Author LaDiva Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 well, I see the logic there and that may end up being accurate. but as someone who was at the bar every night at your age, I can tell you that even though your preferred activities may change, I highly doubt that you'll all of a sudden develop into a homebody. even though I don't have much use for "the bar" per se anymore, I still also don't have much use for sitting around watching TV on the couch. don't excuse a lack of compromise by thinking it'll resolve itself. like we go out to family related things... his sister had a barbecue for the 4th of july, his cousin had a birthday party... our church hosted two concerts at a big theatre in Manhattan. But what people don't realize is... that save for my SO, i don't know anyone here. My family and closest friends all live in another state. So I would like to go out and find things to do, but because he's been here all his life, he's like blah.
Author LaDiva Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Umm seriously!? Wow, you're a little dream come true- lapses in judgement therefore you get to flirt/ send myspace messages... give it 10 years the flirting and messages are going to be 10 times worse. My boundry is not your boundry and yours is not mine. so you don't think flirting isn't normal??
Woggle Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 It might not be full blown cheating but it sets the tone for the marriage. When she feels that is bored and he can't deliver some impossible fantasy that does not exist in real life she will cross that line.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 As dexter. or trimmer said... sure i gave him a consolation prize by giving him my number but it was never meant for him to call me and continue on a relationship. a scandalous affair whatever. I honestly had not intentions of ever speaking to this guy again. well unless you had already planned to change your phone number soon, what did you think was gonna happen? You think the guy just collects numbers, writes them in a book and never calls them?
Dexter Morgan Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I aimed this not at the posters who said that 'you're doing this wrong, you need to sit down with him and establish boundaries', but rather the posters who essentially said 'you cheated, so you have no right to expect or ask anything of him anymore'. I never said she didn't have the right to sit him down and talk about boundaries. But now is not the time. Now is the time to make it right with him BEFORE talking about boundaries she expects in return.
harmfulsweetz Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Umm seriously!? Wow, you're a little dream come true- lapses in judgement therefore you get to flirt/ send myspace messages... give it 10 years the flirting and messages are going to be 10 times worse. My boundry is not your boundry and yours is not mine. Exactly my point. Unless stated, flirting is acceptable. Flirting is just that, flirting. Wow, if for every R on here, no one is allowed to flirt outside of it, jesus, we'd all be bored and have no friends of the opposite sex/same sex depending. I flirt with some of my best mates, men whom I would never sleep with in a million years. I always have done, and won't stop now because of the R unless it was sexual, and was going to lead to something. Contrary to the popular belief on here, people don't jump up and abandon a social life, friends, their ability to flirt and have a good time, as soon as they enter an R. Would I ask my bf to stop socialising with women? No. Why? Because I don't need to.
harmfulsweetz Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 well unless you had already planned to change your phone number soon, what did you think was gonna happen? You think the guy just collects numbers, writes them in a book and never calls them? Thing is, when you're put on the spot like that, sometimes it's hard to say no, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. You may not intend on answering the calls, texts whatever, but sometimes it is hard to say no, I've been there.
Author LaDiva Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Yep love it I knew you would... You know, I do not know what he thinks he accomplished by deleting me from his myspace account and putting betrayed as his status. Although I was wrong, if you want to break up with me, then just do it.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Exactly my point. Unless stated, flirting is acceptable. Flirting is just that, flirting. ok then questions for you: 1) why do you flirt? 2) would you flirt with a guy that you find highly unattractive? If so, why? Whats in it for you 3) you don't think flirting is showing some sort of interest in another person, whether you intend to hook up with them or not? You don't think that isn't sending a signal to the other person that you are attracted to them?
Dexter Morgan Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 From Merriam-Webster: Definition of flirting: a: to behave amorously without serious intent b : to show superficial or casual interest or liking as for definition a: why would someone want a bf or gf that behaves amorously with anyone else but them? and serious intent? What about non-serious intent? And b is the part in which I was making my point.
harmfulsweetz Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 No not really. You can flirt without being sexual towards a person. You don't have to send off loads of signals. It doesn't have to be about sex, it could be about enjoying someone else's company. I may not be attracted to a guy, but I may find him a fantastic laugh, and continue the conversation. Me and my friend's bf flirt, we poke fun at each other but we aren't attracted.
harmfulsweetz Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 being interested in someone doesn't equate to actually fancying them, though does it? I find many of my female counterparts interesting, and I have a liking for them, but not sexually, not in that way. Is it always that sordid?
Dexter Morgan Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Thing is, when you're put on the spot like that, sometimes it's hard to say no some people don't have a problem saying, "sorry, I'd be disrespecting my girlfriend if I gave you my number". I've actually said that a couple times. Nothing wrong with it and it lets the person asking for the number save face. Nothing wrong with letting someone know that you are taken and its inappropriate to be giving out a number. Not only that, you just don't give your number out to just any creep, and it was obvious that when this guy found out she had a man, did that stop him? no....he is a player and he got those digits anyway. Probably bragged about it to his buddies that no man's woman can resist him.
harmfulsweetz Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 He should definitely have the decency to do it properly. And it's pretty damn childish too. You didn't do much wrong, granted there was a lapse in judgement, but nothing happened. If he trusted you, he would believe that. Could this be an excuse of some sort? Seriously, sit him down, and say that you want it resolved, admit wrong, but you can't continue this way, being punished for next to nothing.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 being interested in someone doesn't equate to actually fancying them, though does it? yes, it does............. I find many of my female counterparts interesting uh you are talking apples and oranges here. There is "interested" and "interesting". I find some women "interesting", but I'm not "interested" in them in a fondness kind of way. Flirting is showing an interest...or better yet, an attraction. Otherwise, why flirt? You wouldn't flirt with someone you don't find attractive.
Author LaDiva Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 well unless you had already planned to change your phone number soon, what did you think was gonna happen? You think the guy just collects numbers, writes them in a book and never calls them? no... i meant that obviously he would call me, but obviously i wouldn't answer/ignore him, until he got the message
harmfulsweetz Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Ok well. It was a lapse in judgement, and it isn't easy to say no. I've had many a man pressuring me to give them my number, (ok I often gave out a dodgy one) and some men, if I like them as a friend, I would give out my number. See, everyone assumes that when someone gives out their number, they intend it to progress, I often don't. I was friends with a guy from holiday, I was single, he wasn't. But as events happened, we became very close to each other, sometimes staying up to talk until like 7 am. Nothing happened. We flirted, we talked. I took his number, he took mine.
Author LaDiva Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Thing is, when you're put on the spot like that, sometimes it's hard to say no, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. You may not intend on answering the calls, texts whatever, but sometimes it is hard to say no, I've been there. yeah that was my plan guess it didnt work out that way.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 No not really. You can flirt without being sexual towards a person. flirting doesn't have to be sexual to show an attraction or interest in someone. You don't have to send off loads of signals. then don't flirt...because thats what flirting does...sends off signals. Otherwise it isn't flirting. its just merely talking to someone. It doesn't have to be about sex, it could be about enjoying someone else's company. simply enjoying someone elses company isn't flirting....unless you are batting your eyes at them and touching them when there is no need to touch. and even then you don't have to touch to be considered flirting. But just enjoying one's company in general isn't flirting. I may not be attracted to a guy, but I may find him a fantastic laugh, and continue the conversation. thats not flirting. Me and my friend's bf flirt, we poke fun at each other but we aren't attracted. again, poking fun at someone or enjoying a conversation isn't flirting.
Author LaDiva Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 From Merriam-Webster: Definition of flirting: a: to behave amorously without serious intent b : to show superficial or casual interest or liking as for definition a: why would someone want a bf or gf that behaves amorously with anyone else but them? and serious intent? What about non-serious intent? And b is the part in which I was making my point. Dex, if someone says you're superficial what does that mean? To me it means fake... I feigned an interest in enjoying this person's qualities so he could buy me breakfast.
Author LaDiva Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 some people don't have a problem saying, "sorry, I'd be disrespecting my girlfriend if I gave you my number". I've actually said that a couple times. Nothing wrong with it and it lets the person asking for the number save face. Nothing wrong with letting someone know that you are taken and its inappropriate to be giving out a number. Not only that, you just don't give your number out to just any creep, and it was obvious that when this guy found out she had a man, did that stop him? no....he is a player and he got those digits anyway. Probably bragged about it to his buddies that no man's woman can resist him. llmao! he looked like biggie smalls... i'm SURE he told his friends.
harmfulsweetz Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 No it's not. Interest doesn't always indicate attraction. And also, to actually put it into words, is attraction a bad thing? Is it wrong that I may find my Law lecturer attractive, but not actually fancy him? Just because you find someone attractive, doesn't mean you fancy them, it could mean you can see why someone would, and they interest you on certain levels, but not the right levels. People often flirt without realising it.
Author LaDiva Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 flirting doesn't have to be sexual to show an attraction or interest in someone. then don't flirt...because thats what flirting does...sends off signals. Otherwise it isn't flirting. its just merely talking to someone. simply enjoying someone elses company isn't flirting....unless you are batting your eyes at them and touching them when there is no need to touch. and even then you don't have to touch to be considered flirting. But just enjoying one's company in general isn't flirting. thats not flirting. again, poking fun at someone or enjoying a conversation isn't flirting. So then, in actuality we're just gonna say that I didnt even flirt with the guy. because you say enjoying a conversation in general isnt flirting. If he was in his car, and I was in my friend's. And we sat at the dinner we merely sat next to each other... i mean what does that mean?
Dexter Morgan Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Dex, if someone says you're superficial what does that mean? To me it means fake... It has many meanings. When I use it, it means liking physical features, or any other feature in someone that has nothing to do with their character or who they are on the inside. I feigned an interest in enjoying this person's qualities so he could buy me breakfast. OMFG.....tell your bf that...see if he is fond of the idea of his gf feigning interest so a guy takes her out to breakfast.
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