trueforever Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Well hello everyone, this is my first time on here so if you can bear with me it’s a long one lol!!![/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Ok here we go!! Me and my ex had been dating for just over a year, the relationship was absolutely amazing, agreed by both parties, we spent all a lot of time together and loved being around each other, the sex life was great, and it was the best relationship ever. We are both 28 year old and we are definitely not getting any younger. So to say the least I am completely in love with this girl and I was pretty sure she was the one, taking into consideration her actions and words toward me. Now just over a week ago she started acting a little weird and she finally came out with it. She says our relationship has been amazing and I’m and amazing guy but something inside her and only something inside her is telling her that I just might not be the one and she was very emotional. She stands by that reason and she would of told me if there was another, like maybe another guy or something and I know her really well and I’m almost 100% sure there isn’t. Now to say the least I was SHOCKED, she told me this and I didn’t know how to react to it so we kind of let it go for that day. So after having some time to think about it, we talked again the next day and I accepted her feelings for what they were and didn’t try to convince her or put any pressure on her at all. Again she was very emotional and confused about it. She kept saying she hoped she doesn’t regret it and that I was amazing and she wished she didn’t have this feeling inside her because of how much I mean to hear. I told her I respect her feeling and was pretty much consoling her while she was crying. Well when it was time to say goodbye she wouldn’t and we were hugging and we started kissing and she wouldn’t let me say the words goodbye because she thought they sounded like forever, so after that I said I’ll see you later and left.[/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] Now a week went by with no communication whatsoever and trust me I was dying inside, I was a wreck and it was probably the worst week of my life. So yesterday I call her and we talked just casually about what each other were up to and nothing serious at all, so I ask her if she would like to together and go for a ride or what ever and she says yes. The reason I asked her to do this was for a couple of reason’s, first I feel like I didn’t get my closure from the last talk and I needed it cause she kind of left it up in the air, second I was curious to see how she was doing and how she would react to my presence, third I wanted to make sure she knew that I was still there for her no matter what and that things don’t have to be awkward and that she’s my best fried and I want things to be cool but also letting her know that I’m fine and that I need to go on with my life.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] So were driving and were getting close to my house and after 30 min of just talking of whatever she comes out says is there something in particular you wanted to talk about. That’s when I said “kind of” and I went on to tell her that its been a little weird not talking to her but I didn’t tell her how much I’ve been hurting, and that I wanted her to know that I feel like I’ve lost my lover and my friend and that I would like her to know that I am there for her no matter what and if she ever needs me don’t hesitate and that I won’t assume anything if she does, just basically saying I’m here for her. Well she starts talking and telling me that this week has been really really hard for her, she can’t eat, sleep, needs to stay busy, all those things and that again she wished she didn’t feel this way and that it would be really easy to get back together and keep going like it used to be but she was still unsure of her feelings and it wasn’t fair to me and to her to keep going. Also that she agrees with everything I said and wants to talk to me still and appreciates the way I am handling the situation but it’s making it more difficult because she wishes I was just a jerk about it. . I also told her that everything happens for a reason and who knows what the future has in store and that life has a funny way of working things out, but I also made sure to tell her its life and I accept it but that I needed to keep living my life and she will get all the time and space she needs,. But I could tell that she was still kind of leaving that window of opportunity open that she doesn’t know now but she might regret this later, but whatever she does that fine with me I have come to terms with the situation and I will move on. So that was pretty much the just of the conversation and we ended it on a great note by understanding where each other were at with this and we hugged I said something to make her laugh and I went on my way. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] So to end my story I feel like I got my closure which I desperately needed, I wish she would come back to me but I don’t want to live my life with any false hope, but I will miss her with all my heart, and I hope she will too. It sounds bad but I think I felt better knowing that she still hasn’t come to terms with it yet I didn’t expect her to yet its only been a week, but I think I have somewhat, and I’m on the right path. But my questions to everyone are[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Do you think I handle to situation right? Is there anything I should have done different? Is there anything I should or shouldn’t do from this point on? Has anybody else been in a similar situation and how did it work? Do you think she may realize what she lost? Do women eventually change their minds?[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Thanks So Much everyone!!! your comments and responses will be greatly appreciated!!![/sIZE][/FONT]
GrayClouds Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 1. Is there anything I should have done different? 2.Is there anything I should or shouldn’t do from this point on? 3.Has anybody else been in a similar situation and how did it work? 3. Do you think she may realize what she lost? 4.Do women eventually change their minds? 1. It does not matter 2. Yes read and follow this: The No Contact Guide 3. Yes more or less everyone here and it work poorly for us thats why we are here. 4. It does not matter any more 5. Very likely no but if you think there is a chance read and follow this: So you want a second chance?
Author trueforever Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 any other advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
JL911 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Coming from a guy who just got told almost the exact same thing over a month ago...I would just cut her off man, it is your only option...After 3.5 years my ex told me she loved me, that I was her best friend, and she could probaly marry me but just wasnt sure that there wasnt someone else out there better for her....She cried and told me this was the hardest thing she has ever had to do....It didnt help me any...Id have rather been hospitalized than hear that...I bawled my eyes out like I was 5 years old...I loved her so much...I didnt want the break up... If you stick around you give her the option to explore the possibilities while still having you in her back pocket should she need to. You simply cannot let her have her cake and eat it too....You have to just swallow the pain...Be a man and just take it on the chin and walk away...IT SUX!! She made the decision not you...Its in her hands... If you are not there and not around, and not running to her every call and demand, then there is always the option that she may lose you forever, or even better for you, you find a greater love that you never thought possible...Slamming the door shut forever on her chances with someone like you....You create a now or never situation...While at the same time you start to cope with this terrible loss... This is the absolute worst thing I have ever been through in my life. But I cannot stay around someone who cannot appreciate me for what I am and how much I love them. It is simply too painful for me...I have cut her off completely eventhough she still wants to be friends...I just cant do it...I cant be her friend simply because that was never my intention. For whatever reason girls throw away good guys in search of something they just are not going to find...maybe they are scared at times to be happy or have doubts and pick you apart but its not good enough reason to throw away a great person you love and want to be with. I think women have a desire of this picture perfect relationship in all aspects of life and it simply does not exhist. Everyone is different with their own minds, own hobbies, own interests...People cannot be realistically attached at the hip in all aspects of life. It just does not happen...It takes a lot of bad run ins with the wrong guys in order for them to realize what a wonderful caring person they walked out on... Everyone has faults, everyone is imperfect, and everyone has some issues...no relationship is like a movie...They require work on both sides and at times there are break downs by one party or the other...Thats when the relationship is truly tested and usually when things go from bad to worse... The right one will stand at your side through hell and take you for what you are and appreciate you always...And if you wanted things to work so badly with the wrong person, imagine how wonderful it is with the right one...You have to have hope that in the end, all of this pain will be worth your happiness... Let her go...You have no other choice...If its right, she may find out what she is missing or feel like she lost something, by that time you may not even care...If she does come back you need to be strong and let her know that you are still the same great guy and wonderful person she chose to walk away from...Nothing has changed on your end...Its her who now has to change...and that is not anything definate... Thats the best I can do...It is tragic and terrible on a person who has good intentions for someone, but you need to live your life and continue to be a good person. Karma will handle the rest. People cannot help but be drawn to or back to a good person... Realistically I would say when a girl walks out on a guy at some point (maybe a year or so down the road of unsuccessful, unfulfilling relationships) they eventually come looking back, but when it's a good guy they come looking for, generally it's too late...Then it is there loss for the terrible decision they made...It may become something she is going to have to live with forever....
Author trueforever Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Wow JL911 man thats the best advice i have heard so far, you are so bang on, and I do realize everything you said and that is why i will fallow that advice because i know its out of my hands. Its nice to finally find someone who is actually in the same boat as me, there are alot of others out there but it seems like there is always more to their stories then there is to mine. My just came out of now where, i mean no signs, no tells no nothing that is why its just so hard but I felt like I handled the situation well just incase she does regret what she does although in the end i'm probably better off without her. But she truly was an amazing person and thats whats so hard to let go but i will let her go just as you did and i respect that of you because alot of these guys beg and plead and it only make them feel worst. I chose to accept it for what it is, not have any hard feelings and show her the respect that i've always done, and i truly believe that was the best way, and she probably will regret it one day and it just may be to late and thats fine. Thanks again man i've been waiting for something like that, a whole hearted response from someone who truly gets my situation, and by the way i wish the best to you also, you sound like a good guy and i respect what you've said.
JL911 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 The only reason I let go was for my sanity....no real other reason....I could either stick around as a friend and hold on to hope and hang on her every word, or stand up for myself and tell her goodbye...I told her I couldnt be her friend and we havent spoke since... I care...I really do, but this was not my choice... It stinks not having someone there, but I have my friends and family. Im sure down the road somewhere there is going to be another amazing person...My Odd years are always my worst. 1st love at 18 broke up with me at 19... Met a great girl at 20...gone at 21 Met my ex at 22 broke up at 25.... See the pattern....
PinkToes Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 For whatever reason girls throw away good guys in search of something they just are not going to find...maybe they are scared at times to be happy or have doubts and pick you apart but its not good enough reason to throw away a great person you love and want to be with. I think women have a desire of this picture perfect relationship in all aspects of life and it simply does not exhist. And guys throw away good girls all the time too, for reasons that seem insane on our end. The thing is, if it's a gut-level feeling, it has nothing to do with looking for a set of characteristics that may or may not be found elsewhere. It's either there or it isn't, and as painful as it is, it rarely makes sense to the person on the receiving end. I'm very sad for what you're going through, though. Getting the rug pulled out from under you when everything seemed to be going so well is a horrible feeling, and I'm so sorry.
JL911 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 But there is very little I can do about it.... The question is do women EVER find fault in their decisions and regret them?...My guess is yes...
Author trueforever Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 I think everyone is making good points, and yes its true, its either there or it isn't, the question is whats the answer, if your not sure then, then will you ever be, one way or the other? Its only human nature to second quess yourself for whatever may be the underlying reason. As for what you can do about it? we all know the answer is nothing!!!! its out of our hands but sometimes i believe, and i say this because I know it happens to some, it does find its way back to you although its no definate, you shouldn't live in false hope or hope at all for that matter, its not fair to you, but if you do care so much for them you will let go of them, and still keep them tucked in the back of your heart..... so like you said JL991 all we can do is move on and go one with our lives, although its hard if its meant to be its meant to be!!!!
PinkToes Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 The question is do women EVER find fault in their decisions and regret them?...My guess is yes... Absolutely, I'm sure that's true. It hasn't happened to me because I've been dumped more than I've done the dumping; I tend to hang on too long rather than leave when things aren't going well. But the positive side of being the dumpee is that there are no regrets, if you feel you did your best while you were together. Maybe that's why I've always been reluctant to leave first; I didn't want to have second thoughts. The challenge I've had, and I think this happens for a lot of people, is that my relationships were either really compatible or really connected, but never both. I've been with men who were a great match on paper, we got along great, but that connection was missing. Or else the connection was intense, but the basics weren't there. I struggled to find a deeper connection with the one who was a great match, and it just wasn't there. Similarly, I held on to the one who wasn't such a good fit because I figured if you had love, you could work on the rest. I wondered whether it was even possible to find both in the same person, until I met my most recent ex. And that was definitely worth waiting for, even though that relationship eventually blew up and left me feeling absolutely devastated. So it's always a risk to decide whether to even look for the whole package, and sometimes it pans out, and sometimes it doesn't. There is definitely room for regret, and the grass isn't always greener. And some people do come back when they realize that. I think those who find the combination of compatibility and connection are very fortunate, but even that isn't enough unless you're both committed to making it work. At the moment, I think love, in general, is just too big a risk. That's probably why I sound so cynical!
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