soheartbroken Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and say that the one who is dumped suffers less when the leaver/dumper breaks NC. I tend to agree that it is wise for the one who is dumped to initiate NC. But, from reading a tonne of threads, it seems that the dumpee feels better, more power, more in control, and more angry (which I think is a good thing for getting over it) when the dumper breaks no contact. Those of us who are completely abandoned suffer more. For us, it's really like the other person does not care at all, never thinks of you, and is moving on just fine. And we're stuck wondering what makes us such terrible/creepy/annoying people that they reject even speaking with us. Especially those of us who haven't cheated or anything. I think when the dumper makes contact, it gives you the power to ignore, and lets you know that they do still think of you, still have your number, and still care. Those are my two cents worth. I'm starting to get jealous when I read all these threads where the dumper makes contact. I can only wish!
Author soheartbroken Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 I suppose this could be moved by a moderator to the Coping forum.
dianna Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 my dumper made contact and ..that's about it . It feels good for a while but then you wait for another contact and that will eventually never happen. Sucks
rubo Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 my dumper made contact and ..that's about it . It feels good for a while but then you wait for another contact and that will eventually never happen. Sucks exactly what happened to me aswell!...and you just sit and wait..and you hope that everytime you recieve a text or email or message on face or howefter the dumper contacted you in the first place, you hope that it is her/him..its horrible:lmao:
jv032889 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I disagree. I don't like when my ex breaks NC. I can't go longer than 2-3 days b/c she will stop by my work and see how I'm doing. Its so difficult to move on. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!
icyness Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I agree SHB. Of course, I'm in that exact position right now..I want so bad for him to contact me just to know he cares, and just so I have some power to ignore it. As of right now, I've been the one foolishly making contact once in a while since the break up and it's all been in vain. He won't speak to me, and I'm left wondering if it's going to be like this forever. I get rather jealous when I see posts and threads about the dumper making contact too..it keeps making me feel like I'm the only one in the world who's dumper refuses to talk to them. It's even more perplexing and upsetting since he claimed he'll always love and miss me, there was no one else, I know Ididn't do anything wrong, etc. I know it shouldn't, but it makes me feel worthless.
bella16 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Funny that I came across this thread. Its been almost 2 months since he broke up with me. I was a mess...didn't know what I was going to do. I cried, begged, and texted him for a while trying to get him back. We were only together 5 1/2 months. He made it clear that he didn't want a relationship after I did all of that. So I let go finally. I'm happy, doing my thing. I have two trips to look forward to...one is this weekend with my girlfriends, I'm so excited! I haven't contacted him at all since. Don't ya know I'm sitting here watching tv about an hour ago, and I get a text message from him saying "whats up?" Are you kidding me??? Why is it that when Im finally moving on and letting go, do they feel the need to contact again? I am ignoring the text. I need to be strong.
caramel c Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Funny that I came across this thread. Its been almost 2 months since he broke up with me. I was a mess...didn't know what I was going to do. I cried, begged, and texted him for a while trying to get him back. We were only together 5 1/2 months. He made it clear that he didn't want a relationship after I did all of that. So I let go finally. I'm happy, doing my thing. I have two trips to look forward to...one is this weekend with my girlfriends, I'm so excited! I haven't contacted him at all since. Don't ya know I'm sitting here watching tv about an hour ago, and I get a text message from him saying "whats up?" Are you kidding me??? Why is it that when Im finally moving on and letting go, do they feel the need to contact again? I am ignoring the text. I need to be strong. Good! Ignore it! Be strong.
Author soheartbroken Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Hey Icy, Don't read the thread about going to dinner with the ex after a month. You will be super jealous. It tears me up inside that my ex doesn't have the decency to let me go with some compassion. She didn't tell me she'd always love me, and definitely didn't suggest that we be friends. F**K. F**K. F**K.
bella16 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Good! Ignore it! Be strong. Thanks! I ignored the text from him, and got another one a few hours later...ignored that one. Then I got one this morning and another one after I ignored that one. This is too amusing. I just don't get it.
Author soheartbroken Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Bella, you're driving me crazy!!!!! So, anyone else besides me and Icy have a dumper who initiated NC?
georgia girl Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I think it's better - and worse -when the dumper breaks contact. Yes, it gives you power. It resets some of the balance in the short term. In the long-term, it leaves you in limbo longer. They want a second chance/don't make good use of it/apologize/you try again, etc. See a pattern? Sometimes, I think it will be a whole lot easier, better, and more empowering if neither party ever breaks no contact. Do I sound like a cynic or what?
Serena2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I think it's best for the dumpee to go NC. If the dumper has a change of heart they will make contact. And if a dumper does make contact, the dumpee needs to protect their heart and be certain of where the dumpers coming from before you exposing their heart again. @Georgia Girl -- You don't sound cynical but it sounds like there may be new developments. Dealing with CPism is so frustrating!! I am wishing and hoping that things are going OK for you!!
georgia girl Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Not hijacking the thread, but... Everything old is new again. I have to say, it's not him; it's me. I am just so damned gun shy that I don't trust him. And not trusting him is no fun for me. I shouldn't have to work this hard to be in love. He hasn't done anything lately - more the opposite. But reading, "He's Scared, She's Scared" opens your eyes and I just keep looking for "signs." Back to the original post, this is why it's worse when the dumper contacts you. Personally, I think the only ones who come back are the commitment phobes and you're better off without them. They don't want to commit to being with you, but they certainly don't want to commit to being without you. You are much better off. Neither guy loved us more and neither guy valued me more than you or you more than me. It's just the commitment phobes can't commit to breaking up!
mimiminx Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I was dumped. He contacted me after 2 weeks of absolutely NC. Has been contacting me nearly every day for over 2 weeks now since he broke initial NC. As for the last post Georgiagirl, he cannot even commit to telling me that we are broken up now, even after one month of him leaving. He can't commit to telling me anything, can't commit to being with me but can't commit to NOT being with me either, that's what it seems like. He says he loves me very much but that indecisiveness is so unattractive.
georgia girl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 This one has bothered me for days. I'm one of the ones who's dumper constantly contacted. The original poster said something about those who get contact being able to get angry and also feeling less worthless. I just couldn't get that out of my head. Yes, my dumper contacted me and to be totally honest, we're trying again. (Yeah, I'm an idiot.) But, the most important thing I've learned is not to ever undervalue yourself. You are incredible and feel that way about yourself. Don't ever let anyone take that from you. You also have a right to get angry - even angrier because he didn't look back and check to see if you were okay. In some ways, it may be easier when the dumper contacts, but it should never, ever change how you feel about yourself. Never give anyone that much power. Be strong - even if you have to fake it for now - and you will always be able to rely on your strength no matter what you face in the future.
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