seibert253 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Yep, lawyer time. She goes, you don't. You've done nothing wrong. Sorry to say Eddie, but I think it's time to call it. She can't be trusted, she needs to go by by.
tami-chan Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 As said I have no background in this but it has played out in 24 hours like I expected it would. First you have Eddie taking blame for something that was not his fault.... The usual "I was not romantic enough" or "Doing enough at home"..... without a single thing she may have to take blame for. Did she say or do anything to indicate there were troubles in the marriage? Well I guess the on-line gaming was a pretty telling red flag. Then she is caught and still doesn't stop. Could this be a troll as it is way too straightforward? Do you think it is DNUI? LOL....come to think of it...what happened to him? all of sudden when the only person(reggie) who religiously responded to his thread left ( or was asked to leave LS?), he stopped posting.....one and the same person? Just wondering..... I hope Eddie is not a troll, though, TDP....
boldjack Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 This could very well be DNUI, the dramitic scenerio is about the same and the Cliffhanger answers fit. IDK? .......Curious.
boldjack Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Tara, DNUI posted a few months back using about the same methods.
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Oh.... I thought it was yet another acronym... like MILF, or STBXH...or WTF.....! D'oh!!
Toodamnpragmatic Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Doubt it looking at the writing style. Story very similar but no use of the same acronyms and the "whoa is me" and "I will stay strong for my dd's" and on and on. Usually I believe everything and fall hook line and sinker, but this just has played out too quick, was just too obvious and there was only one conclusion. Reggie gone??? What did he say and do???? Must've let a cheating spouse (probably female) really have it. Without his cheerleader DNU1 must've lost interest, though I hope he is doing well and has learned from his situation and time here....
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 No, I am a real person, real marriage here. We prayed together last night, that broke me down and I cried for about 10 mins at least and she cried with me. Then I let her pray and she asked for forgiveness and that she is thankful that I am still willing to work with her. She has a real problem which looks like it goes beyond just the online sites and goes over into texting with men. This guy that is close by is a college student and she is a 31 year old woman, so quite a bit of age difference there, I let her know how weird that was. She did tell me that there was a bit of flirting going on between them but it was mostly just talk. As for the conversations with the guy in CA, she is telling me that they were mostly about their families, which I kinda doubt. I have full access to her cell phone now and she really doesn't have a choice but to be open with me at this point. I do have the feeling that this one guy won't be the last.
65tr6 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 thanks for the clarification that you are real. Then I let her pray and she asked for forgiveness and that she is thankful that I am still willing to work with her. Now, don't be so quick on forgiving her. You are not there yet. Did she send a NC note to all the men she has been in contact with ? Watch her like a hawk. Be ready to expose but don't do it yet. Hang in there. The emotional pain will be nothing like you have experienced before. But you will get through it. Did you say you have kids ?
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 thanks for the clarification that you are real. Now, don't be so quick on forgiving her. You are not there yet. Did she send a NC note to all the men she has been in contact with ? Watch her like a hawk. Be ready to expose but don't do it yet. Hang in there. The emotional pain will be nothing like you have experienced before. But you will get through it. Did you say you have kids ? Thank you for hanging in here with me, yes, I have two beautiful children, a seven year old boy and a 3 year old girl. I am not ready to forgive yet, I do need more time. I just recommended her to send a "Do not contact" out.
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 She is a great photographer, I am trying to get her to get as involved in that as she can, this stuff greatly hindered her business. She says now that I have pretty much yanked everything, lol, she feels she can focus on that stuff, we'll see.
Owl Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 OK, so here's something you need to expect and watch for. Your wife is going to go into a severe depression and withdrawl from you. Crying fits, anger, listlessness, all the normal signs of severe depression. That's because she's going through the 'withdrawl' phase. It's a normal occurrence after the end of an affair and/or an addiction (in your case, both). It can last from a couple of days to a couple of months, depending on the length and depth of the affair/addiction/etc... Just let her get through that...she's not going to make much headway on rebuilding the relationship during that time. And here's another key thing here...if she doesn't go through this...it's a pretty clear cut indicator that she's STILL in contact somehow, someway. Keep that in mind over the next few days/weeks.
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 OK, so here's something you need to expect and watch for. Your wife is going to go into a severe depression and withdrawl from you. Crying fits, anger, listlessness, all the normal signs of severe depression. That's because she's going through the 'withdrawl' phase. It's a normal occurrence after the end of an affair and/or an addiction (in your case, both). It can last from a couple of days to a couple of months, depending on the length and depth of the affair/addiction/etc... Just let her get through that...she's not going to make much headway on rebuilding the relationship during that time. And here's another key thing here...if she doesn't go through this...it's a pretty clear cut indicator that she's STILL in contact somehow, someway. Keep that in mind over the next few days/weeks. Thanks for the advice Owl, I will definitely keep this in mind. I think the entire relationship with the guy in CA was a one weekend event. She met him in the game and then has had lots of phone conversations with him, not saying that there wont' be some kind of withdrawal she will have, she appears to be a very emotional person. From the phone records tho, she is the one calling him, he didn't call her, so I can see some kind of depression coming. She knows I have eyes on the phone, I can always check her history and install a keylogger later on if I start suspecting things, ie, she doesn't show any kind of emotions. I will keep this thread updated with what she does so you guys can help me thru this. I appreciate everything you guys have done for me at this point, I am holding out all hope I can make this work, yesterday I was really close to ending it, I called her and told her I was going to spend the night somewhere else and that hit her hard, so we will see how things go.
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 I got one question for you folks tho, is it normal for your wife that does things like this to still want sex from her husband? Everywhere I read seems to say that a spouse that is in an affair gets distant from their husband/wife, especially in the bedroom.
Owl Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 It can go all kinds of ways. She can shut off, or she can actually seek MORE than you normally had prior to the affair.
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 It can go all kinds of ways. She can shut off, or she can actually seek MORE than you normally had prior to the affair. She is definitely going the MORE route.
65tr6 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 for your wife that does things like this to still want sex from her husband? . It is called hysterical bonding. Do you know your wife's top emotional needs ? sex/physical affection could be among the top for her.
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 It is called hysterical bonding. Do you know your wife's top emotional needs ? sex/physical affection could be among the top for her. I think you are right.
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I told you, it's guilt.... but part of her is thriving on her own excitement and heightened arousal... having men run after her is wondrous for her ego, and not only that, it's very flattering. It's little wonder that her sex drive is up.... She's finding all this attention from these guys highly exciting... But beware. Whilst her body is having sex with you, you have no idea where her mind is. or with whom. I think she's using you to slake her thirst for satisfaction....
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 I told you, it's guilt.... but part of her is thriving on her own excitement and heightened arousal... having men run after her is wondrous for her ego, and not only that, it's very flattering. It's little wonder that her sex drive is up.... She's finding all this attention from these guys highly exciting... But beware. Whilst her body is having sex with you, you have no idea where her mind is. or with whom. I think she's using you to slake her thirst for satisfaction.... Well, she has admitted to the flattery thing to me, that what the men say to her is flattering, and I can understand that, its part of the addiction to it. She knows now that the next screw up and this is over, also, if I find she had another affair during this time frame, its over. I have told her time and again that I want complete honesty and openness, I can't see a marriage surviving with no honesty.
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Question: Do you know, for sure - without doubt - whether she is complying because: (1) She loves you? (2) She feels guilty? (3) She's scared of being found out again?
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Question: Do you know, for sure - without doubt - whether she is complying because: (1) She loves you? (2) She feels guilty? (3) She's scared of being found out again? I don't see how I can ever know this answer for sure cause I can't get into her head and find the real truth. She can tell me its over and is ready to move on and all I can do is go with that and wait and see if she does otherwise, its all I can do, unless you got a better idea.
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Right. Well, she should be making absolutely 100% sure that she can convince you with everything she says and does, that it's number one - and only that. Unless she is doing that - of her own free will, with no coercion, prompting, threats and cajoling from you - then, I think you are whistling in the wind. She has to want to do this entirely of her own volition. There should be nothing in you that backs her into a corner, and threatens or menaces, in any way shape or form. "A Man* convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still." (*read 'woman', here....) if she's doing this because she thinks she has to for you, and she has no choice - she's gone.
Author eddie_d_2000 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Right. Well, she should be making absolutely 100% sure that she can convince you with everything she says and does, that it's number one - and only that. Unless she is doing that - of her own free will, with no coercion, prompting, threats and cajoling from you - then, I think you are whistling in the wind. She has to want to do this entirely of her own volition. There should be nothing in you that backs her into a corner, and threatens or menaces, in any way shape or form. "A Man* convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still." (*read 'woman', here....) if she's doing this because she thinks she has to for you, and she has no choice - she's gone. Gotcha, thanks for the explanation. But along the same lines, as owl has stated, she does have an addiction and the game was giving her something to do, granted, it takes more to go all the way thru with it and meet somebody. I do feel that my telling her that I may not be home for a while was a big thing to her. It does feel like she just wants me around and I have told her that more than once to which she always says, "It's not like that", of course. But she has closed the facebook account and dropped texting off the phone and I can check it now, but that doesn't mean she won't try this again. I do feel that I have done everything I can and if she shows signs of going right back into it, it will have to end. I am allowing for the phone conversations that she had last week, that was right before I found out about the affair, since Thurs, she hasn't done a thing.
redtail Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 ... she hasn't done a thing. Eddie, I have no additional advise to what's been said here, other than, be prepared for tough decisions. My (ex)wife was found out, she was slow to break it off, came clean, etc, etc, etc. I didn't want to listen to people that talked about the "D" word, I had trouble getting my mind around the fact that my marriage would end this way. But then someone told me, set up your boundries, when they're crossed, cut your losses. There's worse things than getting divorced. Best of luck.
Recommended Posts