IrishCarBomb Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Disconnect your computer from the internet and never reconnect. It's really your best option at this point. 1
Lucky_One Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 How do you know he has kids if he hasn't told you about them?
JustLooking123 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 its not harsh i have done counselling. I am ready - i just want an opinion as to whether you believe that his gran has died? or is he responding to my replies as too keen and has been put off? (i only reply after he does - but within 4/5 hours of his reply - unlike him who replies days later) Like I said in my earlier post... Does it matter??? Either his grandma died, or he had to lie to you that his grandma died. Either way, give the man some space!!!
Author so gutted Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 ok he has replied today (the funeral day!!) and left a paragraph replying to my questions. he replied to all of them. he hasnt left his telephone number tho ? How do i extract that from him? by NOW he should have given it. I know he has kids as it says on his profile...but no elaboration. what do i do now? reply today - or leave it a day?
torranceshipman Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Seriously? You're being a bit pushy about this aren't you?!
Author so gutted Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Pushy about what? I just want to speak to him, get things moving...its been about 5 days since we "met" online - its time for a phone call....at this rate i will never meet him.
Kamille Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 1) I find it best practice to believe people, especially at the beginning of a relationship. In this scenario, believing his gran died is the win scenario: if it's true, then you can empathize. If it's just an excuse because he isn't that into you, then it'll become clear enough fast enough that it was a lie, all on its own, without any prodding for you. Other scenario, as has been pointed out, it was an excuse simply because he wasn't that into you and was looking for an easy excuse out. You've been in contact since, so, you know what hon... His grandma died. Give him some time to recuperate. 2) What do you do now? You relax! Go to the gym! Feel how exciting it is to have met someone you're actually interested in. But find your balance. Don't obsess about him or feel like there should be a set agenda for when calls/dates should happen. Let him make the move. If he's interested, he will, if not, really, at this point, you wouldn't lose much since you don't really know him.
Author so gutted Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 ok so he replied. asked what i was doing at the weekend - and if i want to meet up.. i kind of said i would like to speak first? that isnt unreasonable is it?
GorillaTheater Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 ok so he replied. asked what i was doing at the weekend - and if i want to meet up.. i kind of said i would like to speak first? that isnt unreasonable is it? No. That, for once, is entirely reasonable.
Author so gutted Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 lol. help me. he made a comment about hurdles etc... i want to meet him this weekend - but i want to do it properly and not on a dirty level... he read the comment and hasnt replied with his phone number. WHAT THE F IS HE WAITING FOR??
GorillaTheater Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Can't say. Are you going to meet him if you don't get the chance to speak to him on the phone first?
Author so gutted Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Can't say. Are you going to meet him if you don't get the chance to speak to him on the phone first? no way thats a no go
GorillaTheater Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Then you're fine. If you make it clear you want to talk first, and he declines, then it's his problem. Check on one of those guys emailing you 10 times a day, or whatever it was.
Author so gutted Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Then you're fine. If you make it clear you want to talk first, and he declines, then it's his problem. Check on one of those guys emailing you 10 times a day, or whatever it was. i dont want them - i want him... do ileave my number - saying im gonna be offline - text me? OR WAIT?
GorillaTheater Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 i dont want them - i want him... do ileave my number - saying im gonna be offline - text me? OR WAIT? Give him your phone number and tell him you want to talk before meeting. But don't "wait", get on with your life. You have one, right?
Author so gutted Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 give him your phone number and tell him you want to talk before meeting. But don't "wait", get on with your life. You have one, right? yes but will that look desperate
GorillaTheater Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Not to me. Does it seem desperate to you?
GorillaTheater Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Well, figure something else out, then. I've done all the damage I can do here, so good luck.
Author so gutted Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Well, figure something else out, then. I've done all the damage I can do here, so good luck. damage?? why would u sabotage
GorillaTheater Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 It's an expression; a figure of speech.
carhill Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 "What is the name of gran's funeral home? I'd like to call them and arrange to send some flowers"
Kamille Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 i dont want them - i want him... Woah, slow down and rein yourself in here. How can you possibly already know you want him so much that you shouldn't still be looking for other options? I've been seeing a guy for four weeks and I'm still evaluating whether or not we're a good match... So far I really like him, but I don't plan on making up my mind about "us" anytime soon either. Knowing you "want" someone with certainty should at least involve spending some time together getting to know that person. Biggest lesson of dating: don't confuse lust for compatibility. I fear you might be setting yourself up for some unhealthy obsessing and over-analysing if you continue with this mentality. do ileave my number - saying im gonna be offline - text me? OR WAIT? This is up to you. Remind yourself that there is no emergency here. If he is interested, then things will work out. Personally, I would wait it out and try to snap myself out of the "strategizing" mood you seem to have gotten yourself into. Do what feels right to you. And make sure that whatever you do, you stay in a healthy state of mind.
Author so gutted Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Woah, slow down and rein yourself in here. How can you possibly already know you want him so much that you shouldn't still be looking for other options? I've been seeing a guy for four weeks and I'm still evaluating whether or not we're a good match... So far I really like him, but I don't plan on making up my mind about "us" anytime soon either. Knowing you "want" someone with certainty should at least involve spending some time together getting to know that person. Biggest lesson of dating: don't confuse lust for compatibility. I fear you might be setting yourself up for some unhealthy obsessing and over-analysing if you continue with this mentality. This is up to you. Remind yourself that there is no emergency here. If he is interested, then things will work out. Personally, I would wait it out and try to snap myself out of the "strategizing" mood you seem to have gotten yourself into. Do what feels right to you. And make sure that whatever you do, you stay in a healthy state of mind. Something isnt right here - my hunch was 100% correct. I left him my number. He didnt call or text. Instead he logged back into the site and asked my real name - as he couldnt call with my alias name???? WTF???? FIRST HIS GRAN DIED, now he hasnt got the guts to call me?? what is his issue. Im really disappointed. seems like he just wanted to send long emails all day long and even those were timed a day or 3 apart. Now i have given out my number randomly and i dont have his. either he has a wife, his kids live with him, he is illliterate on the pc or he doesnt want to go further - he wants the safety of the internet. im puzzled.
Kamille Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 So gutted, one question - please answer it as directly as you can. If you feel something isn't right, why are you still interested in this man? Follow your gut (no pun intended) and if something doesn't feel right about the situation, then move on. I get the impression you absolutely do not trust your own judgement when it comes to dating, so you become suspicious over what could very well be a legitimate excuse and then you panic over small details. So learn to trust your own judgement. Something tells you something isn't right? Then move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so don't waste your time getting upset over someone you've never even gone out on a date with.
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