smookie Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Do second chances ever work? I am just wondering about people who have tried and what became of it? I have done it a few times and never worked for me but different story's are kinnda cool to read.
brightlights Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Me and my ex bf of 4yrs broke up and got back to together a couple of times during that period of time, but usually for no longer than a week. But we recently broke up at the end of April and after 4 months of NC he emailed me and have been speaking for the past 3 weeks practically everyday. Not sure how it'll end, it's all very confusing, but we're talking it thru and trying to sort everything out.
smookie Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Do you feel torn when you talk to him? Does it confuse you at all? I know it did for me and it is seeming that he wanted to get back together but I am moved on past that..not in another relationship but just with my personal life.. I find it not as stressfull trying to figure him out everyday.
Maoky Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Well I believe in second chances. My parents are living proof of that. From what they've told me, they were each others firsts, and broke up at least once that I know of when they were younger. Now, over 30 years marriage and our family is still kickass But from my personal experiences, I don't think second chances work unless the parties involved have changed, or are at least committed to resolve past issues.
smookie Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 You are so right... I think personally that people start to miss eachother out of habitt of having them around ... they forget the crappy part and only remember the mushy feeling. Thats when alot of people forget what happened in the first place. I believe in second chances fully also but both sides of the second chance has to work on it..
brightlights Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I don't feel torn, just confused only because I never expected to be talking to him again and not sure what's going on at some points. It feels like a movie sometimes the way some of these things happen. I agree with you guys, second chances won't work unless both parties work on the issues that cause the split in the first place. We spent the first couple of weeks just talking about that, until we had this 4 hour conversation about it, and after that it was so what happens now. Now we trying to see if we can move on from all that stuff, but the hard part is hanging out with each others friends, since they still have their own feeling about it all and were our support unit during the split that they feel like what's going on too, some more strongly than others. Even though it's not up to the friends, we do want some level of peace and not having to worry about who's coming and if there's going to be hostility there. But we'll see how everything goes, at this point it seems to be going ok, but it's too early to tell.
smookie Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 What was the reason for the break up? Sorry I did nto read any past posts from you.
brightlights Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 We broke up because I felt he didn't want to be there. He started going out all the time with his friends and I felt like I was just his wifey at home, and everytime I confronted him about it he'd be like it wasn't like that, but that didn't change how I felt. To top it all off I found out I was pregnant a week before the break up and due to our backwards schedule (I work days, he works nights) I couldn't find a way to tell him. So a week later I find him at home, I'm shock because he's never home that early on a sunday, so I figured I'd finally get a chance to tell him, but within 5 minutes of me being home he goes that he just got an invite to a party from one of his friends and it leaving soon. I got very upset and tried to get him not to leave. I even said when have I ever told you not to go anywhere (never, I'm not that type of person), but he was like that he had to go, so I told him to leave then, and we broke up the next day (I dropped off all his stuff at his job). It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I had to do it, and he didn't have much to say, it was like he expected it. I additionally lost the pregnancy within a few weeks of that. It was very stressful and sad time.
bhweller Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Do second chances work ? Depends on what you mean by "work". What do you expect to accomplish ? You already know who you are and who the other person is, and you already broke up once. what exactly are you giving a second chance to ? Nothing really, just your delusions and insecurities. the purpose of relationships is not to live happily ever after with one person, that is the big lie, and the reason for many threads on this message board.
BCCA Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 My parents are living proof of that Most people point to their parents as living proof. The problem with this is that your parents lived in a very different time, and probably had much different reasons for splitting up. We live in an era of selfishness and instant gratification, no one wants to work for anything anymore, and sadly, they dont usually have to. Options are always great, but they have put a serious cramp into the dating world. The old 'boy meets girl' story from years past is all but gone. To answer your question, second chances can work, but they require effort and desire on both people involved, which is usually not present. More often than not, people dont change, and the same problems are always there.
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