nineyearsgone79 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Hello, Humf...so I've just gone through my first week of the break up. I was with a guy for 9 years...part was long distance part was together in person. So recently we mentioned planning a trip. He started to grow distance though as he had started a new job which he was unhappy about at a local retailer..not exactly his cup of tea. Anyway, we chatted and he said he would contact me "tomorrow" ..tomorrow never came! I tried contacting him for 3 days and grew worried. Finally day 3 I got an email saying: I haven't written or returned your calls because I needed time to think about what I need to say to you. ----- I have decided that I need to end this relationship. We've tried and tried to find our way, and it's apparent to me that this is not working, and that it's never going to work for me. I want to find happiness in my life, and in order to do that, I've decided to move on. I know this hurts. It hurts me too, but it would hurt more to drag the inevitable on. I hope you find the happiness you deserve in your life, but it can't include me. I think it is best that this is the end. I will not be contacting you, and would appreciate you not contacting me, as it will only hurt more. That's something I don't want to do. We just both need to move on. - XXX (his name of course) ----- Anyway......Yah I feel completely and utterly cheated after 9 years! I wrote him not angry not mad but sad and trying to find out why and if we could just have a chat..but NOTHING! I duno... he was always trying to get his "career" together and it never happened. I even offered him a stay at my place when i was in a big city so he could look for work. I think he was scaired or something. He's still living at home with his mom and dad. What is Wrong with this guy!?!?! Thanks! Hurt and Sad Lady
Island Girl Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Nine years and an e-mail break up - that totally sucks. Whatever is wrong with him be glad you found out now instead of after another nine years or even nine months! If he had it in him to simply send an e-mail and break it off like that after so much time and emotion invested then who knows if he just would have been one of those where you go to work one morning with a kiss good bye as usual and you come home to find an empty house with a note on the refrigerator saying "I've moved on". There are just people out there in this world who can cut and run with no thought of the other person. I am so sorry about what you are going through. As difficult as it is do not contact him. Do what you can to stay really busy and reach out to your friends and family for support. He is worthless.
mickleb Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 nineyears - what a bast*rd. It is UNBELIEVABLE what some people will do. I am SO sorry you're having to deal with this. The only consolation I can offer is along the same lines as Island Girl: this guy is just a walking timebomb. He has no ability to empathise and no useful communication skills. It will be incredibly hard for you to come to terms with this. The book Journey From Heartbreak To Connection, should help. Keep posting here, through the rocky ride. Again, I'm so, so sorry you've been treated SO awfully. Take care. xxx
john1988 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Cowardly way out after so long but if he truely doesn't contact you again then you will appreciate him for the love and respect in time.
Palmer253 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I don't think an email break up is appropriate after 9 dates let alone 9 f*cking years! What a douchebag.
Ingenue Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 nineyearsgone79, *hugs*. I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now. Having gone through a similar situation (email dumped after 5 years together), the only advice I can offer is to tell you how lucky you are. While I know that you're going through immense emotional grief and hurt, consider yourself lucky that you now know the type of person you were dating. Your ex's method of break up is cowardly and despicable and reflects how inconsiderate, discourteous and revolting he is that he would disrespect you and your past relationship to break up with you in this manner. Every break up should be participatory (not necessarily mutual), but each party should have an opportunity to ask questions, have their say and understand why the break up occurred. His break up email robs you of that opportunity. The best course of action for you is to not give this man another thought. He is not worthy of your time and doesn't deserve any more attention. Purge him from your mind like you would toss the trash. I know this sounds harsh, but having gone through your situation, I can tell you that you dodged a bullet. His break up was actually a blessing in disguise because it'll make you realize what a colossal douche he is. You deserve better.
Arabella Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 If it makes you feel better... my SO didn't even have it in him to write me an email when he needed a break (not quite a break up although it feels like that's what it turned out to be because he's gone NC...). He sent me a text message, of all things. Only after a couple of days he finally talked to me in person although he did not to want to discuss the subject. I think some people simply cannot handle seeing the other person hurt, or perhaps they just fear they will not have the strength to go through with it if they do it in person. Therefore, they choose to do it through the medium that affords them the most safe way of doing it without fear of your reaction. Once the email is sent, it's done. They don't have to deal with tears, anger, questions, etc... I understand it, but nonetheless it sucks for the person on the receiving end. It's definitely a coward's act and, especially after a longer relationship, it would really make me think if this is somebody I want to be with in the first place. Arabella
Beeotch Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 This SERIOUSLY sucks...I'm really sorry I really do not know what his issue is....but I would send him an email getting out ALL my feelings and then leave him alone. I really do not even know what to say...I can't imagine. Especially since he seemed so dry and unfeeling in the email. But whatever the problem is, don't feel cheated. I know it is hard but it's been a while since my breakup and initially I felt bamboozled but NOW...oh please. I realize it is a blessing in disguise and everything happens for a reason and the time I spent with him was supposed to happen and now it is time for something new, different and BETTER. You should view it in the same way.... I am sure going over your relationship mentally there must have been issues maybe even red flags and signs...it takes a while after the split to really realize them but once you do you are amazed at what was hidden infront of your face and how much you can actually do better. So while it is going to hurt for a while...he made his decision for whatever reasons and I would view it as the end of this journey and the beginning of a brand new one.
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