TeacupMovinON Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I am in my late twenties and I don't have any childeren. Had a child once that passed away after birth. In my early twenties I married a man who had one child. This turned out to be very difficult for me as the child and I could not seem to relate. The child was taught by his mother to resent me. I tried to be a good step-mother but I now see that I was not the best. I later dated a man with three children. Oh how I loved these girls. They were my world! Their mother loved me and made it easier for me to have a relationship with them. When the relationship ended, I pined over the kids. Still miss them. Now I am interested in another man who, of course, has two childern. One is just a baby and the other is about 8 years old. I wondering if a woman without any children can have a successful relationship with a man who already has his 'family'. Has anyone experienced this?
CarrieT Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 My condolences. My girlfriend went through something similar where she essentially raised her boyfriend's daughter from the age of 2 to 11. Then they broke up and she lamented the loss of the daughter more than the guy. In that regards, I adamantly REFUSE to date a man with children. I have pissed off some guys on dating sites who accuse me of being short-sighted or limiting myself by not even considering them. It is an easy thing to avoid, if you feel strongly about it. Just like not dating a smoker, a drug user, a short man, a man of certain ethnicity, etc.
bella16 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Very sorry about the passing of your child. I always told myself I'd never date a guy with kids, because I'm still young and I just didn't want to deal with any issues with the mother or anything like that. Well I met my ex (whos trying to get me back right now) back in February, and the first thing he told me was that he had a daughter. He's 30 and I'm 23. He's never been married and had her when they were very young. She is 8 years old. I had a great feeling about this guy, so I put the no children rule to the side. I did not meet her right away... he wanted to wait a little while to make sure I wasn't just someone coming and going. We became officially a couple about 2 months after meeting and dating and I finally met her a little bit after. She absolutely loved me.. I guess I could say I got lucky with this one because of the horror stories I've heard from other people. She clinged onto me so fast, and we grew a special relationship...one that I never thought I'd have ever. She is the sweetest little girl and simply adores me and looks up to me. When we broke up, I mainly concerned about not seeing her.. I did not want her to get so attached and then never see me again.. now her father wants to reconcile with me and I really am willing just not right away, we need to talk about things.. and I really want to be back in her life again. So my whole view is its fine if a man has kids. I see it in a good way, because they are more mature from raising their own child, and they look at life in a different perspective. I don't think I could do it if the child was a baby... like newborn - 3 years old. Since in my situation, shes 8 years old and her mother and father have not been together since she was a few months old, it was easier for me to take in bc her mother is married and I had nothing to worry about with drama from her. Baby mama drama is one thing I don't ever want to deal with.
Author TeacupMovinON Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Thank you both for your responses. I have found it rather difficult finding a man of the same maturity level as myself, who does not have children. It is as if they are so rare that they are already taken! Anyway, I have the desire to have a child of my own someday so this is also an issue. I can't help but think of issues associated with that...Would my child be loved as much as the children who came before? Could I love his children as much as I needed to/as much as my own? Things like that.
caramel c Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I would not date a guy who has kids. That is one first I'd like to experience with him, God willing. I'm not telling anyone else not to, but its just not for me.
SierraRose Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I am a single mother. I personally prefer to date a man who has children. I am 39 and at a diiferent stage of my life. My son is an only child. I don't want any more children of my own; however, I would love for my boy to have the next best thing-step-siblings. When entering a relationship with a partner that has children, you are walking into an entirely different world. The children come first, not you. There are baby momma's to deal with, whether an ex-w or ex-g/f. There are more money issues, like child support and alimony. There is often a lot of drama. You have to ask yourself how much YOU are prepared to deal with. IMO, I don't think it is so cut and dry to date or not to date a man with children. A man could have one child who is a nightmare, or three kids who are awesome. IMO, keep your eyes open wide and assess each situation differently.
alphamale Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 after having a few bad experiences i would say that people without children should date people without children. its just too much hassle and work to date a "family" in addition you usually have to deal with the ex which many times can be a nightmare in and of itself
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