BigBubbs Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I haven't spoken to the Ex in 2 weeks. As I've explained in other posts she's 40 with a couple of teenagers and is a full time single parent. She's had some abusive relationships in the past and has trouble with trust and self esteem (her words). We argued 3 weeks ago about me needing to talk to her one night when her daughter was sick (I had a brutal day and was being needy). She blew me off the phone and we then didn't have contact for 4 days at which time she said she had to end things. I tried a few days later to talk to her and then wrote her a letter about how I thought relationships required work and shouldn't be disposable. I told her that I loved her and wanted to work on things with her (never heard anything back). We were dating for over a year and had started talking about moving in together. She hates conflict and runs away from it according to her. How do I make this right? I feel that me running back is very needy but I don't think she'll initiate anything herself. It's almost like she always thought I would leave her and was too good for her and I feel maybe she just pre-empted me. Don't know. FYI she texted and left a message about getting her stuff back which I sent but that's all I've heard. Please give advice. I want her back as I miss her and the children. I was the first person since their father 8 years ago to be actively invloved with them, which I feel shows me that she was serious about us. What should I do?
DustySaltus Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I haven't spoken to the Ex in 2 weeks. As I've explained in other posts she's 40 with a couple of teenagers and is a full time single parent. She's had some abusive relationships in the past and has trouble with trust and self esteem (her words). We argued 3 weeks ago about me needing to talk to her one night when her daughter was sick (I had a brutal day and was being needy). She blew me off the phone and we then didn't have contact for 4 days at which time she said she had to end things. I tried a few days later to talk to her and then wrote her a letter about how I thought relationships required work and shouldn't be disposable. I told her that I loved her and wanted to work on things with her (never heard anything back). We were dating for over a year and had started talking about moving in together. She hates conflict and runs away from it according to her. How do I make this right? I feel that me running back is very needy but I don't think she'll initiate anything herself. It's almost like she always thought I would leave her and was too good for her and I feel maybe she just pre-empted me. Don't know. FYI she texted and left a message about getting her stuff back which I sent but that's all I've heard. Please give advice. I want her back as I miss her and the children. I was the first person since their father 8 years ago to be actively invloved with them, which I feel shows me that she was serious about us. What should I do? You have to ask yourself a question. In the long run is it healthier for YOU to put up with her constant ultimatums and be her whipping boy OR to slowly but surely find a way to get over her, although it will and i'm sure has hurt a ton. As you've said before, she is a runner. You are a stand up guy. There are so many single mothers. let alone single women in general that would love to have a guy like you. They would NEVER let a guy like yourself go. It's not your job to make her see the light, she needs to see it. Take it from me, I broke NC a few days ago and was regretting it ever since. I was getting better and now I have to start from scratch...don't make the same mistake I did. Get back out there and stay NC with her. There's no bigger effect on someone than silence, let her be alone with her thoughts. There is no greater medicine, believe me. In the meantime get out there and date a few women.
Author BigBubbs Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Dusty thanks. She's already posted herself back on a dating site and the part that hurts the most is that even though I gave her the best year of her life (according to her)and she has never introduced anyone to her family and kids before she's literally just moving on while I sit here in pain and wondering WTF happened. I have everything she said she wanted but yet she is running when we have an argument. She's tried to run before but I always buckled and tried to make it right. I keep thinking she's regretting what she's done and will just reach out to me but I have no way of knowing.
DustySaltus Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Trust me, if someone wants to get in contact with you they will find a way. When I initially went NC with my X, I blocked her 99 out of 100 ways, but of course she found another way to get through to me...it was in vain, but they know where we are. Remember the whole point of NC is to heal yourself. Don't think about what she's doing..she's just continuing to be herself, how did that work out?
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