sykevon Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I have been together with my boyfriend for over a year now...things were great, things got rocky and to my knowledge things had gotten better... So here I am thinking things are great with us, because here he is telling me that things are great with us...then we had a little arguement in which he said some hurtful things to my face 'i dont want to be with you anymore' 'im not happy anymore' 'i feel like i cant do anything anymore' those are the main things which 2 weeks later still bug me... He apologized profusely later on for saying what he said, and said he said it out of anger, and that he didn't mean it at all...since that incident he has been trying his very best to be an amazing, caring, thoughtful boyfriend... however, now when he says "I love you" ... or calls me his "angel" or his "queen" or tells me I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, and that he's so happy with me...or that he can't wait to live life with me in the future and starts talking about the long run -living together, marriage, kids etc...I tend to not really believe it...while he's saying all these things to me, in my head its like 'yeah yeah'...I feel horrible that I feel this way...I also noticed that I seem to 'care' less...for example before that incident happened and we'd be laying on the couch watching t.v, i'd get up to go get a glass of water or something, i'd ask him if he'd want anything...now, i just get up and do my own thing not botherin to ask him... little changes like these i notice in me and it genuinely bugs me and i just dont know what's wrong... can anyone help me figure this out please?? -we are in our early 20's-
jerbear Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Is this the first real argument in the relationship? It sounds like you two just figured out each others conflict resolution method. What I suggest is this is a learning experience between you two. The relationship can go either way after the 1st argument. Arguments are part of life and relationships are not exempt. If you two get to a point of saying hurtful things then one of you need to take a step back and say we need to cool off before we say things we don't mean. It may piss off the other but it is better than trying to take something back later.
Author sykevon Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 No this is not our first arguement. It is our 4th or 5th real big one I just don't find it fair. Whenever something happens and we argue, I keep in mind who i am talking to and try my best to hold that respect there and not disrespect him in any way, nor do I say hurtful/mean things to him because I know at the time it's my anger speaking and I will regret it later. He knows that this is an issue for me -speaking out of anger- because I've told him in the past few times we have argued, that it's something that REALLY bugs me and that I would really appreciate if he watched his words. What bugs me now, is the fact that I believed we were in a happy place and this came at me out of nowhere and really threw me off...I feel distant from him right now and I don't really trust what he says. This is what really really bugs me most. I don't like feeling like at any given moment if something isn't going his way, leaving is an option as opposed to arguing it out to the point of resolution -even if in the end we agree to disagree. I know that I still want to be with him, because I had the option of going my seperate way however I chose to stay. Likewise for him. I just don't like these feelings of doubt. I can't really talk to him about it, because it will just look like another 'issue' and most likely take a toll on our relationship, which as of right now, I want to avoid. I also don't want to make him feel bad for any of this, because my intention is solely on figuring out what's wrong with me at this time...why do I feel so disconnected from him...
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