changchewsoon Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 seems to me like you guys are made for each other.
freestyle Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 At this point, part of me agrees with the other posters: reconciliation is a long shot. However, I don`t believe it`s impossible, just a long shot. In your OP, you said you finally came clean after hundreds of conversations. If it really took that long for you to admit the truth, your H is going to have a real hard time trusting you again. You said you wanted to spare his feelings.Ask yourself this question: Were you "sparing his feelings" or sparing yourself discomfort? Can two people with a history of cheating ever be truly reformed? In your case, I believe it`s possible, given the amount of remorse you seem to be experiencing. But that`s entirely up to you............................................ ..........can you hear the voice of your own conscience? Will it be louder than the voice of your desires?.............again, up to you.................... As for your husband,perhaps having learned how it feels to be the one who was cheated on will be a wake-up call for him. I think you both need to do serious, thorough, and extensive self-examination. It will be a long, uphill road.
LolitaVida Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Payback is a b*tch, ain't it? you two should have known this was coming. The only question in the marriage should have been who is going to do it first. I sincerely feel no sympathy for you two because you crushed countless people in your search for "true love" only to find out that it wasn't enough. You two don't need to work on your marriage. You need a divorce and therapy on your own to learn where your personal issues stem from and how to function in a loving, respectful, trust driven relationship. Good luck on finding yourself!
Lucky_One Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I don't think your marriage is doomed. I don't think that we, as people, are doomed to make the same mistakes over and over. I don't think that we have to throw babies out with the bathwater. I DO think that you both have a very long way to go to work on your marriage. Someone said the term "ground zero"; I agree that this is the bottom line where you must begin. I think that intensive work with a good couples counselor (and I don't like faith based, but that could work for you two) along with a lot of introspection and communication and honesty at home is necessary. Have you tried MarriageBuilders? A good site for reconciliation, and a good place to get ideas to use at home, even if you don't post there. Go read Harley's books; they are sound ideas for any relationship (whether this one works or not). Your H sounds pretty resistant, so I am not sure how far you will make it doing the work on your own, but if you really want it, you will do all you can. Good luck!
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