Exit Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I was finally starting to feel better, but the dark evenings and cold weather make it tough to be alone. At least in Chicago things always change, it'll be 80 again this week. But soon enough it will be cold or snowy, no more car shows on Saturday night to take my mind off of her in someone else's bed, no more anything that I enjoy outdoors. It's that time of year to stay inside and get close to someone and watch a movie, and of course enjoy the holidays. It's going to be tough to get through that. And although I feel myself getting over it short term at least, I still find myself unable to let go of the hope for a storybook ending. I still feel like she could come back, and I know that's probably not healthy for me to be wondering about. Oh well, just getting things off my chest.
JMA707 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I know how you feel man...I'm in the same position. I know that it isn't healthy to hold on to the hope of her somehow coming back, but for some reason i can't get it out of my head. Right now she's with him, and they are probably doing who knows what, but i cant stop thinking that eventually she'll realize that she still loves me and come back. I know that I will most likely NEVER be with her again, because time after time she has told me, "J...I'm with him now. I don't feel ANYTHING for you. Not anymore." It hurts to know that she could move on so fast, I mean its only been about a month since we ended our year and a half relationship and shes already has "strong" feelings for this other guy. I know how you feel man about being "stuck inside" by yourself. This was the time of year where me and her would "stay inside" together...but hey, your not alone right? theres a lot of us who know what your going through and are going through the same exact thing. Doesn't really make you feel better, i know...but it does help some i guess...sorry i couldn't be of more help
Author Exit Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 It's been 4 months for me with limited contact mainly through emails. I gave myself until the end of August to keep trying because August was always a special month for us, so starting tomorrow I am going NC, or at least letting her be the one to make contact if she wants to. I am slowly starting to heal only because I am finally starting to forgive myself. I did a lot wrong during the relationship but I was suffering from depression due to many things in my life. She didn't tell me any of what was making her unhappy until she was already done with me. I told her that I would get my life back on track now that I was aware of the problems, and I have kept my word. My friends who have known me for many years and have dealt with my issues like social anxiety and depression are so impressed that I am going out more often and having fun. My ex has refused me the simplest thing, one meal together to prove how different I am, well that's her loss. I am not completely over it, throughout the day certain thoughts will pop into my head and I'll feel a knife in my chest, but I am getting better at quickly pushing it out of my head. And other than that, like I said already, just the dark evenings and cooler weather are making me feel lonely. I am still guilty of using NC as a way to hope to get her back, but not entirely. I do hope it helps me move on. I will continue to push myself out of my comfort zone and go out with friends and hope that maybe I'll meet someone and this season won't be lonely after all.
JMA707 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Yeah, its been a little over a month for me. I've been keeping NC for a couple of days now, but I don't think I'm doing it all for the right reasons. Yeah I'm doing it so I can heal, but theres still a part of me that hopes she will miss me. Hell, she's even said shes going to miss me...what she said was "It's like I lost a close friend." what she doesn't realize is her saying that to me hurts WAY more, because now I know that she only misses the "best friend" part of me, not the "lover" part. I guess I should expect it though because shes already with a new guy and apparently they are "perfect" for each other. According to all our mutual friends hes everything she every wanted in a guy...whatever... I too know that the way I was acting was the MAIN reason for her leaving me...but now I'm at the point where I accept that I did wrong and hurt her. I was dealing with a lot of stress and took it out on the only good thing I had left in my life, her. The point is now i realize that yeah I did wrong, but I deserve a second chance because I realized it and changed. She doesn't want to give it to me though, because according to her she was hurt so much that she feels absolutely NOTHING for me anymore...so whats the point..? i love her, i feel like she's the love of my life, but she doesn't feel the same way anymore...guess it's just the time to accept its over for good...but everytime i begin to think that I feel like messaging her and asking her, "Is it really over forever..?", even though I know that she couldn't give me an answer if she wanted to, because no one can ever tell the future...
Author Exit Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Well you're only a month into it so give yourself some time to decide if she is even worth wanting back. You're right though, as long as you realize your mistakes and change, you're worth a second chance. If they never come back, whatever. Don't let it faze you that people are saying she's found her perfect man. They are in the "honeymoon phase", the beginning of their relationship where everyone is on their best behavior and everything seems perfect. It won't last. My ex found someone too and I'm sure she found a lot of what she wants in him but I dunno. It's not my place to guess whether they will end up together or not. Right now she has a few letters from me on Myspace where I said some really important things, and they still say "unread", and that's the last string I'm holding on to. I wish I had the strength to delete them from my Sent folder so I'll never know if they get read or not, but I need to know that she read them. If she can leave me after reading those, then I'm ready to move on.
moo Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Hey There. I was wondering what happened to you. Chicago, are you kidding me? I wish, really wish I was in Chicago. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be there? I am stuck in a tiny town where there is literally nothing to do. There are soooo many things to do in a big city like Chicago during the winter: Natural history musuem, art musuems, fine restaurants that you can take yourself too. Yep, you can treat yourself to a nice meal. I did it the other day. All kind of cultural things to do, all kind of movies you can take yourself to. When I lived in a big city, I used to love to go to the movies alone and just get lost in them. There are sporting events. I imagine there must be large parks. There's nothing like a park in the winter time when the animals are more of themselves because less people are around. You can go to the shore of the lake- again the best time is during fall when less people are around and there's lots of birds on the shore. Really, count your blessings you live in a big city.
JMA707 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Well you're only a month into it so give yourself some time to decide if she is even worth wanting back. You're right though, as long as you realize your mistakes and change, you're worth a second chance. If they never come back, whatever. Don't let it faze you that people are saying she's found her perfect man. They are in the "honeymoon phase", the beginning of their relationship where everyone is on their best behavior and everything seems perfect. It won't last. My ex found someone too and I'm sure she found a lot of what she wants in him but I dunno. It's not my place to guess whether they will end up together or not. Right now she has a few letters from me on Myspace where I said some really important things, and they still say "unread", and that's the last string I'm holding on to. I wish I had the strength to delete them from my Sent folder so I'll never know if they get read or not, but I need to know that she read them. If she can leave me after reading those, then I'm ready to move on. Yeah, I was talking to her on myspace too. I sent her a lot of messages that said a lot of important things to her, she read em but so far it hasnt changed anything, except making her not want to be with me MORE. Everytime I say "thats it, thats the last time I'm saying ANYTHING to her" she always sends me something back that draws me back in...sometimes i wish she just didn't send me anything back
adamt Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Yeah, i broke up 3 months ago and got the benefit of a summer here in the uk. Been getting out in the fresh air a lot. Weather is starting to change now.November to feb are always rainy. Must be even worse to split up in november, with the crap weather and dark nights coming in and xmas and new year around the corner.Not looking forward to new year this year. How do people deal with it if you are still not over your ex?
Ilovecake Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I'm also in Chicago and feeling the Autumn blues. It's my favorite season and it sucks not having anyone special to spend it with but than I think about how he ruined the last two Autumns for me so this one has to be better by default.
moo Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 We have to start making things better for ourselves. Chicago is a wonderful city. Keep busy. Do many things that you like to do. Chicago has soooo much to offer.
Peanut9330 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I know how you feel the wather here goes form one extreme to the next and even though i'm over my ex and I wouldnt want him back at any price, I still felt a little sorrow when it started to get cold and they days got shorter. The weather is the only thing I hate about living in chicago, but just know that in time everything gets better and you will heal, in the meantime just focus on yourself and your happiness!!
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