BigBubbs Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Is no contact the only way for the dumped person to not look needy? If you really want to make things work NC seems to me like you are basically giving up on things. Won't the dumper think you've just lost interest even if they are having second thoughts?
Taucher Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Possibly true but NC helps YOU move on. And making the other party think you are not interested is not necessarily a bad thing. It will mean that you move on quicker and regain some power over the situation OR it will arouse the other person's interest. Win - win. The alternative to NC is, for a lot of people, just harassment. Not a good look for anyone. I would rather my ex thought I was not interested than some kind of clingy, desperate individual. Truth is, they are just as likely to think you are really hurt with NC than you have lost interest. However, each case is different. Anyway, whatever my ex thinks about me (I am really hurt so cant speak to her or I have forgotten all about her) is irrelevant. I know how I feel. And I cant keep trying to engineer the outcome that I want. It's exhausting. Some people can, I'm sure, have a happy medium between cling and NC, but not most of us, I suspect, cannot. Trying to second guess the situation and getting it wrong is worse than doing nothing, which is what NC is. T
georgia girl Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Here's my take on no contact (and while my ex came back, it's not necessarily a "happily ever after" scenerio) but... In no contact, you start moving on. It's all about you and being a whole person. It's about rekindling your interests in other things and re-assembling your life. It's what will make you happy and ultimately, happy people are very attractive. With no contact, you're stuck in limbo. Not only that, you're in this "anything to get them back" phase which means you're not an equal to the relationship. Face it, human interactions require balance. If your ex-mate thinks that he/she can do whatever and you will still be there for them, he/she will begin to see you as pathetic and not worthy of your love. In the meantime, you will become more and more desperate to re-win their love and be less and less able to control your actions around him/her. So, no contact is the world's greatest win/win. It's the very best thing you can do for yourself psychologically and it puts you in a position to be happy again. The happier you are, the more offers you will receive - and your ex may no longer be at the top of your list. Quite honestly, I think people who stay in contact are deluding themselves that their ex is coming back. They examine every little encounter until they drive themselves nuts. Just let them go....
mr heartbroken Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 my ex split with me. i hounded her. looking at it now WTF. I then stated to her that i wanted the NC rule. this worked for two weeks and she got in touch with me. I showed her my weekside and next thing again i had to start the NC rule. it lasted about 6 or 7 weeks then she got in contact with me. i blanked it. 3weeks after that she phoned twice in one night. i kinda got worried. why did she contact me twice in one night? i left it a couple of days and then rather stupidly sent her a txt. we swapped a few txt and then she asked if we could meet up. we met up she told me that she was missing something. blah blah. i am still madly in love with her so i let my gard down. its true what they say that if you have split up there was a reason for it and aslong as you have a reason for it then you should move on. KEEP THE NC RULE. it makes sense yes your mind will wonder. When you start to think about the person you lost just say to yourself yes that was a good time in my life in my past. you now need to look to the future or even the present they are not with you for a reason. its easy for me to say this i am trying to do it myself. i wont lie its veryhard but you will get there......
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