DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 After a broken engagement two months later, the X has come on very, very strong. For those of you who know my story, your probably shaking your heads right now that I am even thinking of getting back with her and for those of you who don't read my previous posts and you will be shaking your head soon enough. I've been on 10 dates since she asked me to leave two months ago (in another country). Most within the last month and I was doing well, better than I thought. I've taken the NC pill for about a month before we recently got in contact again. She calls me from an unknown number and says wants me back....no how are you doing, I was thinking about you, can we be friends.....just straight up "I'm sorry for everything I did and I want you back" and continued to do so. The apology does seem genuine, but based upon things she did in the past and me having to leave everything here AGAIN...the risks are amazingly high. I would absolutely lose my job, possibly my dream job all for a second chance that may or may not work. I've never taken a second chance before, let alone something like this where the stakes are extremely high. I know i'll land of my feet wherever I am and whatever life throws at me but the thought of getting back with her is fresh in my mind. This is not someone down the block, this is someone halfway across the world. What do you think?
Thaddeus Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 You're kidding, right? After all she put you through, she calls you back and says "can we be friends"? And you're considering it? Like, WTF? C'mon, Dusty, you know exactly how this would end up. Don't kid yourself.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 No she doesn't want to "be friends" Thaddeus...she wants to get back together and continue down the path to marriage. I never, ever thought I would get an apology but I did and it seems like she did a complete 180. That's why I really need guidance on this because I've NEVER been involved in a "second chance", when I'm done, i'm done. On one hand I want to believe it but on the other I just have a feeling i'm setting myself up again. Thanks
Ronni_W Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 the risks are amazingly high. I would absolutely lose my job, possibly my dream job all for a second chance that may or may not work. There's nothing inherently wrong with taking "amazingly high" risks...as long as there is good potential that it will pay desirable dividends. What was it that SHE would be risking, again? Did you subsequently get at least a telephone number out of her? Has she subsequently shown a genuine interest in YOU, your well-being, your health, your job, your family, your friends...anything? Could you see your way clear to maybe slowing it down a little before you take the quantum leap to an entirely new country, losing your possibly dream job and God knows what else in the process? Like. Emails, phone calls, a few visits now and then? Which quite possibly could be more than high-risk enough, given this post. (I haven't read your history.) Maybe your wisest decision would be to find out if YOU even want whatever she is currently able and willing to offer, first? No actually -- find out EXACTLY what she is offering and expecting, and then decide if you want any part of it. Maybe?
Beeotch Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Ahhhhh.....needless to say, that it cannot be that easy. Second chances are even harder than the first time around. You have to examine this situation and take it slowly....do not immediately get back together. Test the waters...for a whiiiiile!
GrayClouds Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I would say let her actions dictate your decision. If your interested say so but have a strict boundaries/expectations: 1 She moves to your town: 2 She get her own apartment 3 You start by dating again 4 No Sex for at least a good period of time (2 months as long as the break up If she agree to this and her action over that period are constant to her words then consider it. Over this period watch her actions. It should be one of deep love and striving for redemption. She should behavior like she got a second chance, willing to work to keep it, and that the reationship with you is the priority. If she can do that, then you know she is not committed.
GorillaTheater Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Second chances, as a concept, are pretty cool if not often that realistic. My wife and I are a "second chance" of sorts I guess: she broke things off with me when we dated the first time around (I was getting too serious too fast, but was young and didn't know any better). We reconnected, hit it off, and the rest is history. But she never threatened me, ridiculed me, or tried to get me fired from a job. Take that for what it's worth.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 Forget it, it's not going to happen.
silic0ntoad Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Forget it, it's not going to happen. That's my boy Dusty. She's a runner. You can't take her back unless she is a hundred percent serious, and agrees to go to couples therapy and individual therapy. And even then, you may want something else. Stay strong bro.
smookie Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Just wondering .... Why it is not going to happen?
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