leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Sigh Nothing is helping me deal with this kind of loss. I think I went through so many different emotions today that I don't know what to make out of it. My heart went down the ****ters.... I forgot how to make myself feel better... anyone?
Author leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Break up. I ended a relationship with an incredible individual because he kept pushing me away so that he wouldn't hurt me. He is dealing with some issues in his life (with a lot of issues actually) and yesterday we started off communicating normally and then somewhere in between we kind of lost touch with reality. He kept trying to hurt me to push me away so that I wouldn't get hurt by his emotional immaturity. And I didn't budge - but I was hurt... just didn't show it. He ended up destructing whatever we had and causing himself so much pain. I'm trying to move on, but I fell for him because despite this insanity he's a good man. He pushed me away because he didn't want me hurting anymore (it was evident that I was hurt by everything) and he told me to date others if I want to and not wait for him. So I decided to do that - I can't do anything about this. It's completely out of my control. Yet I feel so depressed and sad. It's pathetic. He also said that if he saw me with someone else it would really hurt him but that that is his problem and that he will need to suck it up and not to worry about him. And he also said "what do you want me to say?! i'm going to go through these issues i have and not date and i think you shouldn't either. You should wait. That's selfish!" He also said that if he was with me now, he wouldn't be present mentally (never mentioned anything emotionally). Pathetic. I know. But I forgot how to move on. A part of me just wants to hug him and say that everything is going to be okay. I'm so sad.
caramel c Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Leap, you need to start making plans for pretty much every day for the next couple weeks or so. Really. That is the best way to get through this time, I think. It's so much easier when you're so busy you don't have time to sit down.
Author leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 I tried doing that already. My schedule is fully packed for the next 2 months. It's difficult though not to think about this. Especially when I know he cares and is full of ****.... I would have rather he told me "I don't see future with you. I'm done with you."
caramel c Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I tried doing that already. My schedule is fully packed for the next 2 months. It's difficult though not to think about this. Especially when I know he cares and is full of ****.... I would have rather he told me "I don't see future with you. I'm done with you." I know, its so hard to go through this. It's really one of the worst things that can happen to anybody! There is no solution, there is no way to speed up the process. I wish there was. You just have to fill your days and nights, but your thoughts will of course still be there in between. You know what, I really don't think you'd have an easier time if he said anything different. Either way, you broke up and it's terrible. Your heart would still have been broken, you still would be emotional and hurt. You will not let this break you down. You are going to be ok. You are going to get through this and then when you look back you will be proud of yourself. This is only temporary.
Author leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Yes. It is. I went through far worse before and I can get through this. The thing is I'm seeing him in a couple of weeks. I don't know if I should totally bail out of the whole party or show up and look amazing. I have to be okay in a couple of weeks, otherwise I'm going to be in trouble. Should I go? Should I put myself back together and look brilliant so that he is up the fence? Yes. You're right. It doesn't matter what he said. I don't know whether I'm mourning the loss of a good friend and partner or whether I'm feeling sorry for him and for what he's doing. I don't hate him. That's for sure.
Author leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Haha... stuckinwithyou... I like your logic. He's a good man nevertheless. I don't know how easy it would be to tell him that I won't go back to him. It's not like he didn't appreciate me or treat me good. It's just these issues he has that are between us right now. But yes. I'm moving on. At least I'm trying to.
caramel c Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Yes. It is. I went through far worse before and I can get through this. The thing is I'm seeing him in a couple of weeks. I don't know if I should totally bail out of the whole party or show up and look amazing. I have to be okay in a couple of weeks, otherwise I'm going to be in trouble. Should I go? Should I put myself back together and look brilliant so that he is up the fence? Yes. You're right. It doesn't matter what he said. I don't know whether I'm mourning the loss of a good friend and partner or whether I'm feeling sorry for him and for what he's doing. I don't hate him. That's for sure. Whose party is this? How do you each know the person having the party?
Author leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Mutual friend. I promised I would go long time ago and so did he. We never bail on commitments. We always show up. No matter what.
caramel c Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Mutual friend. I promised I would go long time ago and so did he. We never bail on commitments. We always show up. No matter what. Ok. Chances are, you'll end up going. But right now, take some pressure off yourself and don't make any decisions about the party at all. You don't have to decide right now what to wear or who to go with or what time to show up or anything. You are going to look amazing that day and you know it! All you have to do is get through tonight. You are doing fine, you are doing better than you think. This is NOT going to ruin your life.
Author leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Ok. Chances are, you'll end up going. But right now, take some pressure off yourself and don't make any decisions about the party at all. You don't have to decide right now what to wear or who to go with or what time to show up or anything. You are going to look amazing that day and you know it! All you have to do is get through tonight. You are doing fine, you are doing better than you think. This is NOT going to ruin your life. Yeah. You're right. I'm trying to not think about everything really hard. It will get easier. It must. If I remember correctly. Thanks for your support.
Author leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 I don't care if he is Jesus if he is willing to give you up that would mean he is a dick and he doesn't deserve you I get the feeling from your writing that you still care about him I am not asking you to hate him,I am just saying stay way from him right now for your own sanity Yes. Of course I care about him. He's hurt me but it doesn't hurt me so much that he can't be with me now but that he's pushing me away. That hurts much more. I'm staying away from him for a couple of weeks. Then I will see him at the party I mentioned above - there's no way around that one. Thank you for being here for me. *hugs*
caramel c Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 You have my support any time I'm on here. I'm going through this too, but I'm a little further ahead in the process thats all.
Author leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Caramel: It's good to know I'm not alone. Of course I'm not alone. However, I don't remember how I got through this last time. It was about a year ago and I remember going through the same thing this guy is going through - in fact, it was the exact same set of issues. It gets easier with time. But when you have your heart broken over and over again, you start to wonder whether it's a good idea to ever trust anyone with your heart. I'm starting to wonder that now, even though I know it's dumb and pathetic. Stuckinwithyou: For sure. You know where to find me too if you need me.
caramel c Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Caramel: It's good to know I'm not alone. Of course I'm not alone. However, I don't remember how I got through this last time. It was about a year ago and I remember going through the same thing this guy is going through - in fact, it was the exact same set of issues. It gets easier with time. But when you have your heart broken over and over again, you start to wonder whether it's a good idea to ever trust anyone with your heart. I'm starting to wonder that now, even though I know it's dumb and pathetic. Stuckinwithyou: For sure. You know where to find me too if you need me. It's hard for me to open up too. My recent ex got the pleasure of being with me while my heart was open, but there were many guys I went out with just a few times that would have never known me like that. I was closed and guarded before. I was happy and fun to be with, but I just wasn't letting anybody in. It's like walking into a castle but never getting past the foyer. Because of this recent experience I am moving on knowing that its no use to keep myself bottled up. If I'm out there, I am going to give it my best shot. Otherwise, it's pointless. I have a lot of love to give as I'm sure you do too. There is no way to have a healthy relationship without risk...you have to risk it or it won't develop into something real and true. I hope you will feel the same.
Author leap83 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 I know what you mean caramel. I was the same. I got out of a 4 yr relationship and I was totally distant, didn't let anyone in (same thing with this guy I was seeing). Then I met this guy and I decided "The hell with it... time to take down the walls" and this happens. Awful timing happens. I gave it my best. I truly tried everything I could to help us both - we were never fighting; we got along perfectly. Only yesterday I pissed him off somehow with my statements. Now I'm putting the walls back and going back into my hole which is not what I should be doing. I know that. Yet I'm staying friends with this man because I'm a strong person. I'm not deserting him because I know how it feels to be totally alone and right now, I think he has pushed everyone away from him or his friends have no idea what is going on. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. It feels horrible. But I believe there is someone out there for us who wouldn't hurt us and that person is the right person for us. Everyone else is not worth our heart or our patience. This whole thing sent me back to my psychologist - it brought out issues from my past that I didn't deal with completely. So maybe this relationship wasn't a total waste of my time.
caramel c Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I know what you mean caramel. I was the same. I got out of a 4 yr relationship and I was totally distant, didn't let anyone in (same thing with this guy I was seeing). Then I met this guy and I decided "The hell with it... time to take down the walls" and this happens. Awful timing happens. I gave it my best. I truly tried everything I could to help us both - we were never fighting; we got along perfectly. Only yesterday I pissed him off somehow with my statements. Now I'm putting the walls back and going back into my hole which is not what I should be doing. I know that. Yet I'm staying friends with this man because I'm a strong person. I'm not deserting him because I know how it feels to be totally alone and right now, I think he has pushed everyone away from him or his friends have no idea what is going on. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. It feels horrible. But I believe there is someone out there for us who wouldn't hurt us and that person is the right person for us. Everyone else is not worth our heart or our patience. This whole thing sent me back to my psychologist - it brought out issues from my past that I didn't deal with completely. So maybe this relationship wasn't a total waste of my time. No it wasn't a waste of time. You got to know yourself again in love. You practiced opening up. It WILL be a waste if you close up and don't reopen! Remember that.
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