FunMike86 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Dear forum, I will try to be as brief and to the point as possible and would really appreciate your insight into my problem. I have been with my girlfriend for about two years or so. She was in the army when we met, which has probably caused most of our problems. There is a chance that she might be getting deployed on a non-combat operation to Kuwait for about a year. Obviously, this has devastated both of us, probably me a lot more than her. She goes away for training every 2 month or so for a period of 1-2 weeks and lately things have been just going down hill. She was away from me for 2 weeks and we probably talked a total of 10 minutes on the phone for the duration of her stay in training. She tells me she is very busy training there, however, when I checked her facebook, she is adding new friends from her army unit and chatting/posting there. I know that when they're at training, they usually get off pretty early around 4-5 and then all go out to eat and socialize together. This hurt me a lot because she has no time to talk to her boyfriend of two years but has time to socialize with her army buddies? The worst part is that I didn't know when she was coming back and she just out of the blue txds me "I'm back in town. I'm tired, I'll see you tomorrow". She also said that a male friend drove her all the way back (its a 7 hour drive) because she was tired from waking up early at 5am, didn't want to drive herself and was not feeling well, and the guy didn't have another ride. She didn't want to see me the day she returned because she said she had a very difficult 2 weeks training and just went to sleep at her place right away. It was extremely hurtful to know that she was with some dude driving 7 hours and didn't even call me once. She also told me that she would prefer not to get deployed to Kuwait, but there were things she could've done to get out of it that she didn't. The way she talks about it, it seems like she's almost looking forward to being away from me for a year.. it is hurtful beyond belief. I feel like I'm at the bottom of her "to do list" and she doesn't really care about me like she used to. How did this happen after 2 years of love and happiness?! I don't want to sound political here, but I'm now beginning to hate the army and believe they are brainwashing my girlfriend into believing she has to do something she doesn't really want to do. We had plans for future together and had mutual goals, but now its all going to shreds. She says if I love her, I should just support her in whatever she decides to do. And what about my feelings, they dont matter? The day she came back, I told her on the phone that I can't do this anymore, I said that she made it obvious that she doesn't care about us anymore. How could she not even call me once this whole time and how could she not want to see me the day she got back after being apart for two weeks, even if she was "tired"? She said that I'm blowing things out of proportion and that she hasn't called me because she was tired from training. We have not talked in 2 days now. I love her with all my heart and don't know what to do. What the hell happened to us and our future?
gavinus Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 My friend she appears to have moved on, taken you for granted and has no respect for you. My advice is go straight to NC and put her on ignore. How can she appreatie you and miss you when she thinks you are a doormat? I am sure you will ignore this advice and continue to see her because you love her. Don't make the mistake I did (which is putting up with that treatment) because she will not regret or miss you at all and any amount of respect for you she has will disappear completely. You sound like a good person, if she REALLY wanted to change her deployment to be close to you....she would have. Be strong go NC and stand up for yourself becuase you are worth more than the way she is treating you, be strong
Author FunMike86 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 My friend she appears to have moved on, taken you for granted and has no respect for you. My advice is go straight to NC and put her on ignore. How can she appreatie you and miss you when she thinks you are a doormat? I am sure you will ignore this advice and continue to see her because you love her. Don't make the mistake I did (which is putting up with that treatment) because she will not regret or miss you at all and any amount of respect for you she has will disappear completely. You sound like a good person, if she REALLY wanted to change her deployment to be close to you....she would have. Be strong go NC and stand up for yourself becuase you are worth more than the way she is treating you, be strong Thanks for the advice, I agree with you. I know she's going through a lot of things right now with her possible deployment and some other stuff, but I don't think that justifies basically ignoring me like I don't even exist, while comforting in others. Isn't that emotional cheating? Another thing is that if things are so bad with our communication now, how would it be when she goes away to another country for a year? She would call me once a month if I'm lucky? I'm just trying to justify to myself that I made a right decision I guess because I loved her very much and can't believe it came down to this, almost feels surreal like a dream. Just can't believe this man.... **** **** ****
Author FunMike86 Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 I also wanted to mention that she told me she loved me more than anyone and said she was crazy in love with me since day one. This just hurts me that she can say those things and then just be so cold and indifferent towards me. When she was away at training I called her so many times, I texted her "please call me, I miss u" and she only called back once she was already back in town (after 7 hour drive) and didn't want to see me until the next day. I know for a fact that she wasn't as busy/tired there as she claims to be, she even went to a restaurant with her army buddies a couple times after training. She was like "we can hang out tomorrow" like she's doing me some favor! Can someone help me understand why she's being like this, because I thought I knew this person? Is this really her or the ****ing army brainwashing her? It is just ridiculous for her to be so indifferent after I treated her like a princess for a year and she said those things to me and wrote me all those love letters how I'm the one for her and she can't even picture herself with anyone else ever! I was even beginning to come to terms with her possible deployment that she seemed to want, but not like this...
gavinus Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 She does not respect you at all. I know you love her and want her BUT she has taken you for granted and to be honest she does not care about your feelings and you, it is ALL about HER!! I know you want answers but in order to get those answers you give all your power to her. Don't do it! Go NC, regain your own self love and respect. Put distance between the two of you so you can see that you can do way better than her!! She has moved on with her life and has decided she is better off without you in it, that is her failing, not yours! You are a good person and deserve to be treated great, but how can you meet the person who treats you great when you are with somebody who takes you for granted? Go NC, regain your power and you gain your own self respect, stay strong,
CaliGuy Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Thanks for the advice, I agree with you. I know she's going through a lot of things right now with her possible deployment and some other stuff, but I don't think that justifies basically ignoring me like I don't even exist, while comforting in others. Isn't that emotional cheating? Another thing is that if things are so bad with our communication now, how would it be when she goes away to another country for a year? She would call me once a month if I'm lucky? I'm just trying to justify to myself that I made a right decision I guess because I loved her very much and can't believe it came down to this, almost feels surreal like a dream. Just can't believe this man.... **** **** **** If it's this bad now, think about if you were married. She isn't going to improve right now. The best thing you can do when someone pulls away is to pull away as well, just as hard. Give her space, go have fun (at least try). Hang out with friends, occupy your time so that she WONDERS what YOU are up to, not the other way around all the time. I know you love her but this is the best advice when someone is pulling away.
Author FunMike86 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 This is so atypical of her though, I really believe she is either brainwashed or she is so depressed about her deployment that she can't think straight. She said it was the hardest time of her life. I still think it doesn't justify her treating me like this, but under these "extraordinary" circumstances, I'm willing to at least investigate this further. I sent her an email asking for answers. It just doesn't feel right to do no contact so suddenly after being together so long. Even if we don't come back together, at least I want some closure. If I have closure, maybe at least I can move on with my life.
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