SierraRose Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I met a very nice man recently. We have gone out only twice, both times were very enjoyable. We are both single parents, so our social time is limited; however, we have spent several hours in phone time. His focus for the past 2 years have been his children (and still are), but now he is ready for a LTR. He wants to share his life with someone special. He has made it clear, he will not settle just for what comes along...so here I am..lol We have A LOT in common...hobbies, parenting views, similar sence of humor, and honesty. So last night over the phone, we were talking about how women these days can never be too careful in dating---especially single mothers. Saftey reasons, nut cases and so on. So I ask him jokingly..."Are you a convicted felon?" He brushed it off. I asked him again, a little more seriously.."Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" He replied YES. Apparently, 25 years ago he decided to drive drunk. He caused a vehicular accident that seriously injured 3 people. No one was killed. He served 2 years. I understand it was a long time ago, he served his time and learned his lesson--not to mention heartbroken over the pain and suffering he caused to 3 innocent people. I hear "convicted felon" and it really bothers me. Am I being too judgemental?
butcher's hook Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I don't think you are being too judgmental I just think you need to figure out if this is something you can get over, really it's up to you... People make mistakes, some mistakes are clearly far more serious than others but it's the ability to see past things that are less than perfect in others that we sometimes have to face. The postive: at least he was honest with you... the truth is harsh, no doubt about that.
Author SierraRose Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 I know he was honest. This happened about 25 years ago. He said he has no other criminal record. I was just having the mindset "he is too good to be true..." It is the fact he served time, and has that "label."
butcher's hook Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Yes but if that is the worst of the "too good to be true" revelation, then I still think you are ok. It was a horrible thing he did but it was 25 yrs ago, he was young and did something irresponsible we all have skeletons in our closets. I supposed some have more than others. Again, this is something you need to figure out if you can get past. If it is going to cause you a lot of distress and you can't respect him because of that then I don't see how you can build from that. This man has had children of his own, it's not like he became a drifter for most of his life and now is deciding to clean his act. If you have a lot in common, take your time and get to know him. See what kind of a human being he is today and don't just judge him on his past. People mature and change even when they make grave mistakes in their past.
melodymatters Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I completely agree with BH. He has/had the possibilty to become a new person. It was long ago We all make bad decisions in life : most of us just don't get charged criminally for them. He was honest with you. Sounds like he's a caring parent and good guy. ( sounds like, only time will tell) Only you know if this is something that will work in your life. Be kind to yourself and him, and listen to your gut.
butcher's hook Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Great advise...ty! Thanks. It's not that I want to push you to do something that doesn't feel right to you. I just wouldn't want you to miss out on a possible great love opportunity because of some trepidation on something he did 25 yrs ago. We all make bad decisions in life : most of us just don't get charged criminally for them. Excellent point Melody, very thought provoking.
BCCA Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Thanks. It's not that I want to push you to do something that doesn't feel right to you. I just wouldn't want you to miss out on a possible great love opportunity because of some trepidation on something he did 25 yrs ago. Completely agree. I can admit that I was young and dumb, and drove after drinking far too many times. Any one of those times probably could have cost me the same misfortune, I was just lucky. If thats the worst of it. BH is spot on.
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