New Again Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Yes, yes, I know this is a stereotype. In my personal experience it is definitely true though. (Yeah, I get that that's probably not true of all guys.) This is one reason I've recently started checking out Dr. Laura, actually. Do other people feel this way?
Author New Again Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 do you mean sexually or at home taking care of him ? Well, both really apply I suppose. Specifically I mean at home though - like they just want another mommy (of course they'd never admit this) to take care of them and do all their chores and crap - cooking, cleaning, etc., and I don't mean just husbands who want stay-at-home moms/wives. I mean couples who are living together, couples who aren't, etc.
Vet Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Well, both really apply I suppose. Specifically I mean at home though - like they just want another mommy (of course they'd never admit this) to take care of them and do all their chores and crap - cooking, cleaning, etc., and I don't mean just husbands who want stay-at-home moms/wives. I mean couples who are living together, couples who aren't, etc. It's hard to say what "most" of any group of people wants, but for myself, I have an equitable relationship with a person who is my partner in every sense of the word--emotionally, intellectually, sexually, and financially. We "take care of" each other.
Bejita463 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I want my partner to full their fare share. If I am working 40 hours a week and she is working 30, she has 10 spare hours I don't. There's an awful lot that can be done in that time, and I don't really feel it is unfair to expect it to be. If the work distribution is even, then the chores should be worked out so both parties feel each others' responsibilities are equal. Then no one ends up feeling like a maid.
mike88 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I'm a pretty independent person so I wouldn't want someone taking care of me. A replacement mum is the last thing I'd want. One of my friends girlfriends even bought cloths for him. If a girlfriend did that for me I'd feel more like a pet than a partner. Of course there's always exceptions, that's not to say I'd never want a meal made for me but I wouldn't expect or ask for it.
Author New Again Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 I agree it varies, because I see how my friends' guys treat them, so I do see the other side sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned chores, because that's part of it (although when you're not living together, I don't really think you should do the other person's chores beyond things like helping out with dishes or cleaning the bathroom once in awhile when you visit/stay over), but not all of it. Other "take care of me" things come into play too. For example, other little things, like: you're both hanging out watching a movie or something at the guy's house. He wants a drink, so he asks YOU to get up and get it for him, even though you weren't getting up for anything.
sally4sara Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 You can find cultures where this is a normal expectation for men. You can also find cultures were it is not normal. South America for example - many times I was given the impression that the men thought romance was about tricking the woman to fall in love. I thought it was odd, but perhaps I was misunderstanding. Through the wives of these particular men however, I came to see why. After marriage, the women did EVERYTHING even though they both worked - including getting up early to lay out their husband's clothes for the day! America is a blend, so I see all kinds.
GorillaTheater Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 you're both hanging out watching a movie or something at the guy's house. He wants a drink, so he asks YOU to get up and get it for him, even though you weren't getting up for anything. I'm an older guy, and pretty traditional in alot of respects, and wouldn't do that. Disrespectful in my book. But she should feel free to Take Care Of Me anytime she wants.
Vet Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 For example, other little things, like: you're both hanging out watching a movie or something at the guy's house. He wants a drink, so he asks YOU to get up and get it for him, even though you weren't getting up for anything. "How about you get it? I'm not your maid." We're the ones that decide how people treat us.
Author New Again Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 "How about you get it? I'm not your maid." We're the ones that decide how people treat us. Yes, I handle these things as I see fit I'm just curious about other people's experiences. My question isn't really about how to handle such a situation. Just people's take on this statement.
runnergal Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I agree it varies, because I see how my friends' guys treat them, so I do see the other side sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned chores, because that's part of it (although when you're not living together, I don't really think you should do the other person's chores beyond things like helping out with dishes or cleaning the bathroom once in awhile when you visit/stay over), but not all of it. Other "take care of me" things come into play too. For example, other little things, like: you're both hanging out watching a movie or something at the guy's house. He wants a drink, so he asks YOU to get up and get it for him, even though you weren't getting up for anything. Are you including when they are sick too??? They SAY they don't want to be taken care of BUT if you don't, then they get all pouty and make SURE you know how they are feeling!! Bunch of BABIES, if you ask me! I don't mind taking care of my SO, BUT don't try to be all MACHO and say that you don't want or need attention and then get all pouty when you don't get help!
BCCA Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 For example, other little things, like: you're both hanging out watching a movie or something at the guy's house. He wants a drink, so he asks YOU to get up and get it for him, even though you weren't getting up for anything. I hope you realize that this is one guy, I would never do that, and couldnt imagine that most guys would. Im sorry youve had some bad experiences, but threads like this perpetuate stereotypes. I doubt anyone who is all over this thread would like if it I made one called 'women just want rich douchebags'.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 You could say the same for women, that they just want to be taken care of financially. And honestly, in some relationships, it's a fair trade off. I'm at the start of my career, fresh out of school and making a minimal income. My boyfriend has been in his profession for years and makes a good living. He asked me to move in with him because he likes being able to see me every day and spend time together. He pays the rent and the majority of the bills. He does not expect me to contribute monetarily because he knows that I make pocket change. However, he does work 60 hours a week while I usually only work 35. So I never mind doing the dishes, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. Not because I'm the woman and it's my role, but because it is the best way that I can show my gratitude for him taking care of me financially for the time being. In the future, when my income grows and possibly my work hours, I will expect a more even contribution to the chores, but I will also pay my share of the rent and the bills. Balance is key.
caramel c Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Well, both really apply I suppose. Specifically I mean at home though - like they just want another mommy (of course they'd never admit this) to take care of them and do all their chores and crap - cooking, cleaning, etc., and I don't mean just husbands who want stay-at-home moms/wives. I mean couples who are living together, couples who aren't, etc. Well, I would prefer to be the one doing that stuff most of the time. Sure, help once in a while would be appreciated but I feel better taking care of the home. I am a great cook and I just love to cook and bake anyway. With cleaning, I am willing to bet I'd do a better job at it. He can take out the trash. lol
ilius Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I want a girl who can appreciate my work (which is of a creative sort), who will come to my concerts, but also one who has desires and passions of her own. Not someone to just sit at home and cook. We can get rich and hire a maid to do that.
Isolde Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I think everyone wants to be taken care of on some level, no? We all have difficult lives. Perhaps in different ways... that's what's cool about having some gender differences.
Sam Spade Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I want to be taken care of, otherwise what's the point of having a girl around:laugh:, or why just one? I could just move in with my best friend and be the gayest power couple ever! While I don't expect her to be my mommy, I expect some natural division of labor - if I'm going to clean up the three that fell on the house, or shovel the snow, or throw out the garbage she better bring me some lemonade:mad:/grog;), or else! It is the woman's role to provide the little (domestic) comforts in a relationship :love:.
caramel c Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I want to be taken care of, otherwise what's the point of having a girl around:laugh:, or why just one? I could just move in with my best friend and be the gayest power couple ever! While I don't expect her to be my mommy, I expect some natural division of labor - if I'm going to clean up the three that fell on the house, or shovel the snow, or throw out the garbage she better bring me some lemonade:mad:/grog;), or else! It is the woman's role to provide the little (domestic) comforts in a relationship :love:. That's what I'm talkin bout. Ideally, when we go out I'm the queen. While we're at home he's the king. No absolutes here, there are exceptional situations of course but for the most part yes I want to take care of my man at home, it would bring me great pleasure to do so. The outside chores and fix it choresto me always seemed a bit more manly so I'd have no problem leaving the dirty and technical stuff to him.
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