Only attracted to much younger women--any useful thoughts?

[Scottdmw]

My experience dating the last couple of years has been very frustrating. I'm 36 years old. It seems like I never feel attracted to anyone over the age of 31 or so. This isn't a conscious decision that I'm making. I feel like I try to go out of my way to give women my own age a “chance”. I will accept offers of dates from them and do whatever, multiple times with the same woman even if I don't really feel it. I ask out women closer to my own age, if they seem like a good match, even if I don't feel any strong attraction. It doesn't usually seem to lead anywhere though, even if I force myself to flirt to try to generate some chemistry it never really feels natural.

 

Meanwhile I only really get the strong feeling of attraction from women that are more like 28 or younger. I look pretty young for my age, and I've actually been able to attract some of them in return, but the age thing often comes up. In one case I was dating a woman who was 25 and her father basically told her she was not allowed to date me due to my age. She went along with it. In another case, I went out with another woman around 25 a couple of times. We had unmistakable mutual attraction, but when she found out how old I was, she said she couldn't deal with it.

 

I just don't know what to do. I would like to be in a relationship, and I'm not consciously averse to dating women closer to my own age. I don't know how I can control my feeling of attraction though if it doesn't seem to be there. A lot of times I feel really frustrated with society because it seems like if people feel mutual attraction then the kind of age differences I'm talking about here should be okay. I feel like they're only not because these women have been told something by others that doesn't really correspond to the way humans are wired by nature, and that those "shoulds" are screwing things up.

 

I don't know if anybody can offer any useful advice, but I would be grateful if you can.

 

Scott

[kiss_andmakeup]

At 25 her parents decide who she can & cannot date? That seems a little ridiculous.

 

It can work...my boyfriend is a decent amount older than me (22 & 33; 20 & 31 when we met) and we have a really good relationship (and my parents love him). Honestly it's probably not even just physical attributes you are attracted to about these women...it's probably their relatively carefree nature (women in their 20's are not as pedal-to-the-metal when it comes to relationships as women in their 30's, because they don't have the whole "my biological clock is ticking" attitude yet) or energy.

 

I would say just keep looking, you'll find the right woman, young, old, or in between. And don't limit yourself to an age group, whether it's women your own age OR younger women.

[burning 4 revenge]

Well first of all I think youre courageous for admitting that this is the truth for you even though you will definitely be judged for it.

 

Do you wonder why you are only attracted to women in their 20's? Is it soley a physical thing do you think or is there some psychological reason for it?

 

Even though it is cliche I think there is truth to the idea that some men are intimidated by women who are their own age or older....its like a lot of young guys rely on their youth to snag older women for a good time, but when they get older theyre scared of the women in the same age group and I think theyre scared because women who have seen more life arent so easily impressed by anything they have to offer.

 

It could also be that you dont want to deal with women who may have children or other ties to things fro their past and thats why you want a whiter canvas

 

SO thats what I would begin with...ask yourself why you think you prefer younger women and start from there

[Vet]

My experience dating the last couple of years has been very frustrating. I'm 36 years old. It seems like I never feel attracted to anyone over the age of 31 or so. This isn't a conscious decision that I'm making. I feel like I try to go out of my way to give women my own age a “chance”. I will accept offers of dates from them and do whatever, multiple times with the same woman even if I don't really feel it. I ask out women closer to my own age, if they seem like a good match, even if I don't feel any strong attraction. It doesn't usually seem to lead anywhere though, even if I force myself to flirt to try to generate some chemistry it never really feels natural.

 

Meanwhile I only really get the strong feeling of attraction from women that are more like 28 or younger. I look pretty young for my age, and I've actually been able to attract some of them in return, but the age thing often comes up. In one case I was dating a woman who was 25 and her father basically told her she was not allowed to date me due to my age. She went along with it. In another case, I went out with another woman around 25 a couple of times. We had unmistakable mutual attraction, but when she found out how old I was, she said she couldn't deal with it.

 

I just don't know what to do. I would like to be in a relationship, and I'm not consciously averse to dating women closer to my own age. I don't know how I can control my feeling of attraction though if it doesn't seem to be there. A lot of times I feel really frustrated with society because it seems like if people feel mutual attraction then the kind of age differences I'm talking about here should be okay. I feel like they're only not because these women have been told something by others that doesn't really correspond to the way humans are wired by nature, and that those "shoulds" are screwing things up.

 

I don't know if anybody can offer any useful advice, but I would be grateful if you can.

 

Scott

 

Age is just a number. Where you're at in your respective lives is much more important. If you're at the same place someone at 25 or 28 is (which isn't out of the realm of possibility), then what's the problem? By 25, people are, or should be, their own people who can make their own rational decisions on who they're with.

[burning 4 revenge]

Incidentally I just saw an add for the new comedy Cougartown

 

It would be sad if were coming to a point where no-one stays commited and most middle aged people are chasing young people for sex and romance

 

Or maybe Im just a senitmentalist

[Vet]

Incidentally I just saw an add for the new comedy Cougartown

 

It would be sad if were coming to a point where no-one stays commited and most middle aged people are chasing young people for sex and romance

 

Or maybe Im just a senitmentalist

 

I think this mentality is a minority opinion that gets a lot of airtime in the public conscious, so people think that it's a lot more common than it really is.

[CaliGuy]

I'm not really sure what the issue is. So you like much younger women. So do I. I'm 40 and I have dated them as young as 22. The real issue isn't so much their physical age but their MENTAL age.

 

I've gone out with 35 year olds that act 19 and I have gone out with 24 year olds that act 40. It's more or less a gamble. What I suggest you do is talk to them and get to know them pretty well before you seek anything serious.

 

The girl I am hanging out with now is 33 (again, I am 40) and she's hella fun. Is she a tight little 22 year old thing?! No, but she's probably one of the coolest gals I've hung out with in a long time.

 

The only advice I can give you is to just keep your options open. There are younger women out there who prefer older men. Find them. Online dating is a good opportunity for you to find someone. When I have tried it, I was amazing at how many younger women were interested.

 

Granted, there were a ton of women far higher than what I'd prefer (over 40) and some of them look amazing! You just have to go out and go out often with a lot of women before you find the one.

 

Never give up.

Keep your basket full.

Don't compromise.

Be good/balanced/confident.

Have fun and don't put any pressure on you or your date to pursue anything.

Let things progress naturally.

 

Cheers

[MadDriver]

Age is just a number.

 

Take Vet's advice cautiosly (with a silo of salt). He is borderline delusional living in a warped reality with no age discrimination... Wouldn't it be nice if the REAL world conformed to his views? Do you want to live in denial like Vet, or do you want results?

[loveslife]

I think this mentality is a minority opinion that gets a lot of airtime in the public conscious, so people think that it's a lot more common than it really is.

 

I agree. There's no drama or conflict in being the same age so there's no story.

 

I live in Manhattan, home to 8 million people on a tiny island. People think there's so much crime, because that's what makes a story. What they don't say on the news is "7.9999 million people made it through the day today perfectly fine."

 

There are plenty of people who enjoy same-age relationships but you just don't hear people making a point of their age when it's the same age.

 

Anyway, OP, I also look young for my age and have been involved with younger men. It got pretty tiresome for me, even though some people were congratulating me for "getting it on with a younger guy." I ended up longing for someone my same age or older because I felt like I wanted to move past those younger days. Does that make sense?

[Isolde]

I'm 23 and I'd date someone up to around 10 years older if the connection was really good.

[Scottdmw]

Well first of all I think youre courageous for admitting that this is the truth for you even though you will definitely be judged for it.

 

Do you wonder why you are only attracted to women in their 20's? Is it soley a physical thing do you think or is there some psychological reason for it?

 

Even though it is cliche I think there is truth to the idea that some men are intimidated by women who are their own age or older....its like a lot of young guys rely on their youth to snag older women for a good time, but when they get older theyre scared of the women in the same age group and I think theyre scared because women who have seen more life arent so easily impressed by anything they have to offer.

 

It could also be that you dont want to deal with women who may have children or other ties to things fro their past and thats why you want a whiter canvas

 

SO thats what I would begin with...ask yourself why you think you prefer younger women and start from there

 

I don't _think_ I'm intimidated by older women. . . . It is certainly true that I prefer women who don't have children or ex-spouses, mainly because I myself don't and I feel like it's reasonable to expect the same regardless of age. There are plenty of women in my own age range though that fit that. Some of it may be subtle personality traits I guess, just more of a carefree mentality, but even then I'm not really sure. Sometimes I wonder if I'm unconsciously looking for someone that's not right for me somehow, self sabotage if you will, but I don't really know what to do with thoughts like that. They don't seem to go anywhere as far as what I could do to figure out whether it's true or fix it. I think a lot of it though is probably physical.

 

Scott

[Scottdmw]

Do you consider yourself or see your self in the future as a dirty old man?

 

Let's say I wanted to avoid that. Do you have any useful advice on what to do that I'm not already doing?

[Isolde]

Scott, as a younger woman, I can tell you the women I've found most attractive (internal AND external) were 35-40 years old. The women I've looked up to in my life were always in that age range, and I thought some of them were SO gorgeous. Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you are living in an area where women don't keep up their looks very well?

[MissJoness]

What happens when we get older though? It's not like we're going to stay the same age forever? Do you dump us and replace us for another?

[You'reasian]

My experience dating the last couple of years has been very frustrating. I'm 36 years old. It seems like I never feel attracted to anyone over the age of 31 or so. This isn't a conscious decision that I'm making. I feel like I try to go out of my way to give women my own age a “chance”. I will accept offers of dates from them and do whatever, multiple times with the same woman even if I don't really feel it. I ask out women closer to my own age, if they seem like a good match, even if I don't feel any strong attraction. It doesn't usually seem to lead anywhere though, even if I force myself to flirt to try to generate some chemistry it never really feels natural.

 

Meanwhile I only really get the strong feeling of attraction from women that are more like 28 or younger. I look pretty young for my age, and I've actually been able to attract some of them in return, but the age thing often comes up. In one case I was dating a woman who was 25 and her father basically told her she was not allowed to date me due to my age. She went along with it. In another case, I went out with another woman around 25 a couple of times. We had unmistakable mutual attraction, but when she found out how old I was, she said she couldn't deal with it.

 

I just don't know what to do. I would like to be in a relationship, and I'm not consciously averse to dating women closer to my own age. I don't know how I can control my feeling of attraction though if it doesn't seem to be there. A lot of times I feel really frustrated with society because it seems like if people feel mutual attraction then the kind of age differences I'm talking about here should be okay. I feel like they're only not because these women have been told something by others that doesn't really correspond to the way humans are wired by nature, and that those "shoulds" are screwing things up.

 

I don't know if anybody can offer any useful advice, but I would be grateful if you can.

 

Scott

 

Scott,

 

I would worry about it. Go for the women you find attractive and whom find you attractive, whether they are 25 or 35. If they have an issue with it, then let them have the issue - but don't stop yourself from being with someone only because of a number.

[Chicago_Guy]

Well first of all I think youre courageous for admitting that this is the truth for you even though you will definitely be judged for it.

 

Do you wonder why you are only attracted to women in their 20's? Is it soley a physical thing do you think or is there some psychological reason for it?

 

Even though it is cliche I think there is truth to the idea that some men are intimidated by women who are their own age or older....its like a lot of young guys rely on their youth to snag older women for a good time, but when they get older theyre scared of the women in the same age group and I think theyre scared because women who have seen more life arent so easily impressed by anything they have to offer.

 

It could also be that you dont want to deal with women who may have children or other ties to things fro their past and thats why you want a whiter canvas

 

SO thats what I would begin with...ask yourself why you think you prefer younger women and start from there

 

Are there many men who really are scared/intimidated by older women? Sometimes women think a guy is intimidated by them if the guy isn't interested in her, regardless of the actual reason.

[sally4sara]

Are there many men who really are scared/intimidated by older women? Sometimes women think a guy is intimidated by them if the guy isn't interested in her, regardless of the actual reason.

 

I think it can be one just as common as the other. I know I have heard of younger guys only interested in older women for sex. Well, admittedly, I've only heard it out of male posters on here, but I'm sure it happens....

 

IRL tho, I've had a few female friends who were in their late 30s and early 40s that hooked up with younger guys (only for sex!) just to have young studly howling outside their door about how much they should be given a chance to prove their sincerity.

 

Maybe the OP is more comfortable with younger women because he doesn't know what course to take in life yet and younger women put less pressure on him - thus, he feels more at ease and has more fun with them rather than with a woman his own age that may know what she wants and starts to get tense about him not being of the same mindset they have? It isn't that big of a deal tho, I'm not sure why it bothers the OP.

[Rudderless]

My experience is pretty much the opposite of yours. I look young for my age but I'm bored of younger women, yet women in my age bracket just assume I'm too young, and I can't meet enough of them. I feel completely different from most 25 year olds in terms of life experience and outlook and I'm not sure I'd want to spend the next decade doing the last one all over again because I've had more than my fill of it.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I personally don't get the big deal. I've been involved with two "much older" guys, now. They were the two I ended up having the most chemistry with mostly because of their maturity and mind. One was 15 years older and one 14 years older.

[c-riouz]

What happens when we get older though? It's not like we're going to stay the same age forever? Do you dump us and replace us for another?

 

That is a very good and very valid question. Since you're "only attracted to women much younger", are you going to trade in your girlfriend for a new, young one again once she hits 32, Scott?

[shadowplay]

If you're only ten years older at this point I don't think it's a big deal, but it will be a problem as you get older and your preferences stay fixed. Also, what happens when the young woman you end up with ages?

 

You should ask yourself why age is so important. If it is a purely physical thing, you could certainly find many attractive thirty-somethings who take good care of themselves. The average women in her thirties may be less attractive than a twenty-something, but there are plenty of exceptions to the rule: very attractive women over thirty who haven't let themselves go. There are many examples of women like that on this board -- TBF, Touche, SG, SB -- to name a few.

[Isolde]

A normal, well adjusted guy that marries a woman ten years younger, will still see her as relatively younger when she's 40 and he's 50, and over time this will come to matter less and less anyway. A guy that's obsessed with youth, on the other hand, will never be content.

[Scottdmw]

That is a very good and very valid question. Since you're "only attracted to women much younger", are you going to trade in your girlfriend for a new, young one again once she hits 32, Scott?

 

I'll answer your question, but first I will ask you one back. Think about the answer before you read my answer. Can you say for sure that if you start dating someone or marry someone now, that you will still be attracted to them in 10 years? Not that you will stay with them, but that you'll still feel it for them the same way you do now? If you don't is that your fault or is it just that your feelings are changed?

 

I don't know what I'll feel in 10 years. However, I do think there is a big difference between being initially attracted to someone and being in love with someone long-term. I know that all the men in my family have stayed married to their wives for their whole lives, and happily. I don't see why I would be any different. I believe in for better for worse till death do you part, and there's no way that I plan on going back on that--quite seriously I don't believe in divorce under any circumstances, nor in having affairs. Can you say the same thing? 60-75% of divorces are initiated by women.

 

This is all beside the point for me though. It's not like I've made some conscious decision to want to be attracted to women 10 years younger. It just seems to be what happens.

 

Scott

[Rebellious]

My experience dating the last couple of years has been very frustrating. I'm 36 years old. It seems like I never feel attracted to anyone over the age of 31 or so. This isn't a conscious decision that I'm making. I feel like I try to go out of my way to give women my own age a “chance”. I will accept offers of dates from them and do whatever, multiple times with the same woman even if I don't really feel it. I ask out women closer to my own age, if they seem like a good match, even if I don't feel any strong attraction. It doesn't usually seem to lead anywhere though, even if I force myself to flirt to try to generate some chemistry it never really feels natural.

 

Meanwhile I only really get the strong feeling of attraction from women that are more like 28 or younger. I look pretty young for my age, and I've actually been able to attract some of them in return, but the age thing often comes up. In one case I was dating a woman who was 25 and her father basically told her she was not allowed to date me due to my age. She went along with it. In another case, I went out with another woman around 25 a couple of times. We had unmistakable mutual attraction, but when she found out how old I was, she said she couldn't deal with it.

 

I just don't know what to do. I would like to be in a relationship, and I'm not consciously averse to dating women closer to my own age. I don't know how I can control my feeling of attraction though if it doesn't seem to be there. A lot of times I feel really frustrated with society because it seems like if people feel mutual attraction then the kind of age differences I'm talking about here should be okay. I feel like they're only not because these women have been told something by others that doesn't really correspond to the way humans are wired by nature, and that those "shoulds" are screwing things up.

 

I don't know if anybody can offer any useful advice, but I would be grateful if you can.

 

Scott

 

That's normal, most guys are like that, it's mother-nature, a million years of evolution. I couldn't date women my age, there's just no attraction.

[Butterflying]

What is it that you find more attractive in a 20 to 31 year old than you do about a 32 to 40 year old woman?