seibert253 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Looks like things are going well Eddie Just make sure you continue your homework to insure they're are no "slip ups". If you haven't made it crystal clear, your wife cannot be "friends" with the OM. As a matter of fact, she should never speak with him again. Any further contact will result in backsliding on her part. As I've said before, in order to kill the snake, you have to cut off it's head. You have to kill the snake, and make sure it stays dead. The feelings for the OM are still there, and will be for sometime. The only thing that will make them die are NC and time. Peace, good luck, and great job on your part.
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Looks like things are going well Eddie Just make sure you continue your homework to insure they're are no "slip ups". If you haven't made it crystal clear, your wife cannot be "friends" with the OM. As a matter of fact, she should never speak with him again. Any further contact will result in backsliding on her part. As I've said before, in order to kill the snake, you have to cut off it's head. You have to kill the snake, and make sure it stays dead. The feelings for the OM are still there, and will be for sometime. The only thing that will make them die are NC and time. Peace, good luck, and great job on your part. Yeah, its dead, as a matter of fact, she told me that the guy that is nearby sent her a text asking her if she was still alive to which she responded that her and her husband are trying to mend their marriage and he needs to not contact her anymore. Its working guys and I feel so much better than just a couple of days ago. I will probably not respond on here till Monday since I am with my wife on weekends, thanks to all who have helped me.
z1850 Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 I would definitely test her underwear with a semen detection kit--long term. That, in combination with other forms of surveillance (such as GPS loggers) should be enough to nail her. One semen detection kit which seems to be loaded with strips (for long-term surveillance) is the InSite brand. She's at high risk for doing it again, and if there is one thing that characterizes adulteresses, it's that they lie, and lie and lie... In the face of this, the only way to get a straight answer is through physical evidence. It really amazes me the way women rationalize their adultery. This reminds me of the Bible verse, “Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness.” (Prov. 30:20)
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Well, the Bible was a bit sweeping in its opinions: Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shall not commit adultery. But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:27-28 So it would seem that it's better for men to avoid looking at all women, just in case..... Let's not make sweeping generalisations about 'women', shall we? Possibly 'some' women, and 'some' men (judging by the ratio on this forum) are liars (you can tell - they're lips are moving), but if Eddie is willing to put in the work, and so is she, let's not make this into a witch hunt. As the fanatical Christians did in the 15th century.....
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Just wanted to post an update and maybe get a little advice if any is willing to provide it. My wife is still in the NC mode, which I appreciate it, she appears to honestly be trying to make this work out. She finally told me that she had developed a relationship with the guy and they had grown fond of each other. She said that after the affair they realized that they weren't for each other and then became friends and offered advice to each other on how to mend their marriages. Of course, her telling me that she had given her heart to another man broke mine, but I have to appreciate her being honest with me. Does anybody have any advice for me as to how to forget about her affair with this guy? Is it just something that only time will heal for me? It doesn't come to my mind everyday, but just every now and then. I had a hard time getting to sleep last night and I would just like to forget about it and just move on with our marriage.
Owl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Time, and some decent counseling. This is a marathon run...not a sprint to the finish. It's going to take 2 years, at a minimum, for your marriage and for yourself to recover from this...assuming you and your wife both do everything right. Have the two of you started MC? This is one of the things you can discuss with a marriage counselor, who might have some coping advice. You're going to have to go through all the stages of grief on this stuff...be aware of that.
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Time, and some decent counseling. This is a marathon run...not a sprint to the finish. It's going to take 2 years, at a minimum, for your marriage and for yourself to recover from this...assuming you and your wife both do everything right. Have the two of you started MC? This is one of the things you can discuss with a marriage counselor, who might have some coping advice. You're going to have to go through all the stages of grief on this stuff...be aware of that. Thanks, I figured that time is the only true way to get over it all. I just told her last night that I am still struggling with her being over this guy and she acted frustrated with me, that is probably because I keep bothering her about it all. Now that everything is out in the open, I feel I can stop bringing this up to her all the time and try to get past it. Its just so hard, last night I lay there in the bed next to her and thought, "You had no respect for me, our kids, or our families". I just can't my head around what she has done, that she was willing to just throw everything away for a weekend with a man. It just blows my mind, that's what I said to her last night and she seemed to be a little frustrated with that but I can't help myself, this is not an easy thing to get over.
Owl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 She needs to get used to is...it's a direct result of HER actions, and it's not going to change anytime soon. Have you got a copy of "Surviving an Affair" as I'd suggested? Seeing the pattern of recovery spelled out by someone else might help her realize that this isn't something "wrong with you", but a normal part of the process. Where are you at on MC?
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 She needs to get used to is...it's a direct result of HER actions, and it's not going to change anytime soon. Have you got a copy of "Surviving an Affair" as I'd suggested? Seeing the pattern of recovery spelled out by someone else might help her realize that this isn't something "wrong with you", but a normal part of the process. Where are you at on MC? I sent emails to the counseling center and they all bounced back, I am not sure what went on there. I will see if I can get in touch with em through a phone call. I will look for this book you are talking about, thanks again for your help.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Its just so hard, last night I lay there in the bed next to her and thought, "You had no respect for me, our kids, or our families". I just can't my head around what she has done, that she was willing to just throw everything away for a weekend with a man. It just blows my mind, that's what I said to her last night and she seemed to be a little frustrated with that but I can't help myself, this is not an easy thing to get over. This probably won't be very helpful, but I think typically most who cheat make a very careful calculation regarding their spouses. When my marriage was failing I got involved with a woman who was married. When I asked her one time what she would do if we got caught... she said that she was not worried because her H would never leave. I kind of left it at that, but I think that is a common feeling for women who cheat. They know that their husbands won't file for divorce... men rarely do. It sounds like you won't either... So... if that was what she was thinking... She didn't really risk anything... she knew in advance you could not leave.
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