JohnP82 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 It works both ways. A 22 year old girl told me, I'm 25, that I was old at a party last weekend.
donnamaybe Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 It works both ways. A 22 year old girl told me, I'm 25, that I was old at a party last weekend. Then you probably have a fairly good grasp at how much air is in her skull.
sally4sara Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Today I learned that I am considered "Older". I mean ! I am feeling gyped! When I was 16 and worked for the mall parking garage on the weekends, these old married dudes would flirt with me on their way in and bring me gifts on their way out and some of them were my friend's dads! I remembered thinking that I couldn't wait till I was older and creepy guys would stop bothering me. Today I'm told I've reached that dreamed of promised land...... Like I said I'm feeling gyped! I'm starting to think creepy guys are just creepy and I'm not going to stop being bothered by them till I'm in my 70s or something. No dear, the ageism on this forum (and in your thread ) doesn't bother me
GorillaTheater Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 45 is the penultimate peak of extreme hotness for a woman. Next year, it'll be 46.
butcher's hook Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I understand what you are saying MissJones, the mind is a tricky thing, whatever we put into it will manifest itself in many ways in how we conduct ourselves, it will affect our moods, and it becomes who we are. It's important to always have a balanced approach to what you choose to consume. I think one of the most important goals in life a person can set out to achieve is to aim to evolve. When you are perpetually stuck in your youth and you refuse to move on you really stop growing as an individual. I think that's a sad existence, perhaps I set high standards for myself but I just would not want to stagnate like that. The beauty of getting older is the ability to find balance in life in every respect, you learn to take care of yourself from the inside out. You simply can't dwell on the vision of a select group of people. Sure getting older can be scary no one wants to see their youth, or health or looks or anything go and it is a transition we all have to deal with, and that is where acceptance comes in. There is something really comforting about accepting life and accepting that things change and that we change, there is no room for fear when we accept change. Some people choose to evolve others are simply too afraid to do so. Maturity also makes you "see" better, and I am not talking about what meets the eye kind of seeing.
stepka Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Well what are you? Like 25? And if you stay worried about the age issue and you live to be 75, you will have spent at least 2/3 of your life agonizing about whether men prefer young hotties. I guess most do, but there are still plenty of realistic men running around who prefer women with brains, so I suggest you work on your mental acuity so you can attract that kind of man. Anyway, I'm 50 and I guess I ain't dead yet, because I've been honked at twice these past 6 months and I still have 20 lbs I'd like to lose! Obviously those aren't the kind of guys I go for, but at least it made me laugh. Esp when I saw the look on their face when I turned around and they realized that I'm not a young lady. As for your question about young guys wanting to date cougars? It's amusing and totally a fad, which means that when you're 50 there won't be any young guys left who want to "do" you:p However, if you're not in the market for casual sex, there doesn't seem to be much point in going down that road anyway. Not that all young guys want older women for casual sex only, but I'd wager that most do.
boogieboy Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 The reason why I talk about this a lot is because ageism is just all over this forum, it's hard not to miss it or to not be affected by it in some way. And men seem to find age a big concern. There are so many threads with men stating that they don't find women over 30/35 attractive; how they prefer younger women who are fertile. How can I sit back and act like this doesn't bother me at all? If youre looks are all you have to offer, then you really have something to worry about. Y9oure 25, you want guys that are 25, but they want the 20 year olds. But not all the 25 year old guys stick to 20 year olds, so you just have to do more work to find those guys, gotta be pro-active. Are you just sitting back waiting for them to come to you?
GoodOnPaper Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 The reason why I talk about this a lot is because ageism is just all over this forum, it's hard not to miss it or to not be affected by it in some way. And men seem to find age a big concern. There are so many threads with men stating that they don't find women over 30/35 attractive; how they prefer younger women who are fertile. How can I sit back and act like this doesn't bother me at all? I don't think there is any ageism at all. This situation is simply the mirror image of what the average male in his teens and early twenties lives through. At that age, women have an infinitely larger potential mate pool, and the guys find themselves at a disadvantage in terms of life experience, accomplishments, wealth, etc.
RedDevil66 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I'm 43, look 25 and still get hit on my young guys, so I'm good :-)
Trimmer Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 A friend of a friend who was 30 when her friends son was born, said when he was 5 that she would have him when he was older. The mum just laughed. She is now 76 and is married to him and they are happy. Ewwww... I think I need to go take an alcohol shower now...... You are only as old as you feel. No, you said that wrong - "You're only as old as the person you're feeling." Oops, I suppose that just supports the "ageism" complaint.. But then, it works equally both ways, I suppose. It's like when you wake up and look in the mirror and you just feel great about yourself. You have a good day and people are attracted to it. Other days you wake up and feel ****, you walk around with no confidence.... Ahhh.. getting serious now, I think this is a good point. It seems that the people - either male or female - who get most bogged down in the whole "ageism in romance affects me" thing are the ones who haven't developed the confidence to see and identify themselves through a mirror - they can't identify or define themselves independently, except as reflected by an outside person, by a relationship or the lack thereof. Case in point: Because clearly alot of men consider women disposable. And that is why I think all women loose here. 20 or 40. Because no matter our age, we are just fighting a loosing battle with men and they don't care. They just turn their head for the next new shiney object in their line of vision. There is something very FEMALE about wanting to be attractive and sexy. How many guys on here either brag about dating younger women or think it makes them more of a man? The message is men thing younger women are better and because very woman on the planent ages women are pretty much worthless pieces of crap to men, only important to them depending on their age. Alot of guys around here make it seem like women should settle for being unlovable. I want to be attractive and sexy. I need a man to validate that. I believe men consider me disposable, and they don't care. If a man thinks a younger woman is "better" he thinks I am "worse." Because of this, I feel unlovable, and without a man to validate me as valuable and reflect an image of myself back to me, I can't identify myself as an independent, whole woman, and therefore I lose my sense of who I am. Sorry that sounds brutal, and I don't present it as my personal opinion of the poster, but I can't read the above passage - the words - without hearing that subtext. Look, I've been separated/divorced for 5 years now. The only woman who loved me in the last 25 years chose to leave me (for someone older - now in the context of this thread, is that ironic, or does it prove the point??? ) And in these later years, I haven't exactly been getting a lot of romantic action, young or old. You want a setup for feeling "unlovable"? Poster child candidate right here. But that's NOT how I feel; that doesn't reflect on who I am as an individual. I am rebuilding to a full life, I am proud of who I am, I have goals and dreams that are meaninful to me, I know I'm a decent person/man/human being, and I truly believe that my life has worth and value, as do I, as an individual. Romance, and my attractiveness may some day be an interesting and welcome adornment to my life, but it does not define me or my sense of my own worth. The reason why I talk about this a lot is because ageism is just all over this forum, it's hard not to miss it or to not be affected by it in some way. And men seem to find age a big concern. There are so many threads with men stating that they don't find women over 30/35 attractive; how they prefer younger women who are fertile. How can I sit back and act like this doesn't bother me at all? By living a full life as an individual somewhere out in the world of living people, not in "this forum." By realizing that you will come across lots of people who are not attracted to you, but that doesn't diminish WHO YOU ARE as an individual, your worth, or the worth of your life and your endeavors. God - if there's one thing I could teach my daughter, it would be not to define herself as an individual by the men that she can or cannot have relationships with...
stillafool Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 To the women who are older, 30, 40+, how do you feel when you read so many comments about men saying they find the younger women attractive? I am still apart of the younger group, and it even bothers me because some day I will be in your age group. Everyday, I am getting older, and I feel like the clock is getting close to midnight where I will be out of that age range that men prefer as being most attractive, valuable and desirable. I feel like I my worth is just based on how young and pretty I am or possibly can be. The male posters on here just make me feel a bit low You'll get used to it. It's been that way down through the centuries. However, you will be surprised at the number of younger men who will find you attractive and want to date you. The important thing is to enjoy your youth while you still have it.
Lizzie60 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 A friend of a friend who was 30 when her friends son was born, said when he was 5 that she would have him when he was older. The mum just laughed. She is now 76 and is married to him and they are happy. Heck, my mum has a friend who is 44 and is HOT...my 2 younger bro's think so too. You areonly as old as you feel. It's like when you wake up and look in the mirror and you just feel great about yourself. You have a good day and people are attracted to it. Other days you wake up and feel ****, you walk around with no confidence.... There are more and more couples out there that have a huge age gap and they are happy... They had 30 years diff.. hey I have 31 years difference with my young MM and he keeps telling me that he will never eve stop loving me.. I laugh about it.. but he says that he doesn't see my age.. I'm older than his parents.. he's 26, I'm 57.. we've been together for 5 years now.. (I think)... anyway.. I believe that an 'old soul' (like my MM) and a young at heart (like me) can be together for quite a long time.. and be happy... but I have to say that this kind of relationships are extremely rare.. especially when the woman is the older one.. so I guess I'm lucky..
Chubbi Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 But that's NOT how I feel; that doesn't reflect on who I am as an individual. I am rebuilding to a full life, I am proud of who I am, I have goals and dreams that are meaninful to me, I know I'm a decent person/man/human being, and I truly believe that my life has worth and value, as do I, as an individual. Romance, and my attractiveness may some day be an interesting and welcome adornment to my life, but it does not define me or my sense of my own worth. By living a full life as an individual somewhere out in the world of living people, not in "this forum." By realizing that you will come across lots of people who are not attracted to you, but that doesn't diminish WHO YOU ARE as an individual, your worth, or the worth of your life and your endeavors. God - if there's one thing I could teach my daughter, it would be not to define herself as an individual by the men that she can or cannot have relationships with... If youre looks are all you have to offer, then you really have something to worry about. These are such great points, Ms. Jones. And I want to share my own story. It's similar. *clears throat* I found out from one of my best friends that a guy she had been friends with made the comment that he didn't date X race of people. He said he could date these people or these people, but he couldn't date X race b/c of [fill in blank with any number of reasons]. She came and told me and we had a discussion about this. Now, I know that the majority of people on Earth date/marry within their own race, so that's not a problem. But like you, I had a problem with this "natural" action, and I could not understand why the guy could not date X race. You see, I identify in that race he said he wouldn't date and I grew resentful and hurtful. Do you know what I did then? I went out of my way to prove to myself that I could change his mind. I wanted to show him that he's still a guy, and regardless of whatever preferences he could muster, he would date a pretty girl regardless of what shade she came in. I did it. I laughed at his jokes, I flirted, I batted my eyes. I wanted him to validate me. I never told him how I had heard of his little comment and had grown resentful of it. I went after him with simply the wish to prove to myself and my friends that this guy was bullsh**ing and would simply say whatever he could to make a girl like him, even resorting to racial comparisons! A few weeks later, I had him calling me for lunch, dinners, movies etc. Here he was, going back on his speech about how he couldn't date X women, and here he was dating them! My friend and I thought it was wierd. He had seemed so adamant that day. I can't date X and they just don't do for me etc. But guess what I found out? One of Envogue's song says, "If they don't want ya, ya don't need them" and this was a classic example. That's what I'm trying to tell you. The guy I wanted to validate me didn't turn out to be so great of a person. He always wondered why he didn't have any friends or people who liked him. He was a perve, reduced meaningful conversations to sex jokes, and embarrassed me in front of some of my friends with his lustful comments. I got tired of him. I dropped off the face of the Earth. He resorted to calling my friend and asking what happened to me. You see, it wasn't about him at all. It was about me, and I realized I had wasted some energy and precious time on a person who I really didn't care for. If a person doesn't want you (or writes you off for similar reasons) then at the end of the day, you probably don't need him. What I am saying is ask yourself if these men who date younger women are who you want to date? Are they the best mates for you emotionally, mentally? Do young girls really have the better deal?
Vet Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 45 is the penultimate peak of extreme hotness for a woman. Next year, it'll be 46. You do know penultimate is ultimate - 1, right?
Jersey Shortie Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Tunnel vision meet Jersey Shortie. You are once again generalizing and lumping all men into this category. I am in my mid 30's and I am dating a girl in her early 30's. Why? Because she is beautiful, intelligent, mature. focussed and has a lot of similiar interests. And she's also a B cup and that is just fine with me. As a man, should I generalize by giving a blanket questions "Why do girls flock to the guy driving the Porsche vs the guy driving the Prius?" or "Why do girls prefer dating jerks who buy them new bags and shoes over the guy who will actually treat them nicely??". Well I am glad you think this way. But most women don't run around this forum saying how hot guys are that drive Porsches or how they want them. Many men run around this forum telling women how worthless they are after a certain age. And then ironically, still want those same women they insulted to agree with them and think they are wonderful men. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I want to be attractive and sexy. I need a man to validate that. I believe men consider me disposable, and they don't care. If a man thinks a younger woman is "better" he thinks I am "worse." Because of this, I feel unlovable, and without a man to validate me as valuable and reflect an image of myself back to me, I can't identify myself as an independent, whole woman, and therefore I lose my sense of who I am. Sorry that sounds brutal, and I don't present it as my personal opinion of the poster, but I can't read the above passage - the words - without hearing that subtext. Look, I've been separated/divorced for 5 years now. The only woman who loved me in the last 25 years chose to leave me (for someone older - now in the context of this thread, is that ironic, or does it prove the point??? ) And in these later years, I haven't exactly been getting a lot of romantic action, young or old. You want a setup for feeling "unlovable"? Poster child candidate right here. But that's NOT how I feel; that doesn't reflect on who I am as an individual. I am rebuilding to a full life, I am proud of who I am, I have goals and dreams that are meaninful to me, I know I'm a decent person/man/human being, and I truly believe that my life has worth and value, as do I, as an individual. Romance, and my attractiveness may some day be an interesting and welcome adornment to my life, but it does not define me or my sense of my own worth. Then you are a better human being then me Trimmer. *rolls eyes. Really, that entire post of yours was atrocious, adacaciously odious and presumptious and degrading. Whether you like it or not, there are certain things that make women feel like women and men like men. Does a woman's inherent feeling to want to be beautiful, loved and cherished mean she is incompletely, selfish, needy or co-dependent. NO. And to make such an assumption really shows your own inability to be a fully completely human being. Does it mean that I do not have personal goals and attributes and expectations, outside or within relationships and romance that I try to live up to? Again, of course not. That would be a foolish assumption to make. You preach about defining one's self through romance. How about defining one's self through goals accomplished or not accomplished. Is that any more noble or born less out of a desire for validation in some form? Is a man's desire to accomplish playing baseball any more noble then a woman's desire to want to build a succesful home and love and relationship with a man? No. It's odious to assume that matters of the heart are the only things that define people. Or that just because someone has a desire to be treated how God infact intended women to be treated, that they are only wrapped up in this or this is what defines them. It isn't ME that is defning anything. It is ironically infact YOU who are making your own judgments and defining others based on a limited pool of information. With that being said, whether you can admit it or not, men and women garner a certain amount of validation from the opposite sex. Is that bad? Is that selfish? Is that vapid? No. It's human. Does it mean everyone is completely devoid of having self worth of themselves? No. That would be ridiculous amd presumptions. Does this mean this is all they should be wrapped up in? No. Does this mean that just because the topic comes up, and is discussed that this is the only thing that makes this person's life? NO. I don't sit around looking for validation from men. However, I won't deny my very feminine desires just because you as a man find them trite, silly or selfish when they are NONE of those things.
CarrieT Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Like many others who have posted, I am SO frigg'n grateful to no longer be in my 20s. Or 30s. It took me until my 40s to really enjoy men and living and sex. When I cum now, I cum in BUCKETS. I enjoy my body and others' bodies. I am confident and admired and I get hit on more now than I ever did before. And it is the 20-somethings and 30-somethings that are approaching me. I'm frustrated that the 40-somethings are not approaching me, but that will come with time.
caramel c Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 These are such great points, Ms. Jones. And I want to share my own story. It's similar. *clears throat* I found out from one of my best friends that a guy she had been friends with made the comment that he didn't date X race of people. He said he could date these people or these people, but he couldn't date X race b/c of [fill in blank with any number of reasons]. She came and told me and we had a discussion about this. Now, I know that the majority of people on Earth date/marry within their own race, so that's not a problem. But like you, I had a problem with this "natural" action, and I could not understand why the guy could not date X race. You see, I identify in that race he said he wouldn't date and I grew resentful and hurtful. Do you know what I did then? I went out of my way to prove to myself that I could change his mind. I wanted to show him that he's still a guy, and regardless of whatever preferences he could muster, he would date a pretty girl regardless of what shade she came in. I did it. I laughed at his jokes, I flirted, I batted my eyes. I wanted him to validate me. I never told him how I had heard of his little comment and had grown resentful of it. I went after him with simply the wish to prove to myself and my friends that this guy was bullsh**ing and would simply say whatever he could to make a girl like him, even resorting to racial comparisons! A few weeks later, I had him calling me for lunch, dinners, movies etc. Here he was, going back on his speech about how he couldn't date X women, and here he was dating them! My friend and I thought it was wierd. He had seemed so adamant that day. I can't date X and they just don't do for me etc. But guess what I found out? One of Envogue's song says, "If they don't want ya, ya don't need them" and this was a classic example. That's what I'm trying to tell you. The guy I wanted to validate me didn't turn out to be so great of a person. He always wondered why he didn't have any friends or people who liked him. He was a perve, reduced meaningful conversations to sex jokes, and embarrassed me in front of some of my friends with his lustful comments. I got tired of him. I dropped off the face of the Earth. He resorted to calling my friend and asking what happened to me. You see, it wasn't about him at all. It was about me, and I realized I had wasted some energy and precious time on a person who I really didn't care for. If a person doesn't want you (or writes you off for similar reasons) then at the end of the day, you probably don't need him. What I am saying is ask yourself if these men who date younger women are who you want to date? Are they the best mates for you emotionally, mentally? Do young girls really have the better deal? It sounds to me like he didn't exactly make an exception with you...maybe he wouldn't date X race FOR MARRIAGE, but he'd have no problem SLEEPING WITH somebody from X race. You see, the way he behaved says it all. It's not right, but it's common. You were gonna get played.
caramel c Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I say that because you practically threw yourself at him, and he had no respect for you. He didn't like you and I don't think you proved any point. I apologize for sounding harsh, I just had to call this one out. Nothing personal against you.
Chicago_Guy Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 No worries here.. I find young people attractive too.. I wouldn't go back to my 20s... I am very happy where I am .. and I am probably one of the oldest woman on LS... I can still compete with much younger women... so ...it's not a problem for me.. I think that Jersey Shortie is referring to a long-term relationship and possibly marriage, not a mere hook-up.
Scottdmw Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I know this is a difficult and sometimes painful subject for some women. Women more than men do sometimes feel that their self worth is tied up in their beauty, rightly or wrongly. I think there are two things though that should be kept in mind. First, at the end of the day what men are attracted to is not really up to them to choose. Women, ask yourself this. Can you make yourself attracted to someone that you're not attracted to? How many times in your life has someone told you that they know a really nice guy they want to set you up with, but after one look or one conversation you were just not attracted for whatever reason? Could you, by an effort of will, have made yourself attracted to that person? Unless the answer is yes, I would suggest that you try to be understanding of men that at a certain point we are what we are and we can’t choose who we are attracted to either. You can try to lay on the guilt but it isn't going to change anything. At best you will succeed in making men lie to you. Second, you should take heart in the fact that there is an enormous difference between what men initially find attractive and what they love long term. Did you know that over two thirds of divorces are initiated by women? It is not usually the case that a woman gets old and her man leaves her. It is usually the other way around. You have a lot of power, more than you really appreciate most of the time. It is true that youth is important for initial attraction, I certainly find this to be true for me. It is not the only factor but it does matter. But that is entirely different from whether I would continue to love a woman if she attracted me while she was relatively young, we fell in love, married, and spent our lives together. I know that every man in my family has stayed with his woman for his whole life and been happy. I don't see why it would be different for me. Scott
Author MissJoness Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 What I am saying is ask yourself if these men who date younger women are who you want to date? Are they the best mates for you emotionally, mentally? Do young girls really have the better deal? No, most likely they're not. Do young girls have the better deal...it seems that way at times.
missdependant Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 And men seem to find age a big concern. My point of view is that you seem to find it a bigger concern than most of the men on this forum. You have brought up age more than most of the men on this forum. Maybe the issue isn't with men. Maybe it's with you. Getting old is a part of life, just like dying. You can't stop it, so live with it.. otherwise, have fun trying to bring people down. Most people really don't care about getting older. Every age has it's advantages. Beauty is an advantage to being in your 20s, but it's not EVERYTHING there is to live for. I'm sorry for anyone who thinks so. And in a way I think it's funny when people obsess over things so trivial and inevitable.
samspade Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Women define what is masculine, and men define what is feminine. Men are simply (and generally) attracted to youthfulness. If that were not true, then there would be no money made in the anti-aging beauty product market. That's not an excuse to trash women of any age, however. But I think it's healthy for men to be honest about what they find attractive, and ditto for women.
AlektraClementine Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Haha. When I read the subject, I didn't think it applied to me. However, given that I'm 32, I suppose I'm of the "older woman" ranks. Nevertheless, it doesn't bother me a bit. If a dude likes chasing younger skirts, so be it. You couldn't pay me to be 25 again. I've done that. Enjoyed myself when I was there, but every year that passes by, I'm happier and more content. I'm weird though. I totally look forward to 40. 50 and 60 for that matter. What I've noticed is that as you age, other things in your life lessen. For example, the number of real friends that I have. My tolerance for BS and posturing is at an all time low. I love everything about being in my 30s!
Chubbi Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I say that because you practically threw yourself at him, and he had no respect for you. He didn't like you and I don't think you proved any point. I apologize for sounding harsh, I just had to call this one out. Nothing personal against you. Sure. Whatev...
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