t0ri Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I've been crying/grieving/depressed since he text me wishing me a "happy belated birthday" a little over a week ago. I had been doing fine before then, hadn't cried in quite some time. Now I'm back to dreaming about him e v e r y s i n g l e n i g h t, and I keep finding myself about to burst into tears at the most inopportune times throughout the day, just like when we first broke up - FOUR & a half months ago. Is this normal? Is it normal to STILL be crying over four months later? Has this phase returned all because he text me? I didn't respond, and it was only the 2nd time we've had contact since we broke up. (Both initiated by him!) I know I've made definite progress in this healing process, but I feel like I'm not as far along as I should be I feel so very alone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVNTjPiRpMs
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Of course it's normal.... There's no definitive time people take to 'get over' pain.... You need to block every access he has to you - on your mobile, in e-mail, everywhere. Any chink in your armour will be exploited, otherwise. OK, now, quit whingeing, go for a long, hard, brisk walk, and watch something that makes you laugh. Walking and laughing are great ways to release healing endorphins, which lift the emotions. I would advise against doing the two at the same time, because people will give you funny looks and cross the road to avoid you.....
adamt Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Firstly, there is no quick solution to healing. It takes time and takes some people longer than others. I'm 3 months down the line with NC and still get moments where tears come to my eyes. Sometimes it can suddenly come on when something reminds you of your ex. maybe you wont be fully over your ex until someone new comes into your life. Thats my thinking for me at the moment. Don't try to fight it, if you need a good cry then let it all out. You have then released it and may feel better after. It will do no good bottling it up. If you feel moments of sadness then pick up the phone and call a friend or family.Then just talk about whatever you fancy.
moo Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Hey t0ri, Sorry you are still hurting. I went to a dating service online last night. I knew it was a bad idea, but I convince myself otherwise. I ended up destroying my profile. I guess I just couldn't stand the fact that it is taking me so much time to deal with the pain, but the fact is, your heart may take a long time to heal. I know I just have to accept that and deal with the unpleasantries. My ex took no time to heal. He took up with someone a few days after we had a really bad argument. He doesn't learn from his mistakes and keeps making them over and over again. You and I have to be better than that. We have to let our hearts heal so that we can be emotionally available for our next mate and it won't be a rebound relationship. It's been almost 4 months for me. I'm right there with you, suffering too. I still cry too.
dianna Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 For the past 3 days i've been crying my heart out .I feel you. I just don't know what to do..what should we do? This wait and see what's gonna happen phase is killing me
moo Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Dianna, I here's an idea for you. Spend time helping people less fortunate than you. Volunteer for the United Way, or a food pantry, or at the Senior Center, etc. Go to Make a Child Smile and read about what horrific challgenges these sick kids have to go through- then get out some paper and colored pencils and draw them a happy picture and send a happy card to them to brighten their days. Buy a teddy bear and send it to them. http://www.makeachildsmile.org/ Go to the many websites that allow you to send cards to soldiers to brighten their day. Feel better.
Author t0ri Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Dianna: Moo gave some really sweet advice! I'm taking 3 very difficult classes this semester, I go jogging 3 times a week, and I think I'm going to apply for a job tomorrow. I try and keep myself busy to avoid my sadness. I'm going to look into volunteering around my town... I think that's really good advice! Other than that, I don't think I've found any option other than to just embrace my emotions and have a good cry when I need to. It makes me feel better to let it all out. Moo: I'm sorry you're still hurting as well. I'm definitely letting my heart heal before I get, or even want to get, involved with someone else. But you know what? I'm getting really really scared that I'm never going to find anyone again - that will actually love me the same way I love them. I don't know if that's a normal feeling after a first heartbreak, but I'm definitely feeling it My ex took time took no time to heal (or did it while he was still with me) also, and is hooking up with/seriously pursuing/together/possibly dating/who knows what, with some girl. He met her at work apparently, not sure if this was before or after dumping me...but he's been pursuing her ever since. Lovely so called "men" we had, huh? maybe you wont be fully over your ex until someone new comes into your life. I had hoped I could get over this on my own, and not need anyone to "help" me get over my ex...but is that possible? I've been trying to take time to heal my heart and better myself before getting involved with anyone...but loneliness sucks. Thanks for the reply, TaraMaiden! Walking/jogging with my ipod blaring definitely has been a HUGE help to me throughout all of this I love it. I understand there's no set amount of time it should take for someone's emotional pain to subside. My problem is not the crying. My problem is that it has returned after months of being absent! I thought I was past the crying, and I'm kind of pissed that it's back! I hate feeling so sad! So why is the crying/depression back? This is just really frustrating to me. I don't understand why I'm so upset all over again, when I had been feeling perfectly fine two weeks ago. The only thing I can think of is because he text me a week and a half ago? Since then, he's been clouding my thoughts. The relationship I had with him was so not worth all this pain I've been going through, plus the pain I felt during the relationship.
coliflower Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I am glad to see that im not alone in still having a good cry sometimes!! I split with my ex almost 4 months ago and im still having more bad days than good even tho im really trying. At the moment im having a bit of a bad time at work as i have convinced myself that he was cheating with a mutual female friend that we both work with, this is partly due to a few strange text messages i found on his phone and the fact i caught her at his house the other night and she made an excuse that she was picking up a golfclub for her husband. I think the only way i will heal if i move from my work but i am a bit upset as i love where i work just now Hope we all start to feel better soon and find the partners that we deserve x
moo Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Dianna: Moo gave some really sweet advice! Moo: I'm sorry you're still hurting as well. I'm definitely letting my heart heal before I get, or even want to get, involved with someone else. But you know what? I'm getting really really scared that I'm never going to find anyone again - that will actually love me the same way I love them. I don't know if that's a normal feeling after a first heartbreak, but I'm definitely feeling it My ex took time took no time to heal (or did it while he was still with me) also, and is hooking up with/seriously pursuing/together/possibly dating/who knows what, with some girl. thanks for your kind words, T0ri. I was going to go on a dating site to rush the healing process, but I decided not too. I'm going to suffer through this pain and heal because it is the right thing for me. I'm not in the right state of mind to go looking for someone else right now. I need to know that I can heal myself without depending on a man to do it for me. As you might know from my previous posts, my ex took no time to heal either. He was in a relationship within one week of our argument. I'm not going to give up hope that I will find love though. I have to make sure my future relationship will be with a man who SHOWS me he loves me and deserves my love. Don't give up t0ri. For right now, just let yourself heal.
Author t0ri Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 thanks for your kind words, T0ri. I was going to go on a dating site to rush the healing process, but I decided not too. I'm going to suffer through this pain and heal because it is the right thing for me. I'm not in the right state of mind to go looking for someone else right now. I need to know that I can heal myself without depending on a man to do it for me. As you might know from my previous posts, my ex took no time to heal either. He was in a relationship within one week of our argument. I'm not going to give up hope that I will find love though. I have to make sure my future relationship will be with a man who SHOWS me he loves me and deserves my love. Don't give up t0ri. For right now, just let yourself heal. Thanks, Moo. I won't give up! I just feel discouraged at times. I'm not sure if I'm ready to date or not, probably not. BUT I did meet someone this weekend that is a nice distraction from my dirtbag ex! He's probably not dating material, though. Within one week? What a quality man you had... (not). Good riddance of someone who could do that to you! I agree with you, Moo. The next relationship I have will be with someone who SHOWS me they love me. I've learned that talk is cheap, and actions speak MUCH greater volumes than words. Keep your chin up Thanks for replying. Coliflower - I'm sorry you're still hurting as well I hope the work situation becomes easier for you, and you start feeling better soon!
adamt Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 I had hoped I could get over this on my own, and not need anyone to "help" me get over my ex...but is that possible? I've been trying to take time to heal my heart and better myself before getting involved with anyone...but loneliness sucks. I think it is possible, as long as it is not a rebound. probably not someone you would meet in a bar or club but someone you start to chat through a mutual friend or through a hobby you do. just someone who you get on with and gives you some company to get over the loneliness. I use another forum and there was a girl who was in pieces after being dumped and was engaged after 6 years. all she thought about was him and though she would never get over him. She took up hiking and got friendly with someone and she then thought about him a bit more and wanted him to ask her out. I have no idea if it worked out but it gave her something to fill that void her ex had left.
moo Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 the problem is, if you use a man to fill the void and it doesn't work out, you could feel even worse. I really think other things should feel the void. I'm doing that now. I have co-dependency issues so its important for me that I try to make my life fuller on my own.
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