gordon_gc Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Not even sure this post will end up with a questions for you guys to answer. I'm just really sick of girls at this point in time. Been dating my girl for 2 months now. Initially, she is the one who wanted more. I thought I'd give it a try and yes, I liked it. I decided to stick with her because we were getting along great, ect... She've been acting really needy and so far, i copped with it and now I'm actually expecting a 'return of affection' because i'm going through a rough time, I'm the needy one who needs to chill and give her the space. wtf ???? I seriously don't get it. I know we both been dooming our relationship knowing we can't really see eachother in the future (both from really different background) and so far, she've been the one ignoring that fact because she wanted to be with me and suddenly, she acting all weird and distant. What the hell is happening ? Why do you ask for a relationship in the first place if you don't want it ? Why do you ask affection if now, you don't want it ? This is just too duckin plain selfish to behave that way and the worst thing about it is that i realise it but still, i'm attached to her.
BCCA Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Let me see if I can shed some light: now I'm actually expecting a 'return of affection' What you did was create a 'covert contract', basically you only gave to get. You cant expect everyone to act like you did, everyone is different. You should only give when your expectations are clear between everyone, or when you can give with no expectations at all. What the hell is happening ? Why do you ask for a relationship in the first place if you don't want it ? Why do you ask affection if now, you don't want it ? Have you asked her these questions? And has she answered or just gave you some wishy-washy crap? You should definitely read 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover. I see a few 'nice guy' tendencies at play here, and you will be amazed how much sense it will all make.
Author gordon_gc Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Let me see if I can shed some light: What you did was create a 'covert contract', basically you only gave to get. You cant expect everyone to act like you did, everyone is different. You should only give when your expectations are clear between everyone, or when you can give with no expectations at all. Well, i never give to get a return but from what i might assume about relationship, the 2 people are here when all is good but also when all is not so good. I've been here supporting her and it's totally normal and now i'm going through a rough patch, i suddenly become 'needy' for asking just a bit of comfort ? Have you asked her these questions? And has she answered or just gave you some wishy-washy crap? You should definitely read 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover. I see a few 'nice guy' tendencies at play here, and you will be amazed how much sense it will all make. Whenever I ask the questions, I become the psyko one reading too much into it, being too needy, ect, ect...I've tried having a normal adult conversation about what she likes and dislikes about me and vice versa but most of the things she hates in me are the things she wanted me to be in the first place. Indeed, it seems simple and right, I've become what I always fought against...a nice guy ! For example, she tells me it's ok if i see other girls. Well, even though she met me as a player, when i'm with someone, i have some values and respect and seeing other chicks is not one of these values. Pretty much, she keeps pushing me: 1/ testing me and wait for me to make a mistake 2/ want me to **** around so it takes the pressure off the relationship...well, in this case, i don't really see the point of a relationship !!!
BCCA Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 i suddenly become 'needy' for asking just a bit of comfort ? No, its perfectly understandable that you would need the support. She isnt giving it, though, so now you must ask yourself what you'll stand for and what youre willing to do if your needs arent met. For example, she tells me it's ok if i see other girls. Well, even though she met me as a player, when i'm with someone, i have some values and respect and seeing other chicks is not one of these values. Pretty much, she keeps pushing me: 1/ testing me and wait for me to make a mistake 2/ want me to **** around so it takes the pressure off the relationship...well, in this case, i don't really see the point of a relationship !!! Dude, listen to me...this girl doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. she told you to date other girls...that is never a good sign. Its not because she sees you as a player, its because shes not going to meet your needs, because she doesnt value you enough to, so shes telling you to find someone else who might. And youre leaving out 3, which is she is dating someone else or has an interest. None of this sounds all that good, Ive got to be honest here.
Author gordon_gc Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Dude, listen to me...this girl doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. she told you to date other girls...that is never a good sign. Its not because she sees you as a player, its because shes not going to meet your needs, because she doesnt value you enough to, so shes telling you to find someone else who might. And youre leaving out 3, which is she is dating someone else or has an interest. None of this sounds all that good, Ive got to be honest here. ehehehe, i thought of option 3 but in here that's not the case, the fact is, we are from 2 really different background (i'm jewish, she is muslim) and from the start, we've been living a carefree relationship while knowing it won't last. I know she doesn't want the relationship because of that exact reason. Me seing other girls is just a way for her to say 'it's cool, he is not that into me'. I know she is obviouly blocking some of her feelings so she doesn't get hurt. My mistake is that I let it go and i'm now in that situation. PS: Started reading that book, i can see a lot of myself in it !!! that sucks !!! lol
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