likestolaugh Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 My gf and I have been together for about 9 months. We recently finally told each other that we love one another. Sometimes she's hard to read though (the following letter should explain it). It's hard for me, as I love her so. I thought I'd send her this letter. What do you think of it? Keep in mind that I might be needing a good sense of reality kicked into me right now, so feel free to do it "My dearest [insert her name], Sometimes I wonder if you and I are on the same page. I love you and I care about you, but I often have a hard time knowing what you feel towards me. While I have never (and never will) ask you to feel a certain way, I find myself often being left confused by what is sometimes very distant and cold behavior. You are a complex person and I appreciate that, but I wish that you would perhaps consider that at this point in our relationship it's difficult for me to have to constantly wonder if there's some issues with us that I don't know about. It is next impossible to distinguish if you might be feeling down/stressed/anxious about something between us or something else in your life, as your outward behavior towards me is almost exactly the same in either situation. Perhaps you can see how this can be difficult for me. I hope (I believe you do) you trust me, and know that that you can tell me anything, because anything is better than nothing. I've led much of my life having to hold things in and it is one of my greatest wishes for that not to be the case between us. I don’t expect things to be perfect between us all the time (that’s not realistic), but I do expect some kind of stability. That said, it's not always that way with you and I; these days it’s more often than not just the phone conversations that sometimes leave me guessing. I've always found phone conversation difficult, but I've never minded with you, as I love hearing your voice. It seems like we can be great one day, and then the next it's completely different (for reasons that I'm usually completely unaware of)... it's like a yo-yo. I try to tell myself to roll with it, that it's nothing personal... but how am I to know? It's hard for me to understand how, if you feel strongly for someone (if you love them for instance), it can be this way. It's confusing. It’s not easy to know exactly what to say... it's all quite a jumble in my mind. I do know this though... and I know it through and through... I love you. I've never felt it fair to tell anyone that before, because I knew that what I felt wasn't right. This does feel right to me. I realize that you've been through more developed relationships than I have, where love was involved, but I haven't. You've completely stripped me of my shields (nobody's ever been able to do this before), and I guess putting it all on the table makes me a bit vulnerable. Maybe you could call it insecurity, I don't know... but I guess I just need some re-assurance sometimes. There have been times in my past when I've had to (rightly) doubt someone's feelings for me... I don't want to even have those thoughts with you. I just need to know (one way or the other). Admittedly, recently it's been great with you. I knew a long time ago that I was falling in love with you, even if it was surprising to admit to myself at the time. The time I've spent with you over the past month confirmed it to me... I remember my thoughts when we were together on our trip in the [insert location]... I knew it then, I knew I loved you. I see us as happy together now, and can see the future being bright as well. I don't know how understandable this email was... I wanted to let you know how I felt about things. I'm happy when we're together, when we're open with each other, when I don’t have to wonder all the time. love, [insert my name]" so...? I know this was long... so about that, I do tend to ramble a bit.
MadDriver Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Good grammar. No errors that I could find. Make sure you write it by hand on a nice piece of paper, instead of typing it up on a computer. It's more personal that way.
MSUE Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I think its great...I think its beautifully done...and yes I agree..write it by hand as it is much more personable
Author likestolaugh Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 see I don't know about writing it out... I was thinking of sending it as an email... for 2 reasons: I've sent her hand written letters before... but they were all very positive letters, what can be considered traditional 'love letters'. I'd rather save the hand-written letters for that. Second, I don't want to wait several days for her to see it....
Author likestolaugh Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 I've been told by someone that I should just tell her this in person... I'm worried I won't get my message across that way though...
Island Girl Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I think it comes across as needy and extremely insecure. If she is being sometimes cold and distant is it possible that you are too clingy or have been moving in that direction? Are you constantly telling her how you feel these days? Trying to get reassurances back in some sense? Just a thought that maybe you are losing yourself in this relationship, losing your strength and independence as an individual. I know whenever that would happen with a boyfriend it'd make me run hot and cold - pull away - and that'd get more and more frequent until I couldn't take the constant pulling, suffocation, and desperation anymore and I'd end it.
Author likestolaugh Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 I think this is the kick of reality I needed. thanks I wrote that last night after a rather cold convo on the phone with her after previously having spent a great day with her. I'm not actually clingy, I guess I was just feeling annoyed and disrespected last night, so I put it in to words... and this is why I asked here whether I should send it. I'm feeling more myself this morning... more confident. She's always been like this though, since the start of our relationship, so it's nothing new (i.e. not pulling away because due to my questions).
Island Girl Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Well, you're welcome! Glad you are feeling better and have your confidence back.
silic0ntoad Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I think this is the kick of reality I needed. thanks I wrote that last night after a rather cold convo on the phone with her after previously having spent a great day with her. I'm not actually clingy, I guess I was just feeling annoyed and disrespected last night, so I put it in to words... and this is why I asked here whether I should send it. I'm feeling more myself this morning... more confident. She's always been like this though, since the start of our relationship, so it's nothing new (i.e. not pulling away because due to my questions). Why don't you flat our present the problem? On the phone, state (DONT ASK) "You have been distant and cold. There must be some issues here that I am not aware of, but I have been picking up on them slowly. Please explain so we can work through this." If you ask, she may cut you off. If she says nothing, its fine, reply: "Your actions prove otherwise. I need to know for this to work." And be done with it.
Author likestolaugh Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 she will usually say it's nothing... if it's something about our relationship, I can usually probe it out of her (she needs a little encouraging sometimes). Thing is, her behavior is the same towards me even when it's something that has nothing to do with our relationship that's bothering her.
Hkizzle Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I read up to distant and cold behavior and stopped reading. Dude, you can't talk to a woman about relationship problems directly? Need to write a letter? That's not cool, be a man and talk to her about any issues.
missdependant Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 No. Talk in person. It sounds kind of insecure and whiny. But I don't know the whole situation, so maybe I'm wrong.
Author likestolaugh Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 we talk a lot in person, so it's not like that's a problem with us. Anyway, I'm not going to send it after all. While some of the issues are still relevant, I was just in a funk yesterday... it was uncharacteristic of me.
torranceshipman Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Don't send that letter - it makes you sound needy and soft. If she makes you feel disrespected, tell her straight, and say you need her to give you a reason for the way she is acting so you guys can straighten it out...if she throws you off with 'it's nothings', then tell her you need a bit of time to chill (or just draw back a bit and you'll probably get a positive reaction from her). But bottom line-no rambling, over emotional emails - just be straight up.
Recommended Posts