DollWelch Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Too many BUTs. I'm seriously on the fence about this man. I have great chemistry with him, when he and I talk. I talk to him for hours, and it feels like minutes. His character complements mine, very well. I enjoy spending time with him, and have many things in common. However, he's much older than me. Almost 12 or 10 years. He's roughly 35 or 37. That, in and of itself, frightens me. Not only that, he engages in a certain type of hobby, that I find repulsive and incredibly stupid. He is fun to be around and talks to try to get to know me better.. in the short time I have known him. Overall, there are things I like about him -and others, I'm doubting. I'm interested in him and trying to overlook the age difference -and would like to get to know him better. I don't want to miss out on a good opportunity -if not, a nice friendship. (1) I think he's desperate to find himself any woman, to settle down with. I'm surprised (and suspicious) as to why he's still single. WHY is he still single? (2) Is the age difference a problem/bad-thing? (3) He's out to play and hurt me (i.e. pervert, jerk, etc). How do I know he's not out to play games with me? Thoughts?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 It would help to know what the odd hobby is. Not sure how to advise without knowing what it is. I mean, if it's collecting weird stamps that's one thing. But if it's capturing and torturing small animals, that's quite another. Anyway...age difference in dating is going to vary based on the person. My XH was 15 years older than me. Our divorce didn't have a thing to do with his age. The most recent guy I dated was 14 years older than me and I got along better with him than any guy I've EVER dated. So I'm thinking older works better for me. I just don't get the same mental connection with guys my age. I won't automatically write somebody off because of age ever again (and I was actually doing that after my divorce). I'll take the actual person into account.
Viking Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Is it possible that mentally/maturity wise he's 25ish? I'm always skeptical of women who can't possibly see themselves with a guy their own age.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Is it possible that mentally/maturity wise he's 25ish? I'm always skeptical of women who can't possibly see themselves with a guy their own age. *snicker* Are you speaking of the 43-yo in MY post? Definitely not 25-yo minded. Attorney for 15 years, had 3 kids. Absolutely brilliant. We got to talking about documentaries I had watched recently, books, etc. Things that no guy my age has ever gotten me into talking about. And this will sound weird...but every guy I have ever dated except for this guy used me as their personal spell-checker. I got serious kicks out of trying to stump this guy with words and/or topics and never could get a blank look out of him.
Hkizzle Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 The age difference isn't that important. His hobbies though, what are they? They can tell a lot about a guy. As for chemistry, why the hell does every girl put so much importance on chemistry? True, don't go for it without chemistry, but having chemistry doesn't mean you NEED to go for it.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 As for chemistry, why the hell does every girl put so much importance on chemistry? True, don't go for it without chemistry, but having chemistry doesn't mean you NEED to go for it. Was about to smack you for the first sentence. Then I read the second and I agree. TOTALLY agree.
Hkizzle Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Was about to smack you for the first sentence. Then I read the second and I agree. TOTALLY agree. hahaha,
Author DollWelch Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 It would help to know what the odd hobby is. Not sure how to advise without knowing what it is. I mean, if it's collecting weird stamps that's one thing. But if it's capturing and torturing small animals, that's quite another. (...) I believe that a hobby can say a lot about a guy, like another poster said. That's particularly why I mentioned, I'm uncomfortable with his hobby. But then again, who am I to judge. It's not collecting stamps, or shoes, or making movies, or traveling the world. His hobby is a rather, *ahem* ... Let's just say it is writing "Fantasy Stories". (If you know what I mean; Hope he doesn't stumble upon this website, let alone this thread). You're right though, SoulSearch. I'm not one to rule out a guy like that, but in this case, there are things I don't know about him -and one of the most important ones is why he's still single? That doesn't make sense to me. I'm thinking, or at least, hoping he doesn't turn out to be a big jerk -one that just is sly in nature, and a big cop out and pervert. Most importantly, I don't want to invest myself and feelings, and find out he's nothing but a huge mistake and a let down.
Author DollWelch Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Is it possible that mentally/maturity wise he's 25ish? I'm always skeptical of women who can't possibly see themselves with a guy their own age. Good point. That partly may be the reason why, I got along with him. I'm not sure. I'm wondering about this myself. He's definitely very mature, explains his age (30s), but in terms of mentality... it's closer to 25ish than anything else. But then again, I'm sure he's experienced things in life, I haven't. I wish he was 25ish, than what he is now. That's what I have stuck in my head. And, that, is why I may be lying to myself, thinking that the more I get to know him the more he'll transform into a 25 year old, and he'd be great. Don't get me wrong, I've always dated and been around men my own age. This is a first for me, with older men. Is it possible, that he may turn out to be a "Father Figure" to me because of his age? That grosses me out. And, sometimes, if the brain has thought it out, it can't be undone. True? Believe it or not, I think if he was made into a 25 or 30 year old, he'd be marvelous. But this is not the case.
LB85 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I might simplify things a lot but whenever I feel uncomfortable with things, I usually just leave it. I do give them a chance, I have in the past and I always end up just leaving because I never really do get used to certain things or accept them. Its up to you what you want from this. It seems to me that your judging him a lot because of your own uncertainties regarding his age. He might not fall for women nearer to his age...maybe he likes the more childlike attitude you have compared to the other ladies. It could be anything, I would say go for it and then figure out why you really didn't want this to work out...unless it all does work out of course:). I mean if you have great chemistry with him then thats all that matters right now....just have fun...relax....and if you feel like its getting too much or going too far then make up your mind. Till then you shouldn't judge him too much...you'll find out if he's a pervert/jerk etc later....make sure to keep your guard up since your so unsure about the guy! Good luck!
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 What's his hobby? She already answered that. His hobby is a rather, *ahem* ... Let's just say it is writing "Fantasy Stories". (If you know what I mean; Hope he doesn't stumble upon this website, let alone this thread). Sounds like the guy is writing something similar to romance novels. :lmao:
Author DollWelch Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 ...I mean if you have great chemistry with him then thats all that matters right now....just have fun...relax....and if you feel like its getting too much or going too far then make up your mind... That's certainly easier said than done. However, I completely understand. That's what I (partially) intend to do. I'm not in a hurry to do anything serious with this man. Yet, at the same time, I'm curious. Oh My! Those two ideas don't mesh well together. Apparently, he's recently, started to send me messages, which is a first for him. I think he's eager to keep in touch with me. But why? Is there a deadline? It's strange how fast things progress in a man's world. On the other hand, his hobbies don't particularly shine out as being the best for a man claiming to be a "nice guy" and all around (down to) Earthly.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Sounds like the guy is writing something similar to romance novels. Yeah, right, romance...
melodymatters Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I see too many people with the Wall of Preferences thing going on here. Of course we all have deal breakers, but I think people might be less lonely and perhaps find a wonderful human being is they eased up on the height/weight/age/education/ history etc stuff and just get to know the PERSON. For who they are, right now. Of course attraction is neccesary. As for the fantasy writing, to put this politely : I have found more nerdy guys who practice this than players, so while it's...kinda gay, It doesn't make him a perv. IMO
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