Ilovecake Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I hope that some of you take little peace of mind and comfort from my post. I’ve has this whole scenario in my head of how my exe’s life is going. I know he’s dating someone new that is much younger than me and I’ve had the worst fear of seeing him with his new girlfriend because of course in my head she’s a supermodel and he is as happy and content as can be. I’ve been avoiding hanging out with some of my friends and going to places I used to love because of this paralyzing fear. Well the last few weekends I got sick of sitting at home, I decided thati need to step out of my comfort level. I put on some make up and some new clothes and decided to go out by my self. I just told myself that if I run into them and feel uncomfortable I’ll take off. I have yet to run into them, however I’ve been reconnecting with a lot of my old friends who I thought he was hanging out with still and wanted nothing to do with me. First of all everyone tells me I’ve been missed by them a lot, which is so great to hear. Secondly turns out all these fantasies that I had in my head about how my exe’s ‘fabulous’ life without me has been going and about his girlfriend are completely untrue. I don’t bring my ex up to anyone but you know how mutual friend can be; they just can’t wait to fill you in on all the latest gossip. Two weeks in a row I’ve have been told by different people that he is absolutely miserable and his life is going to pieces. He knows he has made the biggest mistake of his life on a whim by breaking up with me (too bad and late sucker ). I’ve posted here least week that he broke his leg being drunk and stupid and is also losing his job. Now I find out that his girlfriend is a complete horror and everyone hates her. She’s whiney and boring and constantly complains that she wants to go home when they are out. My exe’s favorite thing in the whole wide world to do, as is mine, is to go see live bands play. Turns out she absolutely hates doing that, hates the music we like and always want to go home as soon as they get to a club. The words my friend used on Saturday were “that girls is the biggest downer”. Needless to say hearing all of that completely gave me new confidence. I know that all the things I feared were all in my head. I no longer care if I run into them or not because I know even though I’m alone I’m still having a better time. My point is know that all those thoughts you have in your head about how great your ex is doing and how she/he has moved on without you ARE PROBABLY NOT TRUE and the reality is very different than what you imagine. I feel like a new person after this weekend and I wanted to share this with you guys.
phoenix1 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Thanks for the reminder that your head can be a dangerous place.....
icyness Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 That's so awesome; I'm very happy for you ILC. And you're right, I think we all tend to assume they're out there living it up and have these amazing new girlfriends/boyfriends on their arm when in reality it's probably not at all what we're imagining it to be. God knows I can't stop wondering about all that stuff and it ends up driving you downright insane. Exactly what Phoenix said..dangerous indeed.
moo Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I'm glad your dose of reality was actually a good one. I was so fixated on thinking about my ex that I took the wrong medication- something I had taken already some hours ago, and ending up having to call the posion control center. Well, I do believe in the beginning my ex was happy with his new gf, after all, she lived in the same city, was attractive, as she was to him. That was his criteria. But in reality I know the kind of person he is and I do believe the relationship probably went sour by now. I had yet another huge crying fit today. I know he's not worth it. He's not a good quality person and he is incapable of having a loving, deep connection that is not chaotic.
Author Ilovecake Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 I'm glad your dose of reality was actually a good one. I was so fixated on thinking about my ex that I took the wrong medication- something I had taken already some hours ago, and ending up having to call the posion control center. Well, I do believe in the beginning my ex was happy with his new gf, after all, she lived in the same city, was attractive, as she was to him. That was his criteria. But in reality I know the kind of person he is and I do believe the relationship probably went sour by now. I had yet another huge crying fit today. I know he's not worth it. He's not a good quality person and he is incapable of having a loving, deep connection that is not chaotic. Wow Moo, I really hope you're OK. Be careful with the meds. I seem to be very forgetful when depressed and have taken certain medications twice, no fun. It's good to cry it out once in a while but don't get yourself down too much. I'm the type of person that just shuts down and can't function when I'm sad. I've pretty much been sitting at home for months now with nothing but my two cats and the stupid box aka TV. I'm finally getting sick of not living and started slowly stepping outside of my comfort zone. I'm literally making myself go out, mostly alone, and as much as I don't want to do it and will debate it till the minute I leave the house I tend to come home happy that I got out. It’s really helping me and I'm not crying anymore. I still have bad moments but more and more there are little rays of happy coming through and I know that if I didn’t work at it I would just be devastated all the time. I read a great book last weekend it’s called How to Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard M. Halpern, PH.D.D. It’s been my saving grace. It doesn’t preach about how you should do this and that to get on with your life, which I really am sick of hearing. What it does tell you is why we do the things we do in relationships and why we deal with the breakup the way we do. It’s like this guy crawled into my head and just took everything I’ve been feeling and thinking and validated it. I realized after reading this book that I'm not crazy it was my ex that was the crazy one all along. All my reactions to his actions were normal. Good luck, I hope you start feeling better soon.
lizzylizliz Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Sounds like a good book to me, I'm gonna have a look for it online
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