clueless Posted November 20, 2003 Posted November 20, 2003 I am emotionally involved with a family friend who is married, a decade older and currently in a long-distance relationship. My family knows him since i was a child. I find him as a dear friend, confidante and companion. He would go way out of his way just to extend his help for me even though it will involve his only vacation for his family. My mom seems to support me with this guy but my siblings are freaking out. I find that there is nothing wrong with this setting and is simply platonic. They are just over reacting and probably jealous because I can get what i want and do what i want to do with my life with this guy. He makes things happen for me. They said I am getting in the way of his marriage but he is just like a big brother for me. Mom thinks it's okay so why bother? This is just a healthy friendship because he is family for me. He was always there when my family was not. He supported me all the way. Is there anything wrong with this setting or should I not mind my siblings for getting in the way of a good friendship? Enlighten me.
moimeme Posted November 20, 2003 Posted November 20, 2003 He just may be one of those people that likes to 'do for' people and can't 'do for' his gf as much because they are long-distance. As long as nothing inappropriate is going on, there should be no problem with it. Some people have trouble believing there are people who are just generous of spirit and who get a charge out of doing nice things for people without wanting something back.
Author clueless Posted November 21, 2003 Author Posted November 21, 2003 Thanks, you're the first one besides mom to side me on this one. Should I mention I don't know how to go on with my life without him. I became so dependent and hooked and he is becoming territorial with me, meaning he wants to know what I am doing, who am I with all the time, etc. It's not sexual but it's escalating and I'm in denial. The positive seems to outweigh the negative because I'm liking it. I feel a bit guilty because he has kids and spending too much for me. Is this still normal? I don't have a clue about relationships. I'm a late bloomer and just exploring. My Mom supports anything I want but she just don't offer the pros and cons of anything. I am thinking twice right now because it bothers a lot of people. I maybe not be seeing what they see. When do you put a line in friendship? Where do you cross it? Am I going in the way of marriage and family? I'm so confused right now.
moimeme Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 he is becoming territorial with me, meaning he wants to know what I am doing, who am I with all the time, etc. It's not sexual but it's escalating and I'm in denial. The positive seems to outweigh the negative because I'm liking it Now it sounds as though he is beginning to cross the line. Perhaps it is time to have a talk with him; tell him you appreciate all he does but hope he has no expectations. It would be worth it to delineate some boundaries with him. If he's starting to think he 'owns' you because he's giving you so much, then we may have a different story. You need to clarify his intentions.
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