GF wants break after 4 years but shes also worried with her decision?!?!

[jungle1]

hi all,

its recently just turned 4 years that i have been with my girlfriend (ex-girlfriend) and all was going fine. been with her since we was both 16. so now its come to the 4 year mark, she says that it scared the sh*t out of her and that she now wants a break to see whether its right that we should be together (this was a total shock). ive spoken to her since and shes says that she is soo confused and soo upset that she hasnt eaten slept etc (so what can this mean? why go on a break/break-up?). obviously she wont budge! she said give her a week to sort her head out, but i am so worried that it will end up being for good.

any advice? and any one had something similar (with a good outcome)?

[NopeNah]

Give her all the space in the world! Don't try to contact her at all. There's nothing else you can do in this situation.

[Phateless]

hi all,

its recently just turned 4 years that i have been with my girlfriend (ex-girlfriend) and all was going fine. been with her since we was both 16. so now its come to the 4 year mark, she says that it scared the sh*t out of her and that she now wants a break to see whether its right that we should be together (this was a total shock). ive spoken to her since and shes says that she is soo confused and soo upset that she hasnt eaten slept etc (so what can this mean? why go on a break/break-up?). obviously she wont budge! she said give her a week to sort her head out, but i am so worried that it will end up being for good.

any advice? and any one had something similar (with a good outcome)?

 

You need to tell her flat-out that she can't string you along for a week. Ask her how it would make her feel if you did that to her?

 

Tell her she can have her space but there's no guarantee you'll be there if she decides to come back.

 

DO NOT CALL HER AT ALL during this week. Go out with friends, meet other girls, pretend she does not exist.

[GrayClouds]

Dont beg, bargin, or bitch to her. Ask her when and where she like to meet after the week and then leave her alone.

 

DO NOT CONTACT HER THAT WEEK IN ANY WAY

 

DO NOT CONTACT HER THAT WEEK IN ANY WAY

 

DO NOT CONTACT HER THAT WEEK IN ANY WAY

 

Likely it is over, she just doesn't know how to let go. Anything you try to do to keep her from it will only push her away and make you look bad. It going to hurt for a good long time but you will get through it.

 

READ THIS:

So you want a second chance?

[adamt]

Sorry dude but I think you have to be prepared for the worst cause scenario. All you can do if give her all the time and space she needs. When she come back to talk, let her talk first then tell her how you feel about her. If she wants to finish it then let her go and hope she misses you. She is probably going away to work out what her feelings are as she will be having doubts and mixed emotions

 

At that age you are both growing up and changing on how you want your life to go. you might be growing apart.

 

I've been there recently. She wanted time to think and sort her head out. I let her be, she emailed to say she missed me and thought we were not over but needed to think. A few weeks later she came back and said she wanted to break up. I had spent the break sorting what i could improve and change on, but i just never got the chance. Her decision was made already.

 

You need to think of how you are going to cope if you are going to be single. Get back intouch with friends and aim to keep yourself busy.

 

I see it so many time on here that the woman has been having doubts for awhile. The man misses all the warning signs and by the time the woman breaks up the man can not fix things as her decision can not be changed.

 

Best of luck, but remember I've been through what you are going through and so are many people. Whatever the outcome reflect on where things might of gone wrong and learn from it.

[Enema]

She's 20, she's worried life is passing her by and she's missing out on a lot of experiences while she's only ever had one brand of sausage.

 

What if bratwurst is the best thing ever, but BBQ Pork is all she's had up till now?

 

Time to take a bite of bratwurst, a nibble of kielbasa and try to fit in a whole salami. If they're not as good as she thinks, she can always go back to the old BBQ Pork as a backup plan!

[jungle1]

enema! if that is your real name?! (which im sure it is)

your reply i think aint helping and you need an 'ENEMA' to get rid of all that **** in your mouth........ that your mother put there!

[Enema]

Hopefully you come back and apologize in 6 months when you realize I'm right.

 

I may be crass about it, but I'm right. She wants to play the field, see what she's missing while she's still got her youth.

[deux ex machina]

Enema is right, I'm afraid.

 

I know you have her on a pedestal right now, and don't want to hear it - but it is the truth.

[wow123]

Sorry man. A break means I don't want to be with you "right now" but maybe sometime in the future. She is freeing herself up to see other people. I know it hurts and it sucks but it's the truth. You need to try to move on and prepare for the reality that the break may be permanent. Feel better soon.

[boogieboy]

A break means "im tired of you and I dont want to break it off, but I know I have to". It sucks, but she wants to move on. I dont know what you did to make her fall out of love with you, but you better figure it out, and make sure you dont make the same mistake with the next girl. Unfortunately, she is done with you. Just dont let her string you along. She said a week, but she meant forever. She might want to get back together, but this will be a string of future break ups if she does. SO Start getting used to it, and try to find another girl.

 

Best thing you can do right now, let her miss you. If she contacts you next week, dont answer her calls till the week after, then she will REALLY miss you and might regret her decision for sure. She has to miss you. It will be hard to do, but its your only chance.

[nature]

Jungle, I am sorry you are going through this. I'm going to give you some sincere advice from a woman.

 

When a girl leaves you, it's usually because of one of two reasons:

(a) you weren't treating her right

(b) you were treating her so right, that she got too comfortalbe & knew that no matter what she did, you would still be there for her.

 

I am guessing that obviously yours is (b).

 

So what I would suggest you do, is the following. First of all, you need to change the "power dynamic" of this relationship. Because right now, she has taken all the power from you by breaking up with you, yet knowing you are sitting there waiting and wanting to be back together.

 

So my suggestion to you is to use some reverse psychology. Is there any chance you could go away for a weekend with some buddies? Plan a spur of the moment trip with "the guys"? Or at least go hide out at a buddies place and pretend you are going away? I know this sounds like game playing, but right now you need to do something to switch the power around. As long as she thinks you are sitting at home pining, she will not be back. You need to threaten her "comfortableness". Shake her up a bit.

 

Either phone her to see how she's doing, or send her a breezy, quick email. Whichever you choose, sound happy and upbeat. Tell her you are sorry you took it hard at first, and that it all came as a bit of a shock. But you've thought about things, and that you agree with breaking up. Tell her you've been thinking the same things lately (even if you haven't really, tell her you have). Tell her you are young, and need to get out and experience life. Then throw in that you and your buddies are going away this week for a weekend..... wish her well, and tell her you don't think a break is what you both need. That you both need a break up. After thinking about it for a few days, you agree and feel really good about it all.

 

Say good bye in a happy upbeat tone, and do not contact her again.

 

Her comfortable world will be shaken up...she will be worried thinking about you going away on a sudden "guys weekend". You will no longer come across as the doormat, Mr.Available guy sitting at home waiting for her to figure out whether she wants to be with you or not.

 

Nobody should wait for anybody to decide this. Either you want to be with someone or you don't. "A break" = "having her cake and eating it too".

 

so put it all back on her. take some power back.

[mark982]

jungle,sorry to say enema,s spot on. she's young and wants to explore(as should you) i know that don't make you feel any better,but that's the facts.