rssfsp Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Was hoping for some advice... I work with someone who is married and has kids, but she is in an "open relationship", so she has freedom to 'fool around' a bit on the side. We've been friends for a while and she made it known she would be interested in a little more. Probably not the smartest thing I've ever done, but I decided to see her - knowing going in that it would just be a no strings type of thing with no future because of her family situation. So, we got together five or six times for over a 3-4 weeks - whenever we could find a time to be together for a little while. Nothing too serious, just a little kissing / petting. We both had fun. Then I could tell she started becoming interested in yet another guy at work. She started being a little distant toward me. Still nice and pleasant when I see her in the hall, but she has not stopped by to see me in a couple weeks. I did not want to appear needy or desperate, so I pretty quickly started leaving her alone. I cannot go completely non-contact since we will bump into each other sometimes, but I am no longer going to see her at her office or initiating contact with her. I've been doing that for a couple of weeks. Here's the thing - not knowing where she stands is driving me a little crazy. I think I could move on fairly easily if I knew for sure, but since I don't know for sure I find myself thinking / wondering all the time - what's going on / what should I do / etc. If she has moved on, that is okay - I could deal with it. But the thing that bothers me is that we have not talked about it so I don't know for sure if things have changed. I hate to just assume she is no longer interested. At the same time, I would like for things to resume someday if possible, so doing the "we need to talk" deal is probably not the best thing either. I don't mind waiting out her other relationship and seeing if she is interested in us again at some point in the future (I must be a glutton for punishment!) So, should I talk to her about this or just continue to leaver her alone? Thanks for any insight you can give - I'm sure you have a clearer head than I do right now!
PinkToes Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Yup, you were a play thing and she's found a shinier toy. And unfortunately, since you signed up to be a fun diversion and not an equal partner, you're kind of stuck playing by her rules, and I'm guessing that a heart-to-heart about what's going on in her head isn't part of her game. Sorry!
TaraMaiden Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Here's the thing - not knowing where she stands is driving me a little crazy. I think I could move on fairly easily if I knew for sure, but since I don't know for sure I find myself thinking / wondering all the time - what's going on / what should I do / etc. Actually, you know exactly where she stands. She has an open relationship with her SO, andf you're part of that 'openness'... you have no monopoly on her, and you're not obligated to be there for her, and only for her. She had fun, you had fun. There really is nothing more to read into this, really... Which is exactly what you are doing, because otherwise you wouldn't feel unsure.... So, should I talk to her about this or just continue to leaver her alone? Why? What's to talk about? it was fun while it lasted, it might re-kindle, it might not. The hell you should care! Be civil, don't ignore her, and just be natural and relaxed. And meet other women, because there's no tie to this one, other than the one you (mistakenly) suspect there is.... Thanks for any insight you can give - I'm sure you have a clearer head than I do right now! Bound to have. We're not in it. It's not our problem. Always very much more difficult when it is. Then we can't solve anything! (speaking for my own experience, that is....!)
Author rssfsp Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 This forum is great - thanks for your thoughts / advice.
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