DustySaltus Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I went NC with my X for about a month. I wasn't trying to do NC to get her back, but to really try and heal myself. I was well on the way and I think that she sensed it. She did some really horrible things to me and I was never expecting an apology but then out of nowhere I got it. My friends told me that was all well and good but to not get back in contact with her under any circumstances. Well, they were right. She called me and told me she wanted to work things out on Thursday, Friday she was back to calling me nicknames but then things slowly started to revert back to old form. Nothing was her fault, she would have to learn how to deal with my issues (which are miniscule compared to hers). By yesterday, we were right back where we started and I have gone NC once again. The pain that I am in now is nothing compared to our initial breakup but still more than when I began to heal after NC. I was in good shape but then I started to try and juggle sand.....it's just impossible. I think she knows that she really screwed up but at the same time has these inherit beliefs that: A) It's ok to go through my personal stuff without asking B) She's sorry but she'll learn to deal with my issues...rather than her learning to deal with hers. C) I was never serious about living in her country and she didn't think I could make it. I feel like such a schmuck, a fool, a loser, a naive individual and someone who goes down with the ship. I need to start the healing process again, but it should've been ongoing.
john1988 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Dusty she's a right bitch just like mine, my ex used to go through my emails aswell and deleted some and somehow I convinced myself it was ok, well yours has shown her true colours once again tell her to do one.
silic0ntoad Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Eh, I am sorry bro. The mending heart breaks harder than the healed heart. It's just the way it goes. Keep your chin up. Gotta keep trucking forward. Obviously this chick is a waste of time and energy.
GrayClouds Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 the mending heart breaks harder than the healed heart. great line Silec0ntoad
Sbrizio Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 The mending heart breaks harder than the healed heart. True! But they also re-heal faster. Be strong, DS, this will help you out more than you think... keep it up.
wow123 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Dusty, The same exact thing happened to me. I went NC for a month. She came back acting like she did when we were first together. The morning texts, the I love you's yada yada yada. Within a week she became cold and distant again as she did when we first broke up. It hurts.
Author DustySaltus Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Dusty, The same exact thing happened to me. I went NC for a month. She came back acting like she did when we were first together. The morning texts, the I love you's yada yada yada. Within a week she became cold and distant again as she did when we first broke up. It hurts. Why do they do that to us? I mean my X is the most stubborn person in the world and she turned around and apologized. I really thought I was different you know?
wow123 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 They do it because they are selfish and don't care how it effects her. I can tell you mine said that she wanted to try but realized she cannot put 100 percent into it "right now" but maybe someday soon. That was a month and a half ago. I also found out that she has been with someone else since we broke up so she was cheating on him with me. She claims to be confused but it just trying to keep me holding on instead of moving on with my life. It sucks and it hurts almost as bad as the first time I know.
Solear Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 My first ever love did the exact same thing, when she broke up with me, I was cast into the worst depression i ever had i was only 22, id met and looked after this girl whilst on a year out to australia, she was from sheffield, stood by her while her brother died of cancer and put up with her drinking and flirting, unfortunately her brother died. but i was still expected to do the honourable thing knowing full well she had other blokes on the go, but me being soft lad was still expected to deal with all her emotional problems. anywasy we split for months me crying thinking id done something wrong, one day im with another girl dancing in a pub and i bump into one of her gay mates. Week later she calls me ut of the blue and wants to get back together. she stayed at my house for a night, when i woke up after sleeping with her i decided i wasnt a chump and she could go f**k herself, i let her go hom eand never contacted her again. felt amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing !!
Beeotch Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I went NC with my X for about a month. I wasn't trying to do NC to get her back, but to really try and heal myself. I was well on the way and I think that she sensed it. She did some really horrible things to me and I was never expecting an apology but then out of nowhere I got it. My friends told me that was all well and good but to not get back in contact with her under any circumstances. Well, they were right. She called me and told me she wanted to work things out on Thursday, Friday she was back to calling me nicknames but then things slowly started to revert back to old form. Nothing was her fault, she would have to learn how to deal with my issues (which are miniscule compared to hers). By yesterday, we were right back where we started and I have gone NC once again. The pain that I am in now is nothing compared to our initial breakup but still more than when I began to heal after NC. I was in good shape but then I started to try and juggle sand.....it's just impossible. I think she knows that she really screwed up but at the same time has these inherit beliefs that: A) It's ok to go through my personal stuff without asking B) She's sorry but she'll learn to deal with my issues...rather than her learning to deal with hers. C) I was never serious about living in her country and she didn't think I could make it. I feel like such a schmuck, a fool, a loser, a naive individual and someone who goes down with the ship. I need to start the healing process again, but it should've been ongoing. No need to feel like a loser.... You did a pretty good job of stating the problem and that shows you are an intelligent HUMAN who makes mistakes, but you also have the ability to self-introspect and see where you went wrong and do better. Unlike your ex and other people who always see what everyone else is doing wrong but never their own issues and even if they see their issues they ignore them and have no clue as to how to fix it. You already know what you need to do as you already said it...so do it and as you saw before, eventually you will get better.
northstar1 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I went NC with my X for about a month. I wasn't trying to do NC to get her back, but to really try and heal myself. I was well on the way and I think that she sensed it. She did some really horrible things to me and I was never expecting an apology but then out of nowhere I got it. My friends told me that was all well and good but to not get back in contact with her under any circumstances. Well, they were right. She called me and told me she wanted to work things out on Thursday, Friday she was back to calling me nicknames but then things slowly started to revert back to old form. Nothing was her fault, she would have to learn how to deal with my issues (which are miniscule compared to hers). By yesterday, we were right back where we started and I have gone NC once again. The pain that I am in now is nothing compared to our initial breakup but still more than when I began to heal after NC. I was in good shape but then I started to try and juggle sand.....it's just impossible. I think she knows that she really screwed up but at the same time has these inherit beliefs that: A) It's ok to go through my personal stuff without asking B) She's sorry but she'll learn to deal with my issues...rather than her learning to deal with hers. C) I was never serious about living in her country and she didn't think I could make it. I feel like such a schmuck, a fool, a loser, a naive individual and someone who goes down with the ship. I need to start the healing process again, but it should've been ongoing. Man, don't beat yourself up. We all stumble while trying to heal and take steps back. They do it because they want to see if you will still give them attention and feed their egos, not because they necessarily want to come back. When you go NC with a dumper, some of them will be bothered that you no longer are giving them attention, so they will put out the hook to see if they can bait you back in. IF you do, it gives them what they want (an ego stroke) and then they'll pull back in their reel and disappear. Just keep going forward dude, you'll make it.
gavinus Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I know how you feel. She dumped me I went NC, we got back together, she saw me again to make herself feel great..then she ditched me again. She actually laughed in my ear when I said don't become a stranger . SO I sent my gifts she gave me back to her, ignored her birthday and 7 weeks on, still NC. Why does it seem hurtful people can hurt others, get away with it, and live their lives ok? Whereas the hurt they give out, still hurts after they are long gone? Stay strong my friend, I am in a painful place too, as my therapist says "one day at a time".
Author DustySaltus Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Week later she calls me ut of the blue and wants to get back together. she stayed at my house for a night, when i woke up after sleeping with her i decided i wasnt a chump and she could go f**k herself, i let her go hom eand never contacted her again. felt amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing !! The last day I was in her country she told me that she changed her mind and was not willing to move back to my country like we had agreed. She told me that she couldn't trust me (after snooping around) because of emails that I sent to my family about how difficult it was for me over there. She gave me an ulitmatum and then when I didn't budge she threatened and eventually did try to get me fired from my job. So I just left, because when you are engaged to someone you don't do that type of stuff.
CaliGuy Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 "Calling" (or email or IM or text) is not the same as beating down your front door. All she wanted was validation from you that you still want her, and she got it. This is why we say so often that even if the dumper breaks contact to not respond. If you ignore the first few attempts and they quit, you have your answer. If you ignore the first few attempts and they show up beating down your front door then you know it's different. At that point, you're really in the drivers seat and are best served to go extremely slow, not really talk about getting back together and pretty much letting them do all the work. After all, you weren't the one who walked away. THEY are the ones who have to repair the damage, not you. It's not on YOU to fix things. It's on them and if they are not the ones driving the reconciliation then it's sure to fail.
Recommended Posts