mimiminx Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Recalling a past relationship... rather than using "ex" and "ex ex" I will use their first names. An amazing thing happened to me.. I was in a 4 year relationship with Keith from 18-23 years old. It was a horrible relationship, we broke up many times and got back together.. he was so manipulative and crazy but for some reason he always convinced me to come back to him. Never any cheating but lots of emotional abuse. After 4 years, moving BACk in together for the third time, he started to pull away. He was sleeping on the couch and wouldn't look at me, didn't want to touch me, and didn't want to be around me, being secretive with his phone calls, etc. I took the hint and moved out. Long story short, he was involved with someone else, trying to pursue a relationship with her. I found out and once I did, there was no turning back. I had moved into my own place at that time (only 6 blocks away from where he lived) and found an instant peace and clarity I never had with him. I was hurt, but not for very long. It took me maybe a week of heartache to get over him. I could never forgive him. I just didn't love him anymore, something switched in my head, even though he was the one who dumped me. Literally within a couple weeks, I was so happy to be out of that mess that I started going out and I met Rudy. Rudy has been my boyfriend up until one month ago. (met at 23, now I am 25) We started dating less than a month after I moved out of Keith's. We took it slow but were totally falling in love. We were platonic for awhile because he could see I was on the rebound and wanted to get to know eachother, he didn't want to be my "rebound man" as he put it. I had so much respect for him and started to fall hard for him. After about 6 weeks, Keith (the ex) came back around. He was a mess. He was dying to get back together with me. I didn't hear "I'm sorry, I made a mistake". Instead he pulled out the big guns and bought me an engagement ring and asked me to marry him. I could not believe it. He said how miserable he had been without me, blah blah blah. At that point, I just felt sorry for him. As soon as I was starting to move on, he came running to stop me. Of course I told him no and that there was no chance he could ever have me again. The reason why is because in the month after we split, I found that my life without him was so much better, I found someone else that treated me like gold, even if we weren't in a relationship, I found I COULD have feelings for someone else and I deserved so much better than what he could give me. When that whole marriage proposal happened, i told Rudy about it. It was such an emotional thing, but I moved on. Keith of course was absolutely devastated but I didn't really care anymore. At that point, I was moving on, I had found an amazing new life and was starting to fall in love again. Amazing how quickly that happened. After 4 years with Keith, within one month I was in love with someone else. Over a couple months, my new relationship blossomed and was absolutely beautiful. We had a very loving, romantic and healthy relationship. It just ended (his decision) about one month ago. I am not ready to move on as Rudy is the love of my life. He never wronged me, he never hurt me, he always loved me so much. In the time that has passed since he left, I was hoping I could find reasons why I didn't need him in my life and to let it go. But I just can't. With Keith, it was immediate. With Rudy, it is taking time. I still love him just the same as when we were together, only one month ago. We were going to be married, planning our lives together. There was and IS still so much love. That's why this one isn't "clicking". BUT... I do know that the only way to even GET a second chance if you're going to get one at all, is to LET IT GO. It's very hard for me to do that with the man I love so much and KNOW truly loved/loves me too. It's the only way. Men are so predictable. Once they know they're losing you, they come running. It must be an ego thing, I don't know. I DO believe in second chances. I DO believe that if you love someone let them go... if they come back to you,..." also "absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great". I find tremendous strength in that statement. If your love is strong and meant to be, it WILL BE! If it's one sided, or weak, IT WON'T. As it was in my case with Keith. The point of this story is that once you let go, you'll find your direction. I'm not saying all dumpers come back, but you will be amazed at the strength you find when you let it go. You may realize, wow.. this can work! Or in my case, i felt only pity and no love anymore, after ONE MONTH! In my current situation, I am nowhere near that point. i still love Rudy with every cell of my body and soul. I want to try to let go, not to 'see what he does' but see where it leads ME. If it leads us back together, which I hope it will, that would be so wonderful. If it doesn't, I KNOW that I will be ok. I might even find someone better than him. I don't see that happening anytime soon, if ever at this point but I know if it isn't meant to be then I will know in time. Hope this story helps anyone going through this tough time. There is hope.
Tayla Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I admire your honesty and view point with your experience. I genuinely believe that you have experienced one part of true love, the other part is now coming into sight for you. In loving someone and allowing them to walk away is a great challenge and test of love . Love them enough to allow them to grow, even a tree has to branch out in order to be stronger. What I do find interesting its that Love is FATE. So very untrue. The concept of "its meant to be or not to be " is a farce. We create the moments or we create the ability to break away, but rarely is it an outside force that decides that the relationship is or isn't meant to be. That is the beauty of love. Its ultimately the choice of the two persons and their actions. Granted circumstances throw us a curve ball, Health, jobs, family, yet overall its not fate. I sincerely hope ( I'm a romantic at heart!) that he does find his way back to you yet you do seem to be gaining the strength to accept what comes your way. Best to you !
vermontville Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I cannot agree more about your statement. IF, it is truly yours, one way or another, later of sooner, it will all come back to you.
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