain, it will only make it worse.
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 You already know the answer to your own question. And it's the same answer everyone else here has already provided: don't do it. Makes no difference what the other party would say anyhow. Fact is, it's over. Full stop. Reasons are irrelevant. "Closure" doesn't exist. Sure, it hurts. It's massively painful; I get that, we all do. But looking in the rear-view mirror won't do anything to lessen the pain, it will only make it worse. looking in the rear view mirror - I like that analogy. It fits quite well.
kimbop Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I don't know. I think it's situational whether you should get contact with him and seek some answers. That being said, you need to be in the emotional state to take the worst possible answer and be ok with it. It may lead to some self enlightenment more so than understanding the end of the relationship. If you are not in the mind to hear that it was all because of you or infidelity (again the worst answer) then no, you shouldn't. You'll only end up being more messed up. However if you know that it's all over and you don't want to be back with him AND you think the ex is mature and respectul to you as a person then I can't see why you can't go seeking answers so that you can learn from it.
Ingenue Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 If you genuinely feel that you're emotionally and mentally strong enough to hear what your ex may say, you can try approaching him. But you do need to be prepared to hear the worst. Bear in mind that closure does come from within regardless of the answers that your ex gives you. When you're truly ready to let go and move on, it won't matter why the relationship failed.
AnswersPls Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Hi, Pls do not try to seek any answers. I had a guy fren who left his current gf for another gal. When I asked him how was the ex, all he told me was., "she finally gave up".. They were together for 3 yrs! .. and all he can say is, she finally give up. Do you want to be that gal, when your ex's frens ask about you? .. Its been almost 3 months for me since my bad breakup, I was like you.. wanted to know the truth, could not let go.. (mine was 4 yrs).. I wish I had been stronger and moved on without looking back , instead of begging and holding for the first 1 month.. I was in fact holding on to nothing.. If your partner left you, he left you for no reason, he just wanted to have a new life without you. I heard from a fren.that, if your partner feels that you are the one, he will not let you go so easily.. Let time show .. if your partner is yours' .. he will return. . by then, then you will decide if you can still give them a second chance..
Beeotch Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Wondering if I should break no contact in order to figure out why my relationship was ruined...Why it all went to hell so fast. I dont know if I can move on without the proper honest answers... The truth is...you could try. I will not say don't try as you may never know...it may help. However, in my experience often times you do not get any answer at all, an answer that is not honest, or an honest answer that you don't accept and still want more. All of which just make you feel like shyt. Soooo...you can try though but bear that in mind. I find that if someone didn't have the deceny at the point of breaking up to explain things and open the floor to questions then they are probably still too coward to do it and if you confront them it won't change. They have to feel the desire on their own...also from my experience with an ex before, as well as other folks' experience...answers and an apology usually come from these people when THEY come to terms with it and life catches up to them..not when WE want it. So it is best to receive your own closure....and then someday the truth will be revealed. My ex before this one did not speak to me for a year although I emailed him a lengthy email pouring out my heart...then in March of this year after not hearing a peep from him...he emails me explaining what happened between us, his sorrow, how he thought of me daily for that year etc. I did NOTHING to get that apology..it came when I was no longer worried.... I think that is how it works. I remember the days of waiting for an email, text etc that never came and when I stopped caring, had a new man, far removed is when it came. It was when HE was ready. So I suggest you keep going forward as it is only when your ex is ready/truthful with himself/herself that you will get answers.
AnswersPls Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 The truth is...you could try. I will not say don't try as you may never know...it may help. However, in my experience often times you do not get any answer at all, an answer that is not honest, or an honest answer that you don't accept and still want more. All of which just make you feel like shyt. Soooo...you can try though but bear that in mind. I find that if someone didn't have the deceny at the point of breaking up to explain things and open the floor to questions then they are probably still too coward to do it and if you confront them it won't change. They have to feel the desire on their own...also from my experience with an ex before, as well as other folks' experience...answers and an apology usually come from these people when THEY come to terms with it and life catches up to them..not when WE want it. So it is best to receive your own closure....and then someday the truth will be revealed. My ex before this one did not speak to me for a year although I emailed him a lengthy email pouring out my heart...then in March of this year after not hearing a peep from him...he emails me explaining what happened between us, his sorrow, how he thought of me daily for that year etc. I did NOTHING to get that apology..it came when I was no longer worried.... I think that is how it works. I remember the days of waiting for an email, text etc that never came and when I stopped caring, had a new man, far removed is when it came. It was when HE was ready. So I suggest you keep going forward as it is only when your ex is ready/truthful with himself/herself that you will get answers. Good answer. i feel that same way as you too. oNly when they are ready.
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