colosseum Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Simple question. Is being "needy" necessarily a bad thing? What is the difference between being "needy" and just wanting to be with someone a lot?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Ah. A whole can of worms. Well, I guess the easy answer would be that it crosses over into "needy" if it's more than the other person wants. But really - why would you want somebody that immediately drops ALL their own life/interests to be with you? It's like their identity wasn't all that important to them to begin with - they were just looking for somebody to latch onto to define themselves. That's not flattering - it's disturbing. There needs to be a healthy compromise. Maybe dropping a thing here or there to spend time with somebody, but still recognizes yourself and respecting your own time to do the things that YOU enjoy. Now, if the things you enjoy are all 100% what the other person enjoys and you don't get bored being together, then I say why not - spend that time together. Everybody is going to have their own needs as far as "space" is concerned. With my XH, we spent a ton of time together and I didn't mind it. He was my best friend in that respect. But really - looking back, I think it would have been healthy had I nurtured outside activities that were just "me" activities that didn't involve him.
Hkizzle Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Simple question. Is being "needy" necessarily a bad thing? What is the difference between being "needy" and just wanting to be with someone a lot? Being single is like being in a wide field, but kinda lonely. A healthy relationship is like being in a warm home. Having a needy partner is like crawling into a hot coffin, and hardly being able to breath. Can you visualize it now?
DSM2709 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Hense this topic was the demise in my last relationship. DON"T BE NEEDY...IT'S A TURNOFF. Take care of your own needs first.
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 being needy... different degrees, really.... There's the natural and justifiable desire to be validated, and there's the Emotionally-vampiric parasitic leech.... And I think it's one area where really, there is no happy medium. Far better to be the former, than the latter.....
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Having a needy partner is like crawling into a hot coffin, and hardly being able to breath. Emotionally-vampiric parasitic leech.... Is being "needy" necessarily a bad thing? :laugh: What do you think?
BlueHarvest Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 That's a loaded answer to a loaded question though. Anyone posting can see exactly where the thread is going due to the connotation of the original post. Like the guy said though, what is *wrong* with being needy. You didn't directly answer the question, one person gave an analogy, another said that it is a compromise. I don't pretend to know what level of commitment is required because each relationship is different. I would say it varies from person to person, but that's just a cop-out answer IMO. I guess my answer is no, being "needy" is not really a bad thing. It shows a willingness to commit, a want to be in that relationship. However, there is a difference between a "want" to be in that relationship with *THAT* person, and a "want" to be in *A* relationship. If you and this other person have such a connection that you feel awesome around them, that's one thing. If the feeling is more generalized and you can't figure out *WHY* you like being with them, then that is a "needy" emotion that isn't healthy, because they you are in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.
gordon_gc Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 What i've learnt from my own personal experiences is that 'needy' is really relative to how the other person in the relationship perceive what you do or say. What you might be thinking as a nice gesture of attention could be interpreted as needyness and there is always a fine line not to cross. A fine line not to cross because it's fairly easy to switch from needy to annoying and trust me, i'm learning it the wrong way at the moment. Now, I totally get you. When you spend a lot of time with someone and you enjoy that time, you tend to be attached and create a need, a craving to see and spend more time with the person. I don't really agree with people saying being needy = someone who has no life on its own. According to me, it just means you really enjoy MORE spending time with the person than doing something else. It doesn't rule out the fact that you still enjoy what you do in your own time. My advice though is to really try to learn to appreciate these personal private moment so you don't rely so much on needing the other person constantly (and once again, I'm learning it the wrong way). Just see it as a backup plan so whether you are around the person or not, you are still happy. And if you have ever been told you are needy, i would STRONGLY recommend you get the message and give space. Just imagine you as being a really really annoying person, that's the way they see you when they mentionned you as needy and i'm sure it will help putting things into perspective even though it's not easy. And now, to simply answer the question, needy become needy when you want to spend a lot of time together and the other doesnt feel the same way. lol
samspade Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Female (or male) companionship should be a result of a life well-lived, not the other way around. If you don't make the opposite piece the centerpiece of your life and the fulcrum of your happiness, you'll find they are much easier to come by. The truth is, "neediness" IS unattractive to females. They want a piece of you and to fight for you. Once they have all of you, they will get bored and look for someone else.
loveslife Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Needy by definition is excessiveness. There's nothing wrong with needing somebody you love. But if it's to excess, isn't that kind of self-explanatory as to why it's bad? It's too much. It's like saying, what's wrong with overeating? I mean, we all have to eat, isn't more better? By it's very definition, overeating means overdoing it.
silverfish Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I think being needy means the relationship is unbalanced. It's selfish basically, and disrespectful. If you have more time and attention spent on you than me, then we are only looking after you really. The less demanding person uses up all their energy and time. An example is for me - you speak to someone on the phone, say. You ask how they are and an hour later you are still 'uh huh ing' and trying not to scream, they ask how you are and you are too tired to speak by then. This type of behaviour every day drives you a bit insane. There are hard times when we all need the extra attention, but even then a needy person will want more. Once they have talked it all over with you, they will be on the phone to their mother, brother, sister etc telling the same damn story all over again. At that point you will have to hide the sharp objects It's a bad thing then obviously ha ha (rant over)
deux ex machina Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Simple question. Is being "needy" necessarily a bad thing? I don't know. What is the difference between being "needy" and just wanting to be with someone a lot? Needy = I need someone, don't really mind much who it is. Doesn't have to be special, anyone will do. Wanting to be with someone = I want to be with a particular person. Because they are special to me.
gordon_gc Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 They want a piece of you and to fight for you. Once they have all of you, they will get bored and look for someone else. Scariest quote i've seen in a while but yeah, it's true !!!! AMEN to this
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