Why do you always have to bring everything back to you...?

[gordon_gc]

well, just thought I would post one of these tricky questions/ start of argument my gf always bring and see if any of you guys ever experienced this.

 

If so, how do you deal with it ?

 

Women, do you ever say or think this and what's the purpose of it ? By starting these thread, I'm mostly trying to understand my gf a bit better !

[EarthGirl]

for me one of my biggest pet peeves is people who constantly talk about themselves and don't let someone else get in stuff they want to say...I feel like conversations should really be give and take, basically 50% for each person...except that certain conversations if they are about a serious subject, someone having a problem...

 

in those cases in can be appropriate either to let the person having a problem do most of the talking when you know that they just need "an ear", just someone to talk to, to be heard, and may not need much advice, but you may give them your view of the situation and a little advice at some point or just a few words of encouragement if you don't have an answer, or you think that they should probably think it out for themselves or you don't want to steer them wrong.

 

In other cases the person having the problem may not feel like speaking aloud their thoughts but if you are in the know of what's going on, the other person may be the one to do most of the talking and kind of take over the conversation to give advice or just a pep talk and the problemed person can be quiet and take a break if they feel like they are under a lot of stress.

 

It all changes depending on the situation and the people, and it really all it takes is some instinct and tact. However I think when you have a lot on your mind it's harder to discern when to stop talking and when to start.

 

I find that when talking with my boyfriend for instance, that I trust him so very much, and since I don't get to talk out my issues very often with people I really trust....I tend to turn the conversation over to me sometimes and I just want to totally unload..I do the same with my brother and sister but because there are so few people I really trust and I don't get to talk with any of them that often (my boyfriend, my brother and sister all live in different cities than me currently), when I do get a chance I can sometimes find myself just talking and talking...

 

because I am a very wordy person (obviously, lol), but actually in day to day life i am very very quiet and do not get to talk much, so when I do (either on the net, to strangers ironically, or to people I really trust) get the chance I really get going...and sometimes it may be about a totally funny subject, sometimes just a pointless boring random one (which I'm sure none of them enjoy too much), or it may be of a very serious nature, either problems of my own life, or more broad philosophical ideas and thoughts...

 

But either way I catch myself doing that but sometimes it's a little late and I realize that they may have wanted to get a word in....sometimes they tell me , sometimes they don't. But when they do, that is really all it takes, is just for them to say hey, I would like to talk about my stuff for a while...

 

It's not offensive to me because I am honored that they trust me enough to tell me all about their stuff and care for my opinion on stuff. As much as I like to talk, I really like to listen even more.

 

so that is what I suggest is to just be direct about it with your gf, and if she really loves you and you have a good relationship, she won't be offended at all and she will turn her attention to you. And don't be afraid to do it again and again because you know she may forget after a week and just turn everything around to her again, but that is the thing with people you trust and are comfortable with, you can mention the same thing again and again till then end of time (although I imagine you and her will get the hang of the give and take eventually) and it is not uncomfortable or awkward.

 

Just make sure that you tell her in a nice way (i.e. tell her that you have things you would like to talk about too and tell her how much you love talking to her and spending time with her or even that you would like some quiet time to just enjoy the moment with her-but DON'T say something like "geez, you are so self-absorbed, you annoy me so much, you never think of anyone but yourself"- I don't anticipate you saying that though cause you seem like a nice guy) . And make sure to return the favor and do let her go on about herself and her stuff occasionally.

 

It's a give and take, and it's not about technical time like it has to be 50/50 exactly of the time you spend together for the rest of your lives that each has to talk, as if you had a stopwatch, but you kinda base it on who needs to talk about what in a certain moment and who doesn't feel like talking today and how it makes both of you feel..And if both people FEEL appreciated and heard.