mnm Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Quick question. Is it easier for a H who's had an EA to get over the OW quickly like it meant nothing? In my case it seems to be. There seems to be no residual feelings at all. All my H talks about is how he's never loved me more than what he does now, that his life is perfect with me and the kids. He said there was no physical attraction on his part just a shoulder to cry on and someone to make him feel good. Can the feelings he had have been that shallow? Did he not let himself get in too deep because he still loved me very much we were just in a bad place? Is that possible, that there wasn't that much on his part? I'm not justifying actions, just asking opinions.
Author mnm Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Thank you. You're right. He doesn't get my level of hurt because it wasn't a deep involvement. I feel better. He's been saying the same things over again as far as what happened and I thought he wasn't being completely open so as not to hurt, that may not be the case at all.
Devil Inside Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I think anything is possible. I wouldn't necessarily generalize by saying it is easier for a man. I know that I have had a heck of a time getting over my OW.
Author mnm Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 So maybe his feelings weren't strong? It was flirting and intense conversation, but nothing else? Someone to talk to? There had to be something obviously, but has anyone been like that? When it was done it was done? Can there be flirting and conversation, but not deep feelings develop?
Snowflower Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 So maybe his feelings weren't strong? It was flirting and intense conversation, but nothing else? Someone to talk to? There had to be something obviously, but has anyone been like that? When it was done it was done? Can there be flirting and conversation, but not deep feelings develop? Of course it is possible that the man looks at the whole EA relationship as little more than friendship. Men and women usually enter affairs for sense of connection with another person that they are not getting from their spouses. However, this connection doesn't necessarily become the love of a lifetime for either AP-it depends on what their motives/needs were at the start of the affair. I'm not only talking about sex. Sometimes the emotional connection is very strong; almost impossible to sever. I've seen that written here on these boards many times. Other times, the connection between at least the AP is not so strong and the WS returns to the marriage, perhaps because they realized that the marital bond is where the true connection was. Every affair is different though.
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