sandcast123 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I am a divorced woman dating a man who has never been married. We are both in our 50's. He seems to be hot and cold with me and I can't figure it out. We met online and I can see, even though our profiles are off the site, that he is still looking around at profiles of others. He didn't call last night - I am going to a baseball game with my nephew tonight but didn't tell him since I thought he would call. I am thinking of not telling him and beginning to distance my self a little from him. I have not met his family but he met mine. He has not said he loves me yet. We spend about every weekend together and talk almost every day. But, he doesn't tell me how he feels about me very much. He is a little unsure of my two kids - wondered why my 22 yr old son called for help in how to change a flat tire...thinks he should know by now. I am just unsure and confused. The more I call him or ask him about the relationship, the further away he goes - so I have learned not to talk about it. That feels uncomfortable to me. I'd like to know where we are at - we have been dating 7 months. I would think he would be moving closer, not further away. He seems to have trouble deciding about things in his life - his house is unfinished with boxes everywhere even though he has lived there for 8 years. Advice?
Hkizzle Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Wow, a 50 year old never married player..... Seriously, I'm not even sure if this is a real post, because he's got all the player signs, it's like a perfect description of one. 1) hot/ cold is never good, sign of an uncommited man, usually player or narcissist behavior 2) Never married at 50? I'm not to judge, I'm 30 and not married, but looking for the right girl now. I literally have to stop going clubbing and meeting so many beautiful women and slow the hell down to do it, takes self control. If he's not married at 50, he's a life time player that has commitment issues. 3) Hasn't let you meet his family. When a man takes it seriously he will want the woman to meet his family. 4) Doesn't say he loves you 5) Runs away at the talk of relationships 6) Can't get his life, house or anything together If you're posting a serious post, you need to dump this man. He's been out and about for what? Over 30 yrs and he still can't settle down? Lifetime lonewolf, I'm only seen one like him before, an ex boss of mine. sorry if that's not the answer you wanted to hear but it's best you leave him, just wasting your time and break your heart more if you stay longer.
Author sandcast123 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Well, unfortunately, this is a serious post. Sigh. I am just ignoring the signs I think because I am older and want this to work out. He shows signs of wanting to settle down sometimes - gardens, cooks, talks about the future - but then never includes me in those plans. I don't think he is seeing someone else but he might as well be. I feel lonely and not sure if I can count on him. Thank you for clarifying some things for me.
Hkizzle Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Players and other types of men with commitment issues are still human beings. The main problem is sometimes they are nice, but generally the woman that's with them has to put in a lot more, and will get her heart broken in the end. If jerks were pure black, women would spot them from a mile away, but grey means they can get past defenses. The biggest problem about jerks is that they don't change. Most do get married and turn into nightmare husbands and a guaranteed divorce. This guy is 50 and prove he can't change. Unfortunately lonely makes a woman more susceptible to falling for jerks. Right now I'm writing a book, and just wrote the chapter on lonely. It's better to be lonely and happy then with a man and miserable. If lonely keep an active lifestyle, get a pet, find some hobbies, and take more time to find the right partner.
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