singlegirl Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Hi all, am in a real sadness here...I have been single for 18 months, recently decided to internet date.... I met this chap online and we hit it off straight away. After a short while he came to meet me on a Sunday, drove 3 hrs here and back...It was amazing, like love at first sight. He was so perfect physically, amazingly good looking and warm, sweet generous. He tried to buy me a dress that cost a fortune but I wouldn't let him ( of course) I was completely overwhelmed by the whole thing. he tole me "Ive never met anyone like you, youre so beutiful and amazing person" etc I must admit due to the intensity and my loneliness I slept with him...I was still in control of some of my faculties and if he had dumped me after this it would have been so much easier and understandable...I would have pocketed the insult and put it down to me being a slut I his eyes, again fair enough.I'm a big girl, I knew what i was doing!! But he didn't, he asked me if we could be an item from now and I agreed still high on all of the intensity. We had plans for him to come last weekend and this weekend.... He left and texted me all the way home, another 3 hrs whilst driving, one said " I will be back Saturday, you don't have to be alone anymore". The next day the same, first thing in the morning till last thing at night constant texting... When I didn't reply to one, another came "are we ok?" Strangely he wasn't calling tho when he knew I had finished work and was home alone....When I said I was home he was tired and going to bed... I know he isn't married as I know where he works and had his full contact details, home no etc!! His texts and emails also were full of darling, sweetie and it all felt "unreal" by this point...By Tuesday I was already feeling exhausted and sent him an email saying kindly and gently that I needed him to pull back a wee bit. He already knew I work 12 hrs a day midweek. He agreed and the next day again, "morning darling how are you?", and when I ignored another, exactly the same.... I told him it's too much and I can't deal with this intensity. I was a bit harsh but I was annoyed that he wasn't listening. I told him darling, sweetie etc smacked of insincerity ( harsh I know) I was at my wits end and premenstral...So we make it up and he's coming down...He backs off so far witht he communication now that I feel that he's gone, so I try to establish some kind of middle ground contact wize.... He came down a week last Saturday and we went out with my friends. We made love constantly...He kept trying to buy me stuff whilst telling me that his ex took him for a ride so I declined...I was sweet to him...He left after we made love twice last monday morning, kissed me like there was no tomorrow.... I got a text saying, "I am home, thank you for having me over it was nice to see you".....I texted and he replied , am going to bed. I called him the next day and he didn't pick up. I said if you don't want to come back it's ok, just let me know....Then he tells me something's missing , tho he adores me and we are soo, so, so perfect together but he can try to get it back.......Then I panic knowing now that this amazing feeling is going or gone. he is going or gone...I send him an email saying Wednesday saying how sorry I am, how sad I feel for being harsh and explain that it's just a lack of communication, we can work it out I adore him too. He ignores this !!! Friday I send another saying ok I need to draw a line under this and know he's not coming back. Tell him it was nice while it lasted and to be happy.... I get a reply , saying I have read and re read the email you sent and i don't know what's missing. We exchange emails and he's telling me he adores me, my body, everything was perfect between us and maybe he was just scared etc. I respond totally handing all of my power to him saying, I fell for you and it all got too much with me not knowing you. We can work it out, ....he isn't replying now..... So I know I won't beg. I put myself out there and if he doesn't want me nothing I can say will change this. I told him. "I have said all I can say. I am here if you want me. I would love you to come down and see how we go but only if you really want to, if not , leave things here" He didn't reply, he hasn't responded and he didn't come down...Am I a bitch? Have I been played?
Author singlegirl Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 I had a feeling but blamed myself for being harsh. He seemed so genuine, he seemed so vulnerable...He was so convincing....
Author singlegirl Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Thanks for your replies stuckinwith you...I really do appreciate it....I am slightly broken by all of this. He knows my boyfriend died. How can someone do this to another human being? I explained myself so much to him...I was just lonely.....It's not the sex bit it's the emotional rape that hurts I shan't stalk him on the internet as I have searched for him online since and he's too clever for that. I think he only replies to ads and doesn't have one himself. I did find a scathing article on internet players. I copied and pasted it to his email addy, no message....Just to let him know I know. I have deleted the account so he can't respond....No doubt my numbers are deleted by now so he won't call me to defend himself.....or rather his ego...I will not reduce myself to his level. I will let it go and take your good advice never to bring anyone to my home again for a long time...
moo Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Hi, I understand what it's like to feel lonely and needy, but you still have to take your time. There should have been many phone conversations...the fact that you two did not talk on the phone is a red flag. In my experience, internet dating is where you find that special scum...the kind of scum that covers itself in false declarations of affection, and hiding behind a "mask." Try to be more careful...okay?
Author singlegirl Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Thank you so much stuck, I will be ok...I took some time off to enjoy the holiday in Uk and have been alone so it hurt more. I am at work now and I work long hours, it will take my mind off of things ...... My boyfriend died in my arms of cancer . I told this man this and still he used me....I despair at the coldness of some men . I am so soft and blamed myself for pushing him away but now I can see my intuition was telling me to get the heck away from this guy.... he knew it and he knew it was a matter of time before I saw what he was doing....
Author singlegirl Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 I don't think it will help me to talk about my boyfriends death atm in detail stuck but thank you for your interest.... lots of jerks definatley....lesson learned
seoa Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 it's possible he wasn't a player, but a commitment-phobe... their pattern is to get very intense, very quickly, and want it all to be perfect & trouble-free, but since fear-of-rejection is their underlying issue, anything that sounds like rejection throws them into panic & they fall into silly little pieces and stop functioning and run away (can you tell i've just broken up with a CP ) be grateful you got rid of him this quickly & easily, before he sucked you in & broke your heart, coz a CP always runs eventually (unless they admit their phobia & take steps to get themselves fixed...)
mundane mind Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 yup, he might have been just a commitment phobe. dont be too hard on yourself and think that you have been used and played on. check out the book he's scared she's scared by steven carter; this guy has the characteristics of a CP that was discussed on the book. I actually think both of you are commitment phobes, there's a lot of pushing and pulling that both of you were doing.
Author singlegirl Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 When he ignored me I put everything into words a person could. I called him and asked him to give me space, explained I was getting startled by the inensity of it all....I would call it intimacy overload....Explained why but we can sort it out by stepping back a little, spending time together, getting to know eachother... I think I have been played. He knew when he was making love to me left me that he was never coming back. There was no trace of him when he left , it was eery what I did was from fear and I was willing to talk it through but he just cut me off, dead, then left me hanging and played with e when we emailed at the weekend!! He asked me all about my financial situation, how much my mortgage was, did I get paid overtime for the long hrs I work. Did I have any savings? Why did I have cash in the house? This raised a big red flag for me but he was so convincing passing it off as just a genuine interest.....I wasn't about to answer these kinds of questions... The whole thing was a car crash
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