JLT123 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Been on NC for a little over two months now.. sometimes feel as though the anger of our last conversation has subsided and we can chat normally. Sometimes get the idea she's not with the new guy anymore and think if I don't act now I'll lose my chance forever.. just so many things running through my head. I just don't want to live the rest of my life wondering, and I just wish so bad I could figure this out.. move on either way.
DustySaltus Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Been on NC for a little over two months now.. sometimes feel as though the anger of our last conversation has subsided and we can chat normally. Sometimes get the idea she's not with the new guy anymore and think if I don't act now I'll lose my chance forever.. just so many things running through my head. I just don't want to live the rest of my life wondering, and I just wish so bad I could figure this out.. move on either way. Please don't call her new number JLT. If she wants to get back together she knows where to find you. I don't understand what is left to wonder about after the things that she threw in your face in the past? There's no unfinished business here, she left for whatever reason and only she can realize what she lost. It's not your job to tell her what she lost. Changing her number is serious business, not unfinished business. I know it sucks but you have to continue to get back out there and heal. You and me both.
soheartbroken Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Right there with you JLT. It seems so ridiculous to not be able to speak to eachother.
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 DO NOT contact her. It's a downward spiral. You will regret it and get down on yourself. That is a very dark &miserable place to be. Don't go there. It's worse there than where you are now.
Author JLT123 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Please don't call her new number JLT. If she wants to get back together she knows where to find you. I don't understand what is left to wonder about after the things that she threw in your face in the past? There's no unfinished business here, she left for whatever reason and only she can realize what she lost. It's not your job to tell her what she lost. Changing her number is serious business, not unfinished business. I know it sucks but you have to continue to get back out there and heal. You and me both. Funny thing is she changed on me before when we broke up the first time, then gave me the new one again. Changed her number twice in the span of a year and a half. I could never get away with that with all the people I know. Really shows how few people she knows. And it's really not my intention to tell her what she's lost, just to say I'm fine with everything now (even though I'm not and would go back at teh drop of a dime) and just to tell her she was right about a few things.
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Funny thing is she changed on me before when we broke up the first time, then gave me the new one again. Changed her number twice in the span of a year and a half. I could never get away with that with all the people I know. Really shows how few people she knows. And it's really not my intention to tell her what she's lost, just to say I'm fine with everything now (even though I'm not and would go back at teh drop of a dime) and just to tell her she was right about a few things. Thing is, if you really were fine you really wouldn't contact her. So act like you're fine and don't contact her. The minute you do, it becomes obvious no matter what you say. Think about it. Haven't you ever had a breakup before (one you probably initiated) where you didn't initiate contact after? Maybe you replied to their contacts, maybe you even said 'hi how are you' here and there...but if you're FINE, you don't feel the need to ask them questions or explain yourself in any way, or especially just to tell them you're fine.
Author JLT123 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Thing is, if you really were fine you really wouldn't contact her. So act like you're fine and don't contact her. The minute you do, it becomes obvious no matter what you say. Think about it. Haven't you ever had a breakup before (one you probably initiated) where you didn't initiate contact after? Maybe you replied to their contacts, maybe you even said 'hi how are you' here and there...but if you're FINE, you don't feel the need to ask them questions or explain yourself in any way, or especially just to tell them you're fine. No, you're absolutely right.. a lot of this is the heart rejecting what the head accepts. I will get in touch with her one day, I believe. I hope it's her that does the contacting, but I honestly don't see it happening because she's a little too prideful on that front. Stubborn, too.
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 No, you're absolutely right.. a lot of this is the heart rejecting what the head accepts. I will get in touch with her one day, I believe. I hope it's her that does the contacting, but I honestly don't see it happening because she's a little too prideful on that front. Stubborn, too. This sucks, but its ok. Everything will be alright. Your life is going to get better and better, this is just a minor set back. OK?
Author JLT123 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 This sucks, but its ok. Everything will be alright. Your life is going to get better and better, this is just a minor set back. OK? I appreciate the support, really.. I know in time, it will be alright, it has to. My friends all hate the woman because of what she's done to me, and the person she did it to, me, seems to be the only one defending her. Sad, really... I guess just becaues of the positive person I am, I do nothing but remember the good, and all the little things I honestly loved about her. Just hard to focus on the bad sometimes.
silic0ntoad Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 They always say true love is the act of easing the blade in for them. Your situation seems to embody that. While it hurts, you have to remain vigilant. I am doing so. So are others. Though you may bend, never break! Do NOT break NC. You will be back at Day Zero. And then what? Her answers will leave your pain uncured. Your heart unmended. Any reason she grants will be met with pain and more questions.
Beeotch Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Been on NC for a little over two months now.. sometimes feel as though the anger of our last conversation has subsided and we can chat normally. Sometimes get the idea she's not with the new guy anymore and think if I don't act now I'll lose my chance forever.. just so many things running through my head. I just don't want to live the rest of my life wondering, and I just wish so bad I could figure this out.. move on either way. You won't live the rest of your life wondering....as much as it seems that way now.
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I appreciate the support, really.. I know in time, it will be alright, it has to. My friends all hate the woman because of what she's done to me, and the person she did it to, me, seems to be the only one defending her. Sad, really... I guess just becaues of the positive person I am, I do nothing but remember the good, and all the little things I honestly loved about her. Just hard to focus on the bad sometimes. I know how you feel, I am going through it myself. You are a good person with true feelings and a good heart. That's why you feel this way. It's natural. Give yourself a break! And, you don't have to focus on the bad to move on. Just let your feelings come and go. It's a bit of a ride I'm sure, but if you just brace yourself and let it hit you it will pass. Just don't do anything to prolong this agony (like making contact). If you look at it one way, doing nothing gives you nothing to regret. Right now, you don't have many regrets. Lets keep it that way.
moo Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 DO NOT contact her. It's a downward spiral. You will regret it and get down on yourself. That is a very dark &miserable place to be. Don't go there. It's worse there than where you are now. So many times I want to contact me ex. But Caramel is right. I got tired of going back into that very, very dark hole and having to climb out again. My ex left me, went skipping off to another woman that he did not even know, and never gave me a second thought. He doesn't deserve anything from me. I gonna really try and stay NC because I don't want to hand my sanity over to a man who isn't fit to shine my shoes.
Author JLT123 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 I know how you feel, I am going through it myself. You are a good person with true feelings and a good heart. That's why you feel this way. It's natural. Give yourself a break! And, you don't have to focus on the bad to move on. Just let your feelings come and go. It's a bit of a ride I'm sure, but if you just brace yourself and let it hit you it will pass. Just don't do anything to prolong this agony (like making contact). If you look at it one way, doing nothing gives you nothing to regret. Right now, you don't have many regrets. Lets keep it that way. Very kind of you to say, thank you.. and I totaly agree, silicon. I tend to think she does look back and regret the things she did and said to me at the end. Funny thing is, in her last email to me she said something along the lines of, "I hate you with every fiber of my being and wish we had never met".. I know, thin line and all.. anyway, I had no intention of contacting her after that, and went about my day and went out that night. I got home and saw she called from her home phone. Keep in mind, I did not initiate contact with her. I call back (probably stupid) and that's when she decided to lay into me about how the person she's seeing now she slept with, how he took her to a Tigers game and I never did, etc. She got in contact with me, after changing her cell phone, to fill me in on that information. Simply unreal...
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Very kind of you to say, thank you.. and I totaly agree, silicon. I tend to think she does look back and regret the things she did and said to me at the end. Funny thing is, in her last email to me she said something along the lines of, "I hate you with every fiber of my being and wish we had never met".. I know, thin line and all.. anyway, I had no intention of contacting her after that, and went about my day and went out that night. I got home and saw she called from her home phone. Keep in mind, I did not initiate contact with her. I call back (probably stupid) and that's when she decided to lay into me about how the person she's seeing now she slept with, how he took her to a Tigers game and I never did, etc. She got in contact with me, after changing her cell phone, to fill me in on that information. Simply unreal... What a classy move from your ex. Whatever. Brush it off. She wanted to hurt you, that was her mission. Let her regret this one day, let her seek redemption in her own way. It is not your place any longer to relieve her from guilt, or to seek revenge on her (not that you said you would, I'm just saying). The best thing you can do is be silently peaceful.
Beeotch Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 So many times I want to contact me ex. But Caramel is right. I got tired of going back into that very, very dark hole and having to climb out again. My ex left me, went skipping off to another woman that he did not even know, and never gave me a second thought. He doesn't deserve anything from me. I gonna really try and stay NC because I don't want to hand my sanity over to a man who isn't fit to shine my shoes.[/QUOTE] LOVE this line....
Author JLT123 Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 been eating once a day.. usually a sandwich.. friend told me he's worried about my weight loss.. alcohol usually occupies the rest of the calories.. approach other women.. have sex sometimes.. doesn't help
moo Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 been eating once a day.. usually a sandwich.. friend told me he's worried about my weight loss.. alcohol usually occupies the rest of the calories.. approach other women.. have sex sometimes.. doesn't help Stop that! Listen, you have to pull yourself together. No alcohol. NO sex. Heal. Heal in a healthy way. These things are destructive when you are in so much pain. Heal in a healthy productive, not destructive way.
phoenix1 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 JLT, I really feel your pain. I am having a really difficult day today. The worst in awhile. Full of sadness, hurt, and really missing him. Like you I would love to have my ex back...I miss him sooo much. I feel really defective sometimes because I do want him back, and he doesn't deserve me. Why can't I just get over him? But even thought I want him back, I don't know that I should have him back. And I agree with everybody about NC. It is so, so, hard, but really, the times I have broken it in the past, I felt stupid, worse, and didn't get any of the answers or responses or whatever I thought I would. And I was back to square one, or even back further actually. There have been a few times where I should have just left things and I felt compelled to come at someone who didn't want to be, basically, reminded of how badly they treated me. That is not a conversation they are eager to have. I know one thing, feelings change. And even if you are not going to be all better tomorrow, or the next day, the feelings will change. Getting over heartbreak is not always a straight foward line, there will be bad days, really bad days and kinda OK days for now.
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