pie_eater Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 So, tonight was another rough night. I went to a bar where a friend is a bartender. She didn't know the specifcs of the ex's new boyfriend (former friend/neighbor, etc) so I had to tell her about it. Then a former co-worker of the ex comes in and chats with me. She said that she's sorry to hear about the break-up and asks me if its difficult. I said it was and she said that she knows that there is a new boyfriend which I mention was our neighbor and that ends that angle of the conversation. Then I get a mass email on my phone from a mutual friend regarding a fundraiser that she's doing and which the ex is participating. I was her first sponsor of this event for a Valentine's gift by the way. So, 3 times the ex comes up when I'm trying to just let go. Anyway, it's nights like these that make me feel like I let her off too easy. When she ambushed me with her self righteous proclamation that her relationship with the former neighbor started after our break-up and said she didn't want me to be hurt, I said that the break-up up was for the best and she needed to do what makes her happy. Now, I feel like saying that was just another example of me helping her feel good about the bad and hurtful way she ended things. I wish I had pointed out all of the instances of her doing things with him while we were together that could be considered "dates". I wish I could call her on the fact that she had been pulling away from me for months and that is probably part of the reason I spent more and more time with friends (which was a main reason for the break-up according to her and something I took responsibility for and apologized). I also wish I had told her that my feelings are no longer any of her business; that her actions were done and that anything she says to me now won't change that. Instead, I let her use me to assuage any guilt she may have had and feel okay with what she did. I'm harboring some bitterness and resentment and don't think it's fair that everything gets to work out for her despite her actions. And anytime I feel like I'm getting over it, I run into someone else who brings up the break-up and, even if I say I don't want to discuss it, the feelings come back. And I'm the one up late writing a post while gets to be sleeping peacefully next to him. I haven't contacted her in months and I won't (I'm really surprised we haven't run into each other), but I'd really like to give her a piece of my mind. I've accepted that she doesn't want to be with me (I think) so I don't want her feeling okay with herself. Maybe that's petty, but its how I feel. I hate feeling this anger and negativity because I'm not that kind of guy.
silic0ntoad Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 It's natural. Honestly. My ex not only left me for little to no reason, but she left the day after I bought a 5k engagement ring. THe next week, I spent 5k to get surgery for her dog, which she left me with. So, I know what you mean. It's natural. It's a manifestation of your pain, and like the rest, it too will pass.
Bobby2010 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Sounds like you're in the anger phase, as am I. That "pulling away" period is terrible. I'll never go through that again, your stomach was in knots yes? It's kind of nice now though, not being in that state of knowing for a fact your girlfriend has changed but she's too much of a coward to admit it. Let it out.
Author pie_eater Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Actually, that sick feeling in the gut is gone for the most part. I've done a pretty good job of avoiding pictures of her or updates on her life. Its mostly anger and bitterness these days. Im pretty bitter that her happiness has to come at the expense of mine. Probably a little jealousy that she has moved on and I haven't.
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