foreal Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Gawd- Today I am just sick of all these cheaters (including my H) and their boo-hooing. "I don't know what to do"...wahhhhwahhhh wahhhhh!! "I'm so confused"....wahhhhhh wahhhhhhhh "I was out of my mind"...boo hooo hoooooooo! "I never meant for it to happen"...wahh wahhh whahhhhh!! "I am on a roller coaster"...booohooooo bahhhh wahhhhhh and on and on... Somebody call these people a WHAAAAMBULANCE. Grow some balls and sack up. That goes for women cheaters too.
Lizzie60 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Well.. may I ask you .. why are you putting up with all the excuses and boo-hooing..?
EricaH329 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I do not agree with cheating in any way, but if your H cheated on you and is trying to tell you how he feels... then I don't think that should be brushed off as 'boo-hooing'. Have you tried asking him why he feels like he is on a "roller-coaster"? Have you asked him what he seems to be confused about? It sounds like you don't care very much... in which I would have to agree with the above post of "Why are you putting up with it"?
HUFI Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Gawd- Today I am just sick of all these cheaters (including my H) and their boo-hooing. "I don't know what to do"...wahhhhwahhhh wahhhhh!! "I'm so confused"....wahhhhhh wahhhhhhhh "I was out of my mind"...boo hooo hoooooooo! "I never meant for it to happen"...wahh wahhh whahhhhh!! "I am on a roller coaster"...booohooooo bahhhh wahhhhhh and on and on... Somebody call these people a WHAAAAMBULANCE. Grow some balls and sack up. That goes for women cheaters too. If the act of simply saying " I am sorry, I will not do it again, I will work on improving our marriage etc" was all that was needed to allow everyone to just get onto the bussiness of having a life again, well, I am sure that we would all do that in the snap of a finger. But its not that easy for anyone involved in these affairs and that includes us two time cheating husband/wives. Perhaps we have guilt, perhaps we have remorese, perhaps we are just human but its not easy and I dare anyone to say anything different once they have gone throught this. If I do not show some sensitivity, I will become a callous heartless bastard who cheated. If I do show sensitivity, then i am a crying boo hooing two timing cheater who deserves what he gets. Since it seems that we are going to get **** on no matter what, we might as well react the way our hearts and souls tell us to do. Oh, btw, can you direct me to a box of tissues, I think I am going to cry.
Author foreal Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Well.. may I ask you .. why are you putting up with all the excuses and boo-hooing..? Because it's a 'process'- the whole recovering from an A- at least that's what I keep hearing.... kinda like making sausage..it is not all that pretty, yet in the end, sometimes you get a really tasty link..ha ha!! My H's boo hoos are mainly just him being so down on himself (the other boohoos I quoted are from other posters)..and I do feel bad for him...and all the cheaters who really are sorry and remorseful...but damn, sometimes I just want to slap him and say SNAP OUT OF IT! But instead I vent here- b/c I don't want to beat him down more than he's already beat himself down...does that make sense? I am off to get a massage now...I have PMS.
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Foreal, you have every right to feel nauseated and angry. You’re emotions aren’t any less valid than anyone else’s. Hopefully, once you’ve had the time to get over the initial shock and process all that’s been done to you, you’ll be all that much closer to coming to your own conclusions about doing what’s best for you. It’s all part of the journey and you WILL survive.
2sure Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 [QUOTE=foreal;2363322]Gawd- Today I am just sick of all these cheaters (including my H) and their boo-hooing. "I was out of my mind"...boo hooo hoooooooo! Grow some balls and sack up. That goes for women cheaters too. Yep. The out of mind crap is what my H is leading with at the moment. And truthfully his behavior, his lack of discretion certainly points to a man not running on all cylinders. But you know, I dont buy it. Its an excuse, a freaking LUXURY. Look! Look! I got pills!! Shut up. If you're crazy you are functionally crazy just like the rest of us. Personally, one way or the other I will forgive him and move my life forward from his lies and the cheating - the sex I could care less about... But the fact that when there was no use denying anything...he still couldn't say the words. Own it *******. If I can hear it and see it and still stand up....what a crybaby bitch.
PhoenixRise Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 :laugh: Foreal I LOVE your threads. You get the long faces and the sad eyes and the tears, and the I am such a bad person to have done this, and the I was so stupid, and the I am so sorry. AND Sometimes it just gets on your damn nerves because WTF is he expecting???? For YOU to make him feel all better about everything? I Know. AND HERE Sometimes it does get to be a little much. With the... I am so confused... but I aint leaving I loved OW so much..... but I aint leaving I never felt such passion.... but I aint leaving But I am so confused..........I don't know what to do.... But truly, I know that you know if your H wasn't showing remorse and facing up to what he did you would have no chance at fixing your marriage. and the WS here are for the most part really trying to figure out how they got to such a bad place. BUT I get it.
NoIDidn't Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Gawd- Today I am just sick of all these cheaters (including my H) and their boo-hooing. "I don't know what to do"...wahhhhwahhhh wahhhhh!! "I'm so confused"....wahhhhhh wahhhhhhhh "I was out of my mind"...boo hooo hoooooooo! "I never meant for it to happen"...wahh wahhh whahhhhh!! "I am on a roller coaster"...booohooooo bahhhh wahhhhhh and on and on... Somebody call these people a WHAAAAMBULANCE. Grow some balls and sack up. That goes for women cheaters too. Love it! Of course the cheaters will come and say "its not that simple" and more blah blah blah. But the truth is, this wallowing in the *confusion* is only going to create more wallowing. Any therapist worth their salt will tell them that as well. Classic case of time to sh*t or get off the pot!
Juniper22 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Yep! My neighbor has been tired of her husbands boo-hooing to. That's why this makes the tenth, yes the tenth time in almost a year she has taken him back. Man he knows how to boo-hoo himself right on back into her life! I'm sorry this has happened to you and trying to work it out is good, BUT don't be like my neighbors, that's just crazy!
redtail Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Gawd- Today I am just sick of all these cheaters etc... I am so with you...
MistyK Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 We all make mistakes, and none of us here is infallible. Isn't it better for a WS to feel awful about what they did as opposed to sweeping it under the rug? The WS's are entitled to their feelings of failure and disappointment in themselves just as the BS's are entitled to feel betrayed. Part of the attraction to the OW/OM is that they make the MP feel good about themselves. When the A ends, that stops and they face scorn from everyone around them. It's a lonely place to be.
freestyle Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I think this comes down to crocodile tears vs. genuine expressions of truly heartfelt remorse.
NoIDidn't Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 We all make mistakes, and none of us here is infallible. Isn't it better for a WS to feel awful about what they did as opposed to sweeping it under the rug? The WS's are entitled to their feelings of failure and disappointment in themselves just as the BS's are entitled to feel betrayed. Part of the attraction to the OW/OM is that they make the MP feel good about themselves. When the A ends, that stops and they face scorn from everyone around them. It's a lonely place to be. And the solution is to whine about it all the time? Somehow I doubt that. I don't, for the life of me, understand the point about bringing up the attraction to the OP because they felt good about themselves? A subtle jab at BSs that are tired of, well, a bunch of BS?! Look, if the whining WS wants to go and feel good about themselves, then they shouldn't be trying to fix their marriage where they will likely feel anything but good for some time. There is a limit to how much whining the WS gets to do about a situation that they created.
redtail Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 etc... When the A ends, that stops and they face scorn from everyone around them. It's a lonely place to be. MistyK, I appreciate what you're attempting here, to see the WS through compassion and understanding. BUT, the "It's a lonely place to be" is just a little much for a person that created their situation. I feel for all the "lonely people" in prison too, but those are the consequenses of their actions.
2sure Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Gawd- Today I am just sick of all these cheaters (including my H) and their boo-hooing. "I was out of my mind"...boo hooo hoooooooo! AND ANOTHER THING...about my H playing the I'm mentally ill card: If anyone gets to claim mental illness as an excuse for bad behavior, its gonna be ME jackass!
Els Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 While I see what you're getting at, I really don't see how posting a rather immature flame post is going to help your point. I'm sorry, I really don't.
MistyK Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I don't, for the life of me, understand the point about bringing up the attraction to the OP because they felt good about themselves? A subtle jab at BSs that are tired of, well, a bunch of BS?! It wasn't intended to be a jab. I just mean WS's may be grieving a loss - a loss of their identity, of trust in the M, of respect of people around them, and a relationship that made them feel good - it mitigated the bad feelings about knowing it was wrong and then it is lost so they have to face the full reality of what happened. That's all I was trying to say. Yes that is their fault, but it is understandable to be upset about it anyway, isn't it? Look, if the whining WS wants to go and feel good about themselves, then they shouldn't be trying to fix their marriage where they will likely feel anything but good for some time. Everybody wants to feel good about themselves. Everyone. Is a marriage supposed to be an awful place that reminds you of what a failure you are?
PhoenixRise Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 We all make mistakes, and none of us here is infallible. Isn't it better for a WS to feel awful about what they did as opposed to sweeping it under the rug? The WS's are entitled to their feelings of failure and disappointment in themselves just as the BS's are entitled to feel betrayed. Part of the attraction to the OW/OM is that they make the MP feel good about themselves. When the A ends, that stops and they face scorn from everyone around them. It's a lonely place to be. Misty I get what you are saying. But in the case of a WH who is trying to reconcile it can get to be a bit much. It is a fine line I suppose. There has to be genuine remorse and soul searching for reconciliation to happen, but at a certain point you do have to stop crying about it and start just letting your actions speak. It can get exhausting for a BS to have to deal with all the pain and anger and uncertainty THEY are feeling, then to have a weeping WS wanting you to make THEM feel better on top of this......
MistyK Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 It can get exhausting for a BS to have to deal with all the pain and anger and uncertainty THEY are feeling, then to have a weeping WS wanting you to make THEM feel better on top of this...... I totally get you. It's annoying to feel that you have to hold the hand of someone who just stabbed you in the back with that hand. However (and I mean this is the most gentle possible way) I'm sure it annoys the WS to be continually beaten up over the A for years on end after they've shown remorse, etc. Having never been a BS, I honestly don't know how you guys manage it - it seems like a tremendous uphill battle to "recover" for everyone.
PhoenixRise Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Everybody wants to feel good about themselves. Everyone. Is a marriage supposed to be an awful place that reminds you of what a failure you are? NO. But a spouse is not supposed to be a haven to protect you from facing what you are either. If you cheated on your spouse then you HAVE failed. You failed to honor your promises. You failed to stay faithful to your spouse and you betrayed people who trusted you. It is a failure. AND if you stay in the marriage, until your actions show that you have changed then yes, some aspects of the marrige will remind you that you failed. A BS can't stay angry forever and expect to have a successful reconciliation, but at the same time it is not the BS job to make the CS feel ok about the mess that was made.
jasminetea Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I'm sure it annoys the WS to be continually beaten up over the A for years on end after they've shown remorse, etc. Having never been a BS, I honestly don't know how you guys manage it - it seems like a tremendous uphill battle to "recover" for everyone. The boohooing that's being discussed here doesn't actually have much to do with remorse though but everything to do with self-obsession, which is probably what got them having affair(s) to start with!
PhoenixRise Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I totally get you. It's annoying to feel that you have to hold the hand of someone who just stabbed you in the back with that hand. However (and I mean this is the most gentle possible way) I'm sure it annoys the WS to be continually beaten up over the A for years on end after they've shown remorse, etc. Having never been a BS, I honestly don't know how you guys manage it - it seems like a tremendous uphill battle to "recover" for everyone. I answered this point in my previous post but I will say again. If you are reconciling you can't stay angry forever. Eventually you have to put it behind you and move on. However, I do think that many WS who complain about being continually beat up by the BS over the affair are complaining about this to their AP so they have no real legitimate complaint:cool:
PhoenixRise Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 The boohooing that's being discussed here doesn't actually have much to do with remorse though but everything to do with self-obsession, which is probably what got them having affair(s) to start with! I agree It is a self pitying, self obsessive, primal whine. Not real remorse.
PhoenixRise Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Gawd- Today I am just sick of all these cheaters (including my H) and their boo-hooing. "I was out of my mind"...boo hooo hoooooooo! AND ANOTHER THING...about my H playing the I'm mentally ill card: If anyone gets to claim mental illness as an excuse for bad behavior, its gonna be ME jackass! 2Sure You are more than just a little bit scary;) Please don't do anything rash.
Recommended Posts