Daisy86 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I recently read this article named "Are you dating a loser". And one of the characteristics is this - Quick Attachment and Expression: “The Loser” has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to “The Loser” is how quickly he or she says “I Love You” or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you’ll hear that you’re the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You’ll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the “honeymoon phase” — where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying “If it’s too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!” You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you’ll miss the major point — it doesn’t make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a long time and a lot of information before offering a commitment — not three weeks. It’s true that we can become infatuated with others quickly — but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause “The Loser” to detach from you as quickly as they committed. “The Loser” typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship. So, do you think all guys who behave more or less in this manner with a girl are "losers"? I am asking coz my ex behaved like this. Our relationship lasted 3 months. He had asked me out in less than a month after meeting me only once. We had a long distance relationship. During which we had met thrice totally. And he had asked me to marry him in a one and a half months. What do you think?
espec10001 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 It means he probably really did love you. Where is this ex now?
Island Girl Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Not a hard fast rule at all. My best friends parents met and three weeks later were married. It is now 37 years later and they are so in love it is still visible when they are in a room together. My husband and I met and exchanged "I love you's" within a couple of weeks. We are married and even more devoted today and it is eight years later. Every couple is different.
MadDriver Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Let me see if I get this straight. If I shower a girl with attention, pay for nice dates, and want to committ early, then I'm a loser. On the other hand, if I'm distant, never offer to pay for anything, and unwilling to committ, then I'm a cheap guy with Ausperger's syndrome. Did I get the gist of this?
frustrated&sad Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Not a hard fast rule at all. My best friends parents met and three weeks later were married. It is now 37 years later and they are so in love it is still visible when they are in a room together. My husband and I met and exchanged "I love you's" within a couple of weeks. We are married and even more devoted today and it is eight years later. Every couple is different. I agree with Island Girl that every couple is different. That said, I found that I had a similar experience to yours and what was described in the article you posted; it lasted 3 + years, but my ex fit that description to a T. I would say that you should always go with your gut instinct. During out honeymoon phase, I just ignored my gut instinct and let myself fall head over heals. But there was a voice that told me to slow down. I do think that the circumstances chance depending on the individuals and couple, but in general rushing into things is never a great idea.
loveslife Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I agree with frustrated and sad. Rushing into things is not generally in our best interests, not for something as important as giving our heart away. I also had a similar experience to yours. The guy was consumed with feelings for me, "hadn't felt this way in years," said I love you right away, wanted me to move in very quickly, talked about marriage...then three months later he was gone. Just like that. He moved on right away. It took me about two years. I waited for him to come back, making up excuses as to why he couldn't. Don't do that to yourself.
Hkizzle Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 That rule isn't a for certain rule. Having said that, that rule is well known for spotting insecure, possessive, even abusive men. Abusive men are insecure and try to get the girl into a relationship relatively fast.
Author Daisy86 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 My ex is in another city. He wanted to keep in touch. We broke up coz he said he wanted to be just friends for now. All of a sudden. And I did not want to be just friends so we broke up. He was very diplomatic though. And I got the impression that he didn't care too much. But we keep in touch now. I still don't know if he cares. But he said we could meet if I don't mind. I have shifted to his city as I got a job there.
GorillaTheater Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I did this sort of thing when I was in my late teens, the quick attachment thing and early inappropriate "I love yous". I think it probably had to do with lack of bonding with a mom, but who knows. I don't know that it made me a "loser" per se, but I certainly "lost" in the dating game much more so than I would have otherwise. It took getting burned two or three times before I wised up and kept some appropriate distance early in a relationship. Luckily for me, I recognized that the problem lay with me and not on the girls/women.
silic0ntoad Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Let me see if I get this straight. If I shower a girl with attention, pay for nice dates, and want to committ early, then I'm a loser. On the other hand, if I'm distant, never offer to pay for anything, and unwilling to committ, then I'm a cheap guy with Ausperger's syndrome. Did I get the gist of this? Welcome to the world of women's minds, my friend.
fawn Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Thats not always true, but it takes a lot longer to say "i love you" you dont love anyone after 2 weeks. I would say at least 2 months and about a year to really see if you love the person.
Island Girl Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Thats not always true, but it takes a lot longer to say "i love you" you dont love anyone after 2 weeks. I would say at least 2 months and about a year to really see if you love the person. Oh please. Tell me again when I knew I loved my husband? :rolleyes: And please tell me whether it was real or not? :rolleyes:
alphamale Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Thats not always true, but it takes a lot longer to say "i love you" you dont love anyone after 2 weeks. I would say at least 2 months and about a year to really see if you love the person. what about all the GIs that came back after WWII and married some woman right quick and STAYED married for 4 or 5 decades?
Island Girl Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 what about all the GIs that came back after WWII and married some woman right quick and STAYED married for 4 or 5 decades? Exactly. Even cynical Alpha knows the real deal.
Hkizzle Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 what about all the GIs that came back after WWII and married some woman right quick and STAYED married for 4 or 5 decades? haha, that was a different era. But then men were actually expected to get married. Plus after seeing your friends get blown up, I think most men want to settle down back to a peaceful life.
BCCA Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 You cant really make a blanket statement like 'you cant fall in love without X amount of time passing'. It just happens. The first time I fell in love it took about 6 months for me to realize it. The last time, it took me like a month, and I knew for sure. The dynamic between 2 people is always different.
missdependant Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 So, do you think all guys who behave more or less in this manner with a girl are "losers"? "Loser" maybe a bad word for it. I'd think it was someone with issues. ..I'd find it creepy and annoying though, for sure.
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