I think the porn is starting to bother me just a rant I guess

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Well usually I'm the 1st to say I don't care if a guy watches porn but I dunno its starting to bother me lately maybe its because I'm super stressed/depressed about other things I don't know.

 

Were never really intimate beyond me pleasuring him and cuddling it seams we don't even kiss he will give me a closed lip kiss like you would your mother ugh.

 

We both have dental issues not rotten teeth mind you but issues its mutual so whats the prob? who cares!

 

I just don't know I was in bed last night he was on here has hes done before watching porn he finishes I guess.

 

Then he comes to bed and goes to sleep I was hurt pissed for the 1st time whats wrong with me? that set off depression.

 

I wouldn't care if it was a fun thing for him but I feel its replaced any intimacy he would have had with me.

 

And I'm easy to please really I'm not a sexual person even once a month would do me a little fooling around once in a blue moon but Nada so far nothing.

 

But putting it off cause we had no protection fair enough good idea saying hes going to get some but it never happens.

 

I have since then he dosent know but we have never even gotten to that point again.

 

Ive been very depressed lately due to other serious issues money worries and such I think hes going to dump me to be honest because of it all soon.

 

And then to top it off we were play fighting today at 1pm in the afternoon I was actually happy then my ****ing land lord who lives down stairs bangs on the wall I guess to say shut up WTF at 1 in the afternoon?

 

I was pissed oh I also tired to buy him a gift that didn't work out bought shoes on line guess the retarded women couldn't tell the difference between 13 inches and 15 DUH...

 

OK rant over thank you

[TaraMaiden]

(For goodness' sake, don't let jersey shortie see this thread.....! )

 

That was a joke....

 

Spanks, it's not all about the porn, is it? I mean there's a whole pile of crahap here, but the porn was the crowning issue....

 

you have the teeth, and the desire to put things right, weighed up against how much it costs. Money.

 

Money worries are the worst thing for a relationship because they look insurmountable, and no matter what you both do, they seem to never go away. And money's a big issue for a lot of people right now.

 

The first thing to suffer, is the communication.

You both withdraw.

Into yourselves, and harbour your worries and concerns.

he distracts himself with porn, because it's easier to do that than to engage with you, connect and relate.

he's gone into his 'cave' and rather than face the big issues, he deals with his own minor problem of letting his frustrations out - by jerking off.

 

You have to go out for a walk, and talk to each other.

How would it be, if you handed him a piece of paper, and asked him to write down everything that's on his mind, about life in general.... any concerns... money, work, your relationship...it doesn't matter.... then put them in the order of priority... most worrying first....

 

You do the same.

Then, compare lists.

This will tell you what's on his mind uppermost, and will tell him what's on your mind, uppermost.

 

Now, this isn't a question of your priorities having to be the same.

I'll tell you now, they're not going to be.

So don't start saying -

"This is really important to me - why is it so low on your list?!"

 

That's not the issue, nor the point.

The point is, to see what's bugging the both of you, and see how you can support one another in your concerns.

 

How would that work for you?

[kiss_andmakeup]

Then he comes to bed and goes to sleep I was hurt pissed for the 1st time whats wrong with me? that set off depression.

 

I wouldn't care if it was a fun thing for him but I feel its replaced any intimacy he would have had with me.

 

I've always said the only time I would have a problem with porn in a relationship is if it affected our sex life. Not sure if porn is what's killing it here, but it sounds like it could be one of many culprits.

 

And I absolutely would have a problem with my boyfriend watching porn when I'm ready and willing instead. That's unacceptable. He should always choose you when given the option.

 

Ive been very depressed lately due to other serious issues money worries and such I think hes going to dump me to be honest because of it all soon.

 

This doesn't sound at all like a secure, loving relationship...you should never have to be worried that your sig. other is going to "dump" you just because you're going through rough stuff. That's when they should be there for you the most.

 

Sounds like maybe you guys should try counseling, or if he doesn't have the desire or drive to do so (which I can see possibly being the case), maybe it's time to cut this one loose.

[Vet]

Well usually I'm the 1st to say I don't care if a guy watches porn but I dunno its starting to bother me lately maybe its because I'm super stressed/depressed about other things I don't know.

 

Were never really intimate beyond me pleasuring him and cuddling it seams we don't even kiss he will give me a closed lip kiss like you would your mother ugh.

 

We both have dental issues not rotten teeth mind you but issues its mutual so whats the prob? who cares!

 

I just don't know I was in bed last night he was on here has hes done before watching porn he finishes I guess.

 

Then he comes to bed and goes to sleep I was hurt pissed for the 1st time whats wrong with me? that set off depression.

 

I wouldn't care if it was a fun thing for him but I feel its replaced any intimacy he would have had with me.

 

And I'm easy to please really I'm not a sexual person even once a month would do me a little fooling around once in a blue moon but Nada so far nothing.

 

But putting it off cause we had no protection fair enough good idea saying hes going to get some but it never happens.

 

I have since then he dosent know but we have never even gotten to that point again.

 

Ive been very depressed lately due to other serious issues money worries and such I think hes going to dump me to be honest because of it all soon.

 

And then to top it off we were play fighting today at 1pm in the afternoon I was actually happy then my ****ing land lord who lives down stairs bangs on the wall I guess to say shut up WTF at 1 in the afternoon?

 

I was pissed oh I also tired to buy him a gift that didn't work out bought shoes on line guess the retarded women couldn't tell the difference between 13 inches and 15 DUH...

 

OK rant over thank you

 

Bold mine. Have you thought about how he feels about this? You say you aren't a sexual person and once a month is enough for you, but what about him? I could see him taking care of himself with porn if you aren't wanting it but "once in a blue moon". How is he supposed to know that now is the time you want it?

[Els]

I think she means that EVEN once a month would be ok for her... but he doesn't even give her that much.

 

Worrisome.

[AAlike]

Is it me or is it kind of ironic that someone named "Spanks the Monkey" has issues with porn!!

 

so I guess I'm a little confused - you WANT more sex and are not receiving it, or you ONLY want sex once a month?

 

either way is a problem, and a problem of which porn is WAY WAY more an end effect than it is a cause.

[MSUE]

whatever the case is w the once a month thing wether that's all she needs or wants...its still a problem...I am way to attracted to my BF I'd go nuts...we go at it pretty much daily worst case scenario 5 times a week...if the attraction is there and the relationship is solid trust me it wouldn't be a once a month ordeal...and if my BF chose porn when he could have had me...I'd probably kick him out

[Vet]

whatever the case is w the once a month thing wether that's all she needs or wants...its still a problem...I am way to attracted to my BF I'd go nuts...we go at it pretty much daily worst case scenario 5 times a week...if the attraction is there and the relationship is solid trust me it wouldn't be a once a month ordeal...and if my BF chose porn when he could have had me...I'd probably kick him out

 

The porn might be a symptom in this case, rather than the problem. Obviously, we need more input from the OP, but she's stated that she is not a very sexual person.

 

The way it seems from her post, one possible explanation for this is that he's gone through a long period of attempting to initiate sex, her not wanting it or enjoying it, and him relegating himself to masturbation, not knowing that she wanted it that particular night. Honestly, if she wants it, why hasn't she been initiating it? Why has she not gotten any condoms or whatever has prevented them in the past? If this is the case, then she shares the blame here.

[kiss_andmakeup]

The porn might be a symptom in this case, rather than the problem. Obviously, we need more input from the OP, but she's stated that she is not a very sexual person.

 

The way it seems from her post, one possible explanation for this is that he's gone through a long period of attempting to initiate sex, her not wanting it or enjoying it, and him relegating himself to pleasuring himself, not knowing that she wanted it that particular night. Honestly, if she wants it, why hasn't she been initiating it? Why has she not gotten any condoms or whatever has prevented them in the past? If this is the case, then she shares the blame here.

 

I agree that this could also be possible...OP have you ever considered that maybe he is afraid to ask you for sex? If he knows you're not a very sexual person who only wants it once in a blue moon, how does he know when it's a good time to approach you? Maybe make yourself more sexually open. Don't wait for him to initiate, as he might not know when to.

[Enema]

I think you're targeting the porn as a scapegoat for your relationship problems.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Why has she not gotten any condoms or whatever has prevented them in the past? If this is the case, then she shares the blame here.

Hi guys thanks for the replies I have indeed bought condoms vet if you read Thu the hole post you would see that.

 

I haven't told him I bought them tho I dunno I thought it would be nicer if I allowed things to happen naturally.

 

Rather then come home and say hey guess what I got the rubbers ready to go baby not my idea of romantic thats all..

 

Its not that I would refuse him if he made the initial attempt for it I def wouldn't refuse unless its that time of the month I refuse to then thats gross.

 

But no theres been times that I haven't felt like it but I still please him Mainly oral or I help while he pleases himself.

 

Cause I know not to wouldn't be fair on him I on the other hand haven't gotten anything really in return and thats OK for the most part.

 

But once in a while it would be nice thats all when I say I'm not a overly sexual person I mean I myself don't need sex allot once in a while works for me I think mainly cause I like the closeness of it not really the sex part itself.

 

On the other hand if he wanted it I wouldn't with hold it from him if that makes any sense?

 

Ive never really refused him he just hasn't made allot of hole hearted efforts at normal sexual things.

 

Hes always enjoyed porn on the PC but lately I find he would rather jerk off on here then even attempt real sexual contact with me at all and its a bit depressing.

 

I have refused him oral a few times very lately but mainly I think cause I feel a bit used and I think I am starting to resent the porn now.

 

And also Ive had allot on my mind witch doesn't help! I was wrong about the him dumping me thing I think Ive just been a little insecure.

 

Maybe because my last relationship before this one was horribly abusive the guy was such a evil little troll! I think that had also hindered my comfort level with the new one at 1st.

 

Things like it took me a while to feel comfortable even being naked around him witch Ive worked on and am much better at now.

 

Looking back perhaps I was a bit standoffish at the beginning sexually with the new guy because of said issues yes.

 

 

But I feel comfortable now ok sorry for the long post but I wanted to explain a few things Thanks guys..

 

Oh new guy has told me he will be there for me and help me Thu the other issues witch is very nice hes a good sweet guy! I just wish I felt like more of a gf guess its the sexual issues OK thanks again..

 

Ps.. Come to think of it

 

Their was one thing that had happened I don't know if this would affect a guy but there was this one time the 1st time we were really intimate we were fooling around.

 

And I guess we both wanted to and he went in even with out protection it only lasted a few Min's.

 

Then I came to my senses and freaked out and told him to stop he got soft like immediate.

 

And looked like a deer in headlights he stoped things were odd afterwords we didn't talk about it again could that have affected him? he asked if I was afraid he came I said yea..

 

And in finishing off here My name SpanksTheMonkey was just meant to be funny thats all don't think to much into it really lol..

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Just wanted to add that I'm a very cuddly Kissey kind of person to me that is just as good as initiating things no?

 

I mean its not like I'm going to pull his pants down and say lets go big boy lol but I am def very affectionate even hes said that..

 

I dunno this seams just awkward sexually to say the least this is also his 1st true relationship to date so I guess that doesn't help?

 

Hes told me he wants to have kids I would actually be open to this in the future but not if its going to be the only time we are intimate.

 

OK thanks again guys and I look forward to your continued excellent advice...

[Vet]

Hi guys thanks for the replies I have indeed bought condoms vet if you read Thu the hole post you would see that.

 

Sorry, I see that now, but your writing is a little hard to follow. Listen, bottom line, if you need intimacy, then be intimate. If it requires you to pull down his pants, shake the condoms in his face, and throw him into bed, then that's what it takes. You obviously don't have the luxury of playing these cat and mouse games. It really sounds like what I posted before is the case: you don't want sex, you want intimacy. Guys don't work like this; sex is intimacy. When you reject him, you're rejecting his advances at intimacy, and you are rejecting him. Sure, you'll relegate yourself to getting him off, but the way you write about it, it sounds like you think you're doing him a favor. You know what I'd think about that? "Well, thanks, but I don't really want to bother you.. guess I'll go jerk off."

 

Be more open to him, initiate sex with him (not cuddling and kissing him, that's not an initiation and it's not just as good), and you'll find that he'll be much more intimate with you (in the cuddling, hugging sense). Good luck with it.