Only attracted to much younger women--any useful thoughts?

[Scottdmw]

What is it that you find more attractive in a 20 to 31 year old than you do about a 32 to 40 year old woman?

 

I do like that many younger women seem like they are happier and have more energy, they are more enthusiastic to do things. Mostly though I think it's simply physical.

 

Scott

[loveslife]

From the other side of the equation, women who go for guys who are much older are oftentimes looking for a father figure.

 

And something else to consider is that the time between 25 and 35 is when a lot of females go from girl to woman. It's also the biggest time of changing in terms of personality.

 

Meanwhile, for you, going from 35-45 you're not going to change all that much in comparison.

 

The guys I've known who have married much younger women tend to like being in control and in a position of "authority." That's not meant as a criticism, just what I've noticed.

 

One of the guys I know who married a 23 year-old when he was 33 got divorced in his mid-40s. He says he got married for all the wrong reasons (and yeah anyone can do that). He said he liked how young she was but that now he understands what's really important. We'll see when he pairs up next time what he has learned and what has changed.

 

I think you should definitely just go for the type you want. You're obviously not going to change your attraction preference based on what anyone here says. Everyone has to go down their own path and learn in their own time.

 

Good luck.

[CaliGuy]

That is a very good and very valid question. Since you're "only attracted to women much younger", are you going to trade in your girlfriend for a new, young one again once she hits 32, Scott?

 

What's your beef with men who prefer younger women? I sense this hits a personal nerve with you.

 

FWIW, she will always be younger than him. As he gets older, so will she but she will always be younger.

 

And if you really love someone and you both are a good match, you don't "trade in" for a new model.

 

Immature people who don't know what they want in life do that. Selfish people do that. Not people who truly love each other.

 

Cheers

[Trialbyfire]

I know that all the men in my family have stayed married to their wives for their whole lives, and happily. I don't see why I would be any different. I believe in for better for worse till death do you part, and there's no way that I plan on going back on that--quite seriously I don't believe in divorce under any circumstances, nor in having affairs. Can you say the same thing? 60-75% of divorces are initiated by women.

 

This is all beside the point for me though. It's not like I've made some conscious decision to want to be attracted to women 10 years younger. It just seems to be what happens.

 

Scott

Scott, were all the above referenced marriages, with substantial age gaps, where the men were a decade or more, older than the women?

 

This question is pertinent, especially considering the balance of what you've stated in the above excerpt of your post.

[Scottdmw]

Scott, were all the above referenced marriages, with substantial age gaps, where the men were a decade or more, older than the women?

 

This question is pertinent, especially considering the balance of what you've stated in the above excerpt of your post.

 

I don't honestly know what all the gaps are, I doubt they're mainly that large. Probably more like 5 years.

 

BTW, don't misread what I mean by "much younger", I do try to keep the gap to 10 years myself. That's a 36 year old dating a 26 year old, and my "ideal" age based on a combination of attractiveness and maturity is 28.

 

What are you getting at? If you're going to suggest that I'm more likely than other men in my family to get divorced, based on me having a 10 year gap vs a 5 year gap, please have some statistics to back it up--I have looked for such but haven't found much. Please also understand that even if it turns out to be true I'm not sure how much I can usefully do with that information. Would you honestly date someone you weren't attracted to because a study said your chance of divorce would be somewhat less?

 

Scott

[Jersey Shortie]

A normal, well adjusted guy that marries a woman ten years younger, will still see her as relatively younger when she's 40 and he's 50, and over time this will come to matter less and less anyway. A guy that's obsessed with youth, on the other hand, will never be content.

 

I agree with that.

 

BTW, don't misread what I mean by "much younger", I do try to keep the gap to 10 years myself. That's a 36 year old dating a 26 year old, and my "ideal" age based on a combination of attractiveness and maturity is 28.

 

What happens when she becomes 36 and your 46? Do you stop beeing attracted to her? Women age. We do apologize greately for it and I am sure if we could, we would stop doing so so that men wouldn't kick us to the curb for it or think we are less then them for it , which clearly alot of men do since they don't consider women in there peer groups to be of the same quality they clealry consider themselves to be.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't honestly know what all the gaps are, I doubt they're mainly that large. Probably more like 5 years.

 

BTW, don't misread what I mean by "much younger", I do try to keep the gap to 10 years myself. That's a 36 year old dating a 26 year old, and my "ideal" age based on a combination of attractiveness and maturity is 28.

 

What are you getting at? If you're going to suggest that I'm more likely than other men in my family to get divorced, based on me having a 10 year gap vs a 5 year gap, please have some statistics to back it up--I have looked for such but haven't found much. Please also understand that even if it turns out to be true I'm not sure how much I can usefully do with that information. Would you honestly date someone you weren't attracted to because a study said your chance of divorce would be somewhat less?

 

Scott

Just saying that your point about men in your family remaining married for the long-term, won't necessarily be applicable for you since your taste varies from theirs. As to how it's applicable to the rest of what you've said, is it possible that you naturally select women who aren't ready to settle down, due to your cynicism about marriage?

 

This doesn't mean that I see men who prefer younger women as horrible people. You're attracted to who you're attracted to, although I will admit that when I find out a man is attracted to much younger women, regardless if they're attracted to women their age, in the past I've immediately discounted them as dating material. But that's just my preference rearing its head too.

[Isolde]

TBF, you've said that you historically preferred older men, so why would you have been bothered by men who historically preferred younger women?

[Trialbyfire]

TBF, you've said that you historically preferred older men, so why would you have been bothered by men who historically preferred younger women?

It's okay for everyone to have their preferences, right?

 

I see a spread of ten years between a thirty-something man and a twenty-something woman as being a youth chaser, at least in my eyes. When a 40 something is dating a 30-something, they're usually in the same stage as life.

 

But, that's just my preference and not one that's necessarily applicable to Scott. If Scott prefers younger women solely for preference sakes and has accepted that within himself, it's no big deal. That he's made a thread about it, says he's concerned about it, so I'm giving him my two-bits which might be worth something or might not be worth something to him.

[D-Lish]

I don't see how dating someone 25 when you're 36 is a problem.

Chasing after 18 year old girls might qualify as a little creepy- but if you meet a younger woman and you have chemistry, I don't see the problem.

 

If you look after yourself and look good for your age- why should you have to settle for someone the same age that doesn't?

 

A 25 year old woman that lets her parents dictate whom she can date sounds ridiculous.

[Isolde]

I see a spread of ten years between a thirty-something man and a twenty-something woman as being a youth chaser, at least in my eyes.

 

Depends on if it's a pattern or not.

[Trialbyfire]

Depends on if it's a pattern or not.

If you notice the topic of this thread, it is a pattern with Scott.

[You'reasian]

 

If you look after yourself and look good for your age- why should you have to settle for someone the same age that doesn't?

 

 

Well said, D-Lish.

 

And what of women in their 30's, 40's and 50's (pumas, cougars, cheetahs etc) who date men in their 20's?

 

I find nothing wrong with this - but I know we humans have contradictions in our behaviors from time to time.

 

I think its ok for fellas in their 30's dating women in their 20's.

[CaliGuy]

If you look after yourself and look good for your age- why should you have to settle for someone the same age that doesn't?

 

Exactly! And most women, not all but a good majority of them that are my age do not take care of themselves at all.

 

I'm sorry, but if I care enough to keep myself in really good shape, I would expect my S/O to do the same.

[SoulSearch_CO]

And what of women in their 30's' date=' 40's and 50's (pumas, cougars, cheetahs etc) who date men in their 20's?[/quote']

It's shallow for men to chase after the fountain of youth. They should settle. But women shouldn't have to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was tongue-in-cheek...give me a break. LOL

[D-Lish]

Exactly! And most women, not all but a good majority of them that are my age do not take care of themselves at all.

 

I'm sorry, but if I care enough to keep myself in really good shape, I would expect my S/O to do the same.

 

 

I feel the same way- most men my age have let themselves go!

So...If younger women find him attractive and he finds them attractive- I see no cause for distress.

[loveslife]

Ya know, people date people from different age groups, different religions, different races, nationalities, etc. etc. There is not one set thing to do when it comes to relationships. At least not anymore.

 

The big difference I find is it seems like men want to highlight their ability or desire to get younger women. And then they like to criticize women their own age for having an issue with it.

 

I don't think many people care who you date. It's the attitude of thinking there is something to rub in your peer women's face that people take issue with, I feel.

 

There was an article I read recently that talked about how women in their 30s and 40s are more and more getting involved with men in their 20s. And this is a very mutual thing. Men prefer the maturity, sick of the drama of women in their 20s. And they like that more mature women are freer sexually, have careers and minds of their own. The women find that the younger men are more active than their peers and have a more positive attitude.

 

There was another article that said that women are more and more choosing to stay single well into their 30s and 40s because they won't settle and men just aren't impressing them.

 

So, it takes all kinds. There is not one right way of having a relationship. I really don't get this attitude of men feeling there's something impressive about getting younger women. Just do it and don't worry about it. Life goes on, ya know. There's still plenty of men for us older gals.

[CaliGuy]

The big difference I find is it seems like men want to highlight their ability or desire to get younger women. And then they like to criticize women their own age for having an issue with it.

 

It's gone both ways so far in this and other threads with a similar topic.

 

I don't think many people care who you date. It's the attitude of thinking there is something to rub in your peer women's face that people take issue with, I feel.

 

As far as I can tell it's not being rubbed in anyone's face. It's people having to defend their position on who they prefer which, IMHO, is ridiculous.

 

There was an article I read recently that talked about how women in their 30s and 40s are more and more getting involved with men in their 20s. And this is a very mutual thing. Men prefer the maturity, sick of the drama of women in their 20s. And they like that more mature women are freer sexually, have careers and minds of their own. The women find that the younger men are more active than their peers and have a more positive attitude.

 

There was another article that said that women are more and more choosing to stay single well into their 30s and 40s because they won't settle and men just aren't impressing them.

 

Fair enough. But I could say the same thing about women my age who are simply not impressing me whatsoever. It's very rare that I find a woman anywhere near my age that has her stuff together. And most of them have gone through a bad marriage (or two), have kids and an ex-husband/child support/alimony and other issues that keeps their ex around and involved. And I understand that -- I am just not willing to accept it in my life.

 

So, it takes all kinds. There is not one right way of having a relationship. I really don't get this attitude of men feeling there's something impressive about getting younger women. Just do it and don't worry about it. Life goes on, ya know. There's still plenty of men for us older gals.

 

It's got nothing to do with impressing anyone. The simple fact is, MALE or FEMALE, if you take really good care of yourself and clean up your "dirty laundry" then you are pretty much going to expand your dating pool past the normal age ranges of people who do not.

 

Whether one thinks it's bragging or not is their own issue. I think it's more or less people being personally insulted by something that has nothing to do with them.

[Scottdmw]

What happens when she becomes 36 and your 46? Do you stop beeing attracted to her? Women age. We do apologize greately for it and I am sure if we could, we would stop doing so so that men wouldn't kick us to the curb for it or think we are less then them for it , which clearly alot of men do since they don't consider women in there peer groups to be of the same quality they clealry consider themselves to be.

 

Jersie,

 

What you're saying about men kicking women to the curb is simply untrue in most cases. Most divorces are initiated by women. There are all kinds of threads about women “just not feeling it anymore”. It is usually the men who are kicked to the curb 10 years later.

 

From reading your post here, I do hear that you are angry at men and that you feel cheated that men your own age don't seem to like you. I know you think that is wrong and feel a sense of injustice. I do sympathize with that, but I would ask you to start another thread if that's what you want to talk about. I started this thread looking for suggestions. Do you have any on how we can all make this a better situation, other than telling men that they should feel the way you want or they are bad people?

 

Scott

[loveslife]

I started this thread looking for suggestions. Do you have any on how we can all make this a better situation,

 

Scott

 

I'm confused, I guess, as to what you are looking for exactly. Can you expand a bit on what you need help with?

[loveslife]

My experience dating the last couple of years has been very frustrating. I'm 36 years old. It seems like I never feel attracted to anyone over the age of 31 or so.

 

 

A lot of times I feel really frustrated with society because it seems like if people feel mutual attraction then the kind of age differences I'm talking about here should be okay. I feel like they're only not because these women have been told something by others that doesn't really correspond to the way humans are wired by nature, and that those "shoulds" are screwing things up.

 

Okay, so I re-read your OP because I'd really like to help.

 

If I'm reading this correctly, you think a five year or more age difference is considered bad by society?

 

I don't think that's true. I don't think anyone I know would blink an eye at a five year age difference.

 

Or, is it that the women you find attractive think you're too old for them? And you think this is because of society telling them they should have someone younger than you?

[Scottdmw]

Okay, so I re-read your OP because I'd really like to help.

 

If I'm reading this correctly, you think a five year or more age difference is considered bad by society?

 

I don't think that's true. I don't think anyone I know would blink an eye at a five year age difference.

 

Or, is it that the women you find attractive think you're too old for them? And you think this is because of society telling them they should have someone younger than you?

 

 

It's not the five-year difference that is the problem, that seems to be okay. If I could meet a whole lot of women who are exactly 31 years old things could probably work with one of them. As I mentioned, the problem seems to come more when I get to the 7-10 year age difference. At that point it just seems like a lot of women will act like they are attracted to me until they find out I'm 36, and will then shut down. I see a lot of posters on this site too that seem to think five years is the maximum respectable age difference. I'm frustrated because I feel like there is a group of women in the age range about 27-30 that I have mutual attraction with, but when they find out how old I am they think it's too old and they won't pursue it. Also, in least two cases a woman in this range has decided to pursue a relationship with me, only to have her parents convince/pressure her to end it because of the age. That's why I say I feel like society is placing these constraints on people.

 

Honestly I'm not really sure what I'm looking for with this thread, I realize there is no obvious answer. I originally posted it on the hope that someone might have something I hadn't thought of. I do appreciate the discussion and some of the comments I've heard with people trying to offer help.

 

Scott

[clv0116]

Even though it is cliche I think there is truth to the idea that some men are intimidated by women who are their own age or older .... when they get older theyre scared of the women in the same age group and I think theyre scared because women who have seen more life arent so easily impressed by anything they have to offer.

 

In my opinion this is malarkey. Older women are not intimidating, if anything they are easier. The hardest thing about dating an older woman is getting her to stop calling you afterwards.

 

 

 

It could also be that you dont want to deal with women who may have children or ....

 

Getting warmer, finish it with 'baggage' and you're getting close to one good reason to prefer younger women. Better bodies, generally better attitudes, fresher outlook, the only major downside to younger gals is that they are more of a challenge since they have more dating options.

 

People like to say 'young women are flaky' but in realty people are sometimes flaky, age isn't really a big predictor.

[clv0116]

.... in least two cases a woman in this range has decided to pursue a relationship with me, only to have her parents convince/pressure her to end it because of the age. That's why I say I feel like society is placing these constraints on people.

 

 

I've had this happen with girls in their 20s listening to their friends. Parental disapproval is usually a plus.

[WineCountry]

It's okay for everyone to have their preferences, right?

 

I see a spread of ten years between a thirty-something man and a twenty-something woman as being a youth chaser, at least in my eyes. When a 40 something is dating a 30-something, they're usually in the same stage as life.

 

But, that's just my preference and not one that's necessarily applicable to Scott. If Scott prefers younger women solely for preference sakes and has accepted that within himself, it's no big deal. That he's made a thread about it, says he's concerned about it, so I'm giving him my two-bits which might be worth something or might not be worth something to him.

 

 

The highlighted part is exactly what i believe too. This may not go over well, but i think it's just the stereotypical "type" of man after the young chick cause he thinks they are hotter. And I say stereotypical because i dont think ALL men are like that. But some are. Tell me its because you think they have a 'free" attitude all you want. But i roll my eyes at that.

 

You needed to come on here to find out why you prefer 20-somethings??You want younger women because you think they are hotter. There. That will be 50 dollars please.

 

Just remember, she wont look 26 all her life. The fact that you will still be older as you both age is not the point. You liked her in the FIRST place because of how 20-somethings look. You are NOT attracted to 30-somethings, remember? You have to FORCE yourself to feel a sparkle.

 

So, the question still stands. What happens when she starts looking 30-something??