Is it possible to be heartbroken over someone you've never offically dated?

[Strawberry Fields]

Towards the beginning of the summer I met this guy. At first he was very into me and I was hesitant. Eventually I said what the hell and went out with him a few times. Everything seemed fine and I really felt like I was falling for him. One night he asked me to stay over his place, two nights in a row actually, and I did. We didn't do anything sexual but we slept together and basically spent 3 days and 2 nights together and it seemed so nice. One of the nights before we went to bed he told me he wanted to be exclusive with me.

 

Then I left the next morning and I haven't seen him since. He wouldn't return my text/calls and when he did he seemed extremely withdrawn. I asked him what was wrong, why he won't talk to me... nothing but lame excuses. "I'm busy," "family problems," "sick," etc. I wasn't buying any of it. I eventually told him that he had one more chance to be honest with me. He shot me down, saying that I did "nothing wrong" and that it was all his fault for acting like he was.

 

I haven't seen him for over 4 months now and I'm still heartbroken over him. We were never official but I wanted to be, he even said he wanted to be. Looking back on how he acted towards me I assume that he was either, 1) seeing other girls, 2) not wanting to settle down, 3) already WAS settled down and didn't want to get caught, 4) wasn't all that into me. However, if he wasn't all that into me, why did he put all this time and effort into me? I think the last two assumptions are a bit of a stretch but either way, it could have happened.

 

Anyway, point of the matter... I miss him. How do I miss someone I haven't seen/talked to in months? We were never official, and we "dated" for maybe a little over a month. How do I miss and want to be with someone who treated me like that? I still have dreams about him... hell I still find myself daydreaming about him. I really do miss him though and part of me wishes I was with him. Why can't I just move on? He was never a huge part of my life, let alone someone I'd want to be in my life after seeing how he dropped me so fast. I don't know.... I need some guidance here.

[Isolde]

Don't let anyone tell you your feelings aren't valid because you weren't in an actual relationship. I don't really have any advice, but I think accepting that your feelings are OK is the first step in feeling better.

[Hkizzle]

Absolutely. I get a sad feeling everyday that Angelina Jolie picked Brad over me........

[leap83]

Strawberry Fields: It will get better. It should get better with time. Have you tried dating other people? I'm not saying that it would help but it might help you to move on. I hope you're not waiting for this guy. I understand that you miss him. I'm there with you - in same limbo, missing a guy who pushed me away so he wouldn't hurt me with his "issues." It's hard. But life goes on. We move on. You can do it too.

 

Sometimes guys give out mixed signals. Some of them love the chase so much that if they think they caught the fish, they drop it as soon as they get it. I've learned one thing from my experiences - never to trust a guy right away and to stay at a distance until i'm absolutely, 100% certain he's sticking around. Otherwise, I'm not giving anything. He needs to work for it.

 

But I know you miss him. You're not alone. I'm here for you.

[Strawberry Fields]

Strawberry Fields: It will get better. It should get better with time. Have you tried dating other people? I'm not saying that it would help but it might help you to move on. I hope you're not waiting for this guy. I understand that you miss him. I'm there with you - in same limbo, missing a guy who pushed me away so he wouldn't hurt me with his "issues." It's hard. But life goes on. We move on. You can do it too.

 

Sometimes guys give out mixed signals. Some of them love the chase so much that if they think they caught the fish, they drop it as soon as they get it. I've learned one thing from my experiences - never to trust a guy right away and to stay at a distance until i'm absolutely, 100% certain he's sticking around. Otherwise, I'm not giving anything. He needs to work for it.

 

But I know you miss him. You're not alone. I'm here for you.

 

Thank you for your kind words. I was never expecting a relationship with him but after a while I started to really have feelings for him. I think I just miss his companionship - we had a lot in common and we were always having a good time together. I miss the physical aspect of it as well since we were very affectionate.

 

At first I was upset when he didn't text/call me back, but then I got angry from his excuses. Then after a while I refused to talk to him and he hasn't tried to contact me ever since... and now I'm just back to being upset about it. Even though I am still somewhat angry I feel like it wouldn't take much for me to be un-angry at him, if that makes sense. Like if he were to approach me again my anger would go away. But I don't think that would happen anyway.

[D-Lish]

I've been more heartbroken over short lived romances than leaving someone I've spent a year with. I think it's because you fixate on the fantasy rather than the reality.

 

The guy you spent a few days with isn't the guy he actually is. I think you have to wrap your head around that before you can allow yourself to move on. Be thankful it didn't go any further and you didn't sleep with him!

[callingyouuu]

I've been more heartbroken over short lived romances than leaving someone I've spent a year with. I think it's because you fixate on the fantasy rather than the reality.

I think this is exactly it. He got your hopes up by creating a potential for so much more by asking to be exclusive, and he didn't follow through, so you're left feeling a bit empty. A lot of times, these are definitely the worst.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Wow...I totally agree with D-Lish.

 

But yeah - don't invalidate your feelings because they don't measure up to somebody's standards. I only saw this most recent guy 4 times and we were starting to get close. I'm grateful we did not have sex and I'm grateful I did not give my heart 100%... and even with those things, it hurt like hell to break it off with him. I'm getting through Day #2 right now and it sucks. God, I hope it doesn't still hurt like this 4 months on down the road.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Your feelings are quite real. What you seem to be experiencing is the loss of potential - what you thought you could have with him. Trust me, been there. Recently, too.

 

With time you will realize that 95% of what you are mourning is what is in your mind, while the other 5% is what he actually was to you.

[leap83]

Thank you for your kind words. I was never expecting a relationship with him but after a while I started to really have feelings for him. I think I just miss his companionship - we had a lot in common and we were always having a good time together. I miss the physical aspect of it as well since we were very affectionate.

 

At first I was upset when he didn't text/call me back, but then I got angry from his excuses. Then after a while I refused to talk to him and he hasn't tried to contact me ever since... and now I'm just back to being upset about it. Even though I am still somewhat angry I feel like it wouldn't take much for me to be un-angry at him, if that makes sense. Like if he were to approach me again my anger would go away. But I don't think that would happen anyway.

 

You're welcome. I agree with everyone else above this post. It's true. But I understand where you're coming from. I'm in the exact same boat right now and it hurts so much that I don't even want to be seen outside. However, I started to search for something new - I know it won't happen right now, because I'm still heartbroken but it takes time to find someone. I think you should do that too. Start searching. It gives you hope that soon you won't be alone. I know you want this guy now, but it won't happen.

 

I get what you're saying about being upset. I feel the same exact way. I'm so angry with him, yet if he called me and asked me to listen to him, I would. If he asked me to see him, I would. And I wouldn't be upset anymore. I wouldn't be cold. I would be calm and happy. Like you, I really don't get it. But I'm trying to get through it and you should too. We should both find someone else, someone better for us, someone who will never hurt us the way these guys did. Let's face it - if he was the one, he wouldn't have done this to you. He wouldn't even think about hurting you. That's the truth. So you should be lucky you got out of it before it was too late. I would rather know now then know after a year or even 6 months.