Only attracted to much younger women--any useful thoughts?

[CaliGuy]

Ok Jersey, I'm going to try one more time to get this through to you....

 

But she won't be 20 forever and that is apparently what men like the most.

 

What men? All men? Some men? Few men? You say it as if ALL men feel that way or even a majority and I think you're wrong. And speaking as a MAN, I don't feel that way. SOME men might, but I don't think a majority do. Maybe rich men can and DO date young women and trade them in, but most men I know deeply desire a monogamous relationship. I know I do.

 

I don't need many young women. I just need the RIGHT woman for me, regardless of how young or old she is.

 

And I have told you time and time again that I am not nor will not discriminate based on age. Looks -- well I have no control over who I am attracted to any more than YOU do.

 

You didn't hit 30 and stop wanting to be handsome, attractive and percieved as youthful. Neither do women. But it just seems that men consider our worth as women less then what they consider their worth as men to be.

 

A lot of things "seem" to you based on what the minority of people think, not the majority. You tend to focus on a "leaf" and not the forest.

 

Because an older man that is interested in a younger woman is sending a clear message about what is important to him.

 

What does what ONE MAN like have to do with YOU? He's one guy. SO FRAKKING WHAT?!

 

To then turn around and say that he likes her for much more, is to ignore the real fact that he based his choice *first* on her age and looks.

 

Again, SO WHAT?! What does any of that have to do with YOU?!

 

And since no woman stays the same age, I guess as a woman, we just loose out on having a man love us and think we are beuatiful no matter our age.

 

Well Jersey, I'm sorry that you feel one man's decision effects every woman on the planet and that a woman's value is based on what ONE man thinks. Not every man is seeking a younger woman. Not every woman is seeking an older man. Everyone's individual preferences are different.

 

You, my dear, just need to get over it and move on with your life. None of the decisions made by men you are NOT dating and have no interaction with effect your life in any way.

 

And honestly, men are insatiable

 

More generalizations....come on, Jersey. This is getting ridiculous.

 

and often from the comments here, seem just concerned with a limited age range of women.

 

Wow. So based on a few comments from LS you are condemning all men. Great. That's really silly, Jersey.

 

While I fit that age range now, I won't forever and I am left wondering where that leaves me in the world to men? Unloveable? Less sexy? To the same exact men that sit there and toot their own horns? And these so called older men that would never leave their younger wife, are they still eying 20 year old girls in the street? online?

 

So really what you are saying, Jersey, is that you are insecure. The age "problem" as you perceive it to be hasn't even happened to you -- and it may NEVER happen to you -- but you're whining and complaining about it now.

 

Do you even remotely understand how ridiculous your argument is?!

 

When the problem happens to you, IF EVER, then complain about it. Hell, for all we know you may end up being a Cougar later in life. What will you say then?! LOL

 

The message it seems is that a man's worth is much more important and better then the worth of a woman.

 

You SEEM to twist and distort your perception of reality a lot. No one, not ONE person here, has even insinuated that anyone is worth more or less than someone else. That is your own ridiculous and ill-gotten perspective of life.

 

And honestly, Jersey, if you are having trouble finding and keeping a man, I would have to say that it just may have something to do with your VERY negative outlook on life. You have no basis for being so negative, so I don't know what your issue is.

 

And that seems to be how men like it.

 

Nope. That's your sick and twisted view of the world. That is not reality.

 

But of course, I will be called "evil" even though it's men being pretty clear how they feel about women after a certain age.

 

I don't think you're evil. I think you're bitter and I still haven't figured out why.

 

But I am the "evil" one for feeling uncertain about exactly what is important to men when it seems that it's clear that what is most important, is the age of the women in question. Men can take forever to grow up, and then toot their own horns about how fabulous they are and tell women how awful they are for maturing themselves. It's depressing. And really, weather you are 20 or not, women don't get a break.

 

I think the only thing that is clear here, Jersey, is you have a very negative and bitter viewpoint of men in general.

[MissJoness]

The highlighted part is exactly what i believe too. This may not go over well, but i think it's just the stereotypical "type" of man after the young chick cause he thinks they are hotter. And I say stereotypical because i dont think ALL men are like that. But some are. Tell me its because you think they have a 'free" attitude all you want. But i roll my eyes at that.

 

You needed to come on here to find out why you prefer 20-somethings??You want younger women because you think they are hotter. There. That will be 50 dollars please.

 

Just remember, she wont look 26 all her life. The fact that you will still be older as you both age is not the point. You liked her in the FIRST place because of how 20-somethings look. You are NOT attracted to 30-somethings, remember? You have to FORCE yourself to feel a sparkle.

 

So, the question still stands. What happens when she starts looking 30-something??

Sometimes it's not even about how they look...I think they go after them just because their age is young. I've already witnessed guys in my age group going after even younger girls (I didn't expect this to start happening until I was at least in my late 30s early 40s) and the girls aren't even all that. I bet if I went around telling guys I was 18/19, they'd probably pursue me even more just because..

[clv0116]

But she won't be 20 forever and that is apparently what men like the most.

 

What *I* like the most is someone who I've got a long history with to spend time together with. Obviously as a single person that's not possible. If you can wrap your head around that as a starting point maybe we can move forward.

[Jersey Shortie]

Really, there is nothing more to say to you CaliGuy. You've called me silly and ridiculous just about in every sentence in your above post. So anything else I say to you, I doubt will be met with any more respect. On top of that, I don't understand you. You say you would date women your age but then you said clearly in one post that you prefer younger women. So which is it?

 

 

Does suddenly a few represent all?

 

From my perspective, it doesn't seem like just a few.

 

JS you admit that you are disillusioned by men, and that is evident on a regular basis in your posts. Nearly all your posts end up making mention of how the majority of men on this board think poorly of women - employing sweeping generalizations which end up being nested in nearly all your posts. I think that this viewpoint is so entrenched in your psyche you don't even realize you are applying it so liberally.

 

You are very articulate. And yes, I realize that sometimes it seeps into my posts liberally. While it's not my purpose to turn everything into that, when certain subjects comes up, and we get into the same old dance and tune, I join in as well in same old dance and dance.

 

It appears you are so jaded and disillusioned by men that it results in a skewed perception of how most men think.

 

Well I think I am pretty rational about it honestly. I pay attention to the things men do, what they say....not just on this board but in real life...and I don't think my opinons are so out in left field to the majority.

 

From your views on here, it appears that you honestly believe this is the status quo amongst men - which makes it hard to believe your arguments come a place of unbias.

 

Yes, I do believe there is a status quo amongst men. And no, I don't think I am unbiased. I know I am in my own way. As is everyone else too.

 

Certainly there are some men on here who post offensive and demeaning views about women, but do you really think it is fair to paint the rest of us with such a broad brush?

 

I guess my opinion is that there is more bad out there then good. And while I know "not all men are like that ", enough are to make it hard to see the good ones.

[clv0116]

.... I didn't expect this to start happening until I was at least in my late 30s early 40s ....

 

How old are you?

[clv0116]

I guess my opinion is that there is more bad out there then good.

 

Well if you really believe there is bound to be bad first then later good is bound to happen I guess all you have to do is wait.

[MissJoness]

How old are you?

I'm 24. I already see guys from ages 24-28 going after 18-20 year olds. Most of us still look young and just as good but they have to go even YOUNGER, which is so sickening

[clv0116]

I'm 24. I already see guys from ages 24-28 going after 18-20 year olds. Most of us still look young and just as good but they have to go even YOUNGER, which is so sickening

 

Sickening why? I'm not being cute, I wonder if it's sickening from a competitive viewpoint, a moral viewpoint, or why. I don't find a 26 year old guy dating a 19 year old (for instance) sickening at all.

[CaliGuy]

Really, there is nothing more to say to you CaliGuy. You've called me silly and ridiculous just about in every sentence in your above post. So anything else I say to you, I doubt will be met with any more respect.

 

I said what I said so that you could see, outside of your own self for a second, how silly you sound. You use sweeping generalizations to describe men. The person who said you use weasel words was pretty much on target.

 

People who seek bad things in life will surely find it. People who see the good things in life will SURELY find it. It's all a matter of perspective. If you see life as 1/2 empty, for you it will be. If you see life as being half-full, it will be.

 

Life is what you make of it, JS. If you think the motivation for most men comes from a negative standpoint then that will seep out into your interactions with them and consequently turn them all off.

 

Bottom line here is I'm not trying to be a jerk to you, I am trying to get you to see that your perspective on men in general is so slighted and jaded that it's going to cause you to have far more issues with men in the future.

 

Some men are jerks, for sure. So are some women as well. I know this and I don't let any bad interactions I have with a woman or two skew my viewpoint of people as a whole. I just simply eliminate bad people from my life so that I am completely surrounded by good ones

 

On top of that, I don't understand you. You say you would date women your age but then you said clearly in one post that you prefer younger women. So which is it?

 

I prefer younger because, for the most part, younger women are more active. I am a very active person -- even at 40 -- and most women my age can't keep up with me. Is that a bias or a generalization? Sure, because I am sure there are 40 year old women out there that can run me ragged.

 

I have yet to find one, though.

 

Again, it has much less to do with what she looks like and much more to do with at what point they are in their life. I've explained it -- oh at least four or five times in this thread. I have also said "If I found someone my age who was at the same point in life, I'd be all over it."

 

So far, in the last 5 years of searching, I haven't found anyone that's on the same plane I am. Not saying she doesn't exist. Just saying I haven't found her. In the meantime, I'm keep the door open for whoever the right woman is and I'm not axing any of them from the list -- regardless of age or location.

 

And you know what? I am 100% positive that I'll meet the right one. Whether she's 22 or 44. Who cares?! All I care about is that it's a great match because I am not in this for the short term.

 

Cheers.

[MissJoness]

Sickening why? I'm not being cute, I wonder if it's sickening from a competitive viewpoint, a moral viewpoint, or why. I don't find a 26 year old guy dating a 19 year old (for instance) sickening at all.

I find it sickening. why do they have to go after a 19 year old when 26 year olds still look young?? They're just a bit more mature than a 19 year old. I think guys in their mid 20s who are already dating younger girls do so for the wrong reasons IMO And also it makes it harder for me because I have to compete with these even younger girls

[clv0116]

I find it sickening. why do they have to go after a 19 year old when 26 year olds still look young?? They're just a bit more mature than a 19 year old. I think guys in their mid 20s who are already dating younger girls do so for the wrong reasons IMO And also it makes it harder for me because I have to compete with these even younger girls

 

That's a lot more honest answer than I'm accustomed to getting. Thanks.

 

The first argument, regarding maturity, might be somewhat real but it's surely not 100% realistic as people mature at different rates. I personally think women mature faster than men on average. As for the 'wrong reasons', what would the right reasons be and what reasons do you suppose are really the motive?

 

The second argument is unequivocally true and I doubt the trend will diminish as your peer group ages.

[MissJoness]

That's a lot more honest answer than I'm accustomed to getting. Thanks.

 

The first argument, regarding maturity, might be somewhat real but it's surely not 100% realistic as people mature at different rates. I personally think women mature faster than men on average. As for the 'wrong reasons', what would the right reasons be and what reasons do you suppose are really the motive?

 

The second argument is unequivocally true and I doubt the trend will diminish as your peer group ages.

IMO, the right reasons would be more along the lines of the guy wasn't expecting to fall for a much younger girl but it just happened. It's not a common occurrance. He typically goes for a girl his age but this younger girl just had a certian quality about her that is not the norm and he dated her.

 

The wrong reasons would be just because she is young, just because her chronolically age says that she is 19, 20, thus makes her more desirable than someone who is 25, 26 Or because they want a girl that they can mold, and a control. Or because she has more years on her before she gets too old. I find that guys do it for these reasons moreso than anything else.

[WineCountry]

IMO, the right reasons would be more along the lines of the guy wasn't expecting to fall for a much younger girl but it just happened. It's not a common occurrance. He typically goes for a girl his age but this younger girl just had a certian quality about her that is not the norm and he dated her.

 

The wrong reasons would be just because she is young, just because her chronolically age says that she is 19, 20, thus makes her more desirable than someone who is 25, 26 Or because they want a girl that they can mold, and a control. Or because she has more years on her before she gets too old. I find that guys do it for these reasons moreso than anything else.

 

 

Excellent post.

[clv0116]

IMO, the right reasons would be more along the lines of the guy wasn't expecting to fall for a much younger girl but it just happened. It's not a common occurrance. He typically goes for a girl his age but this younger girl just had a certian quality about her that is not the norm and he dated her.

 

What if he typically goes for any girl he finds attractive without regard for age? Must he have a preference for dating near his own age? What if he dates or has dated older, younger, the whole spectrum?

 

 

The wrong reasons would be just because she is young, just because her chronolically age says that she is 19, 20, thus makes her more desirable than someone who is 25, 26 Or because they want a girl that they can mold, and a control. Or because she has more years on her before she gets too old. I find that guys do it for these reasons moreso than anything else.

 

So it's wrong to have age constraints in dating, or just certain ones?

 

 

 

Thanks for the calm and well explained responses, you've been exceptionally patient.

[MissJoness]

What if he typically goes for any girl he finds attractive without regard for age?

 

That would be fine, I have no problem with men like that.

 

Must he have a preference for dating near his own age?

 

Frankly, as a man or woman gets older, in the 40-50+ range. I can see why he/she may want to fool around with younger people.

 

But I just cannot wrap my brain around why a guy in his mid to late 20s want girls much younger than what they are already. It's not like the women in their age group are old, wrinkled, and don't have decent bodies. We are in just as good shape as the younger girls. Some of us can still pass for some of the younger girls.

 

As I've gotten into my mid 20s, I'm not considered that young anymore. I was only considered really young for about 5/6 years 18-23 yrs old. Now, I hear guys saying how the 18-21 year olds are more appealing and visually hotter and I'm not even out of my 20s yet. Even my mother tells me that I'm no spring chicken anymore.

 

 

 

So it's wrong to have age constraints in dating, or just certain ones?

 

Certain ones. I just feel a bit threatened by the younger girls that's all, and I'm venting my frustrations. I feel like the guys in my age group kinda want someone a little younger. Not all of them do, but some and I know its gonna get worse once I get 30+

[CaliGuy]

IMO, the right reasons would be more along the lines of the guy wasn't expecting to fall for a much younger girl but it just happened. It's not a common occurrance. He typically goes for a girl his age but this younger girl just had a certian quality about her that is not the norm and he dated her.

 

The wrong reasons would be just because she is young, just because her chronolically age says that she is 19, 20, thus makes her more desirable than someone who is 25, 26 Or because they want a girl that they can mold, and a control. Or because she has more years on her before she gets too old. I find that guys do it for these reasons moreso than anything else.

 

I'm sure this is true for a lot of cases. My last two g/fs -- we just fell for each other. It wasn't like either of us were looking for someone with such a large age gap.

 

And might I add that I have been completely honest when I say that I want someone who has not had kids or been married and that, especially at my age, limits the dating pool mostly to younger women.

 

Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. Do I have a hidden agenda? No, because have stated clearly that if I found someone my age at the same point in life and who took care of themselves at least at my level, then no problem. I'd go for it.

 

But am I purposely looking for a younger woman because their youth alone is attractive? Of course not. Odds are, most people act their age. Finding a younger woman who is more mature is much harder than you think.

[clv0116]

I just feel a bit threatened by the younger girls that's all, and I'm venting my frustrations. I feel like the guys in my age group kinda want someone a little younger. Not all of them do, but some and I know its gonna get worse once I get 30+

 

Fair enough. Thanks for helping me.

[You'reasian]

Then why don't you move there? I don't say that to be cheeky. But if this is how you really feel, that's fine. But if that's how you feel, that the grass is greener, why not move to there?

 

ALthough the situation you describe is way to idealistic to be the complete truth.

 

Here is my question for the guys here, why should I extend curties to older men that they wouldn't extend to me if I was older? If an older man considers it to be "settling" for someone his age, why do they expect women younger to settle for him?

 

When I am at the gym it's not the 38+ guys that are getting oggled. It's the hard body 20 something year old guys.

 

 

 

There can easily be a very predatory thing going on with-in the relationships older men and younger woman. Women often who seek out older men, enjoys it because they quite possibly grew up being preyed on in some forms by older men or are seeking some kind of validation that their father didn't give them. I unfortunetly think this can easily happen to alot of women. Instead of having men that view women as people first to protect as women, more and more men view women as something that is seen as what can most benefit him and prey upon that to fullfill their own desires at the expense of the woman/girl. They aren't looking out for the best interest of the woman. No, not all men do this. But I think sometimes that's easily what can steam relationship with an older man from younger women that are looking for some kind of male validation. Choosing older men isn't because older men are better, but for various reasons that can be deeply physcological. The truth is, today older men aren't better. Men don't take on the responsiblity in life they once did. Women aren't as tied to having to settle for older men either. And women do now pick men based on their looks more then they use to.

 

I can't help but think that often the male desire to talk himself up and how much better he is is really about his own insecurity about his own aging prowlness as he ages is bent out of being less important to the survial of the species. I think older men inherently know that they are no longer the best biological option. So we can talk about how mature older men are and how much money they make, but I personally think what is more attractive then an older man that has finally matured, is a younger man that has the wisedom to mature earlier. And actually, I believe that's the golden calf for most women. If women found a mature young man with his head on his shoulders and who was going places, that is infinitatly more appealing to women then your average older man that took forever to grow up.

 

And I think more and more women are less willing to give men leeway on something men won't give in return.

 

I haven't hit the 38+ crowd but I'm not a fresh college grad either - and as far as women oogling 20 something guys - that's awesome. When I used to swim more competitively, I got some nice comments and offers from older women and the way I see it - its the next generation's turn to be studs.

 

The younger guy with wisdom/maturity works in theory. I'll explain it as my younger, mature buddy says:

 

The young guy with maturity/wisdom will date women his own age (or younger), but 99% of these women have no clue what they want from dating or romantic relationships - mistake his kindness, financial responsibility, ambitions and emotional reciprocity for weakness/lame/boring - and move on to a few guys who are willing to like her alot less....until she figures out years later what she wants and by that time the young, mature guys is a forgotten memory.

 

The young mature guy will have his most meaningful relationships with older women, but when he decides to start nesting - the age thing becomes a factor.

 

For instance he may or may not warm up to the possibility of taking in someone elses children as his own. Women's careers blossom in their 30's - and being married to a younger man still has a social stigma in some environments (not all).

 

If the woman is more than 15 years older than he, reproductivity can be an issue too.

[Scottdmw]

As for what I suggest, I suggest that you use porn because you will alwys have the ideal 20 something girls you want. Secondly, who cares if women who are 27 don't want you? that's 100% their choice and there is nothing you can do about it. Just like there is nothing a 40 year old woman could do about you dating her. These girls, girls around my age, thing your too old. Case closed. Move on to someone that will accept you.

 

Jersie, you are crazy. I've seen you argue ad nauseum against porn on a large number of other threads. You may remember I'm one of the few people who agreed with you. Why are trying to tell me to use it? What is wrong with you?

 

I'm not going to pretend to try to discuss anything with you because it's obviously useless. I tried to be gentle and understanding of your issues but it obviously is not appreciated. You are insecure and you bring your own problems into others’ threads. You have no desire to help anyone, all you want to do is prove that you are a victim. I will not be responding to anything else you say unless you start treating people with courtesy and show some genuine desire to help.

[Jersey Shortie]

Jersie, you are crazy. I've seen you argue ad nauseum against porn on a large number of other threads. You may remember I'm one of the few people who agreed with you. Why are trying to tell me to use it? What is wrong with you?

 

Yeah, I don't remember but I think porn would be great for you.

 

 

I'm not going to pretend to try to discuss anything with you because it's obviously useless. I tried to be gentle and understanding of your issues but it obviously is not appreciated. You are insecure and you bring your own problems into others’ threads. You have no desire to help anyone, all you want to do is prove that you are a victim. I will not be responding to anything else you say unless you start treating people with courtesy and show some genuine desire to help.

 

Okay, this post says alot about you. And you are a bit of a head-case. What exactly am I suppose to appreciate. *scratches head. I digress. I do think porn would make the kind of companion you are seeking.

 

If women that are 27 don't want to date you, they don't want to date you. You can't force them or conjule them. Just like you don't want to date women your age, these younger women don't want to date you.