Visa

[Mr. James]

! WARNING !

THIS IS A VERY LONG, DETAILED STORY OF A COUPLE THAT CONQUERED OVER 1000 MILES OF SEA TO BE TOGETHER.

 

Hello all.

 

I will keep my name anonymous for insecurity reasons (please don't be offended anyone by this!), but you can call me James

 

I am 19 years old, going on 20 this November, and my wife turned 21 this past May.

I was born and raised in England for 17 years, until I met my future wife, Lioran. She was born and raised in America and has never left the country.

 

We both met on a online game, even though at the time of our meeting she had a boyfriend in real. We talked for a long time, up until around October, one night in October she told me that she thinks she loves me. I was flabbergasted by those words, because I had feelings for her before that night, but was respectful enough to not say anything because I knew she had a boyfriend.

 

After I heard those words from her, it almost felt like I instantly fell in love with her. I of course brought up the point that she has a boyfriend etc, only to find out that he is a complete ass to her and is very mean to her. Upon hearing that, our online affair started.

 

We kept our affair up, and she eventually dumped her boyfriend so that I could fly over to America to be with her. I had to sell all my possessions to make up the sum of $700 for a return ticket. I finally arrived in her arms on the morning of January 2nd 2007 at 1:14 am.

 

Lioran was living with her mom, and her step dad. Both her mom and step dad were very accepting of me coming over, even though I was a complete stranger from the internet. They let me live in their house, and treated me just like I was their family.

We spent 3 wonderful months together, before I had to fly back to England.

 

Whilst I was back in England, we carried on our relationship online, before I flew back to America 1 month later to spend another 3 months with her.

During those 3 months, I proposed to her at a nice restaurant on the night of her birthday, with her tears of love and bliss, she accepted.

 

After this, we decided that we had to be together, forever, that meaning one of us had to move to America or England. Due to a lot of issues involving a step dad that likes child abuse and molestation, and a mom who had her ears shut and eyes elsewhere family, I was more then happy to decide that I would move to America to live with her permanently.

 

We filed a immigration application that would let me stay in the US permanently, on the condition that I fly into America with a Visa that let's me marry Lioran to stay in America.

 

The cost of the whole process, including the application, visa, work permit, permanent resident card, air tickets etc cost in the sum of $3000-4000.

 

We endured a very hard 3 months apart from eachother again before Lioran decided to fly to England to be with me until I could come to America for good.

Of course, our time together was practically like being in heaven, and after approximately 3 and a half months, I got my visa and we both ready to fly to America.

 

I packed up all of my stuff, and had a family reunion to say goodbye to my family, as I would not be seeing them for a very, very, very long time. We both got on the plane sometime in March, and arrived back home in the middle of a blizzard.

As I only had 90 days to get married to Lioran upon my entry into America, we had to make plans ASAP. 4 days before her birthday, we got married at a beautiful chapel in Gatlinburg TN. It was an amazing day, I couldn't help but cry as he finally pronounced us husband and wife. We were finally together, forever... <3 2008 <3

 

Now, here is where it all begins.

In the early months of 2009, we were still playing the online game that we originally met on, because it was a hobby that we both enjoyed playing together. She bumped into a guy online, we will call him John. They became friends very quickly, and before I knew it, they spent a whole 2 weeks together online ALL day. Lioran would get online, first thing she does as soon as she wakes up, and would spent all day on it, even into the early hours of the morning with John. That even meant she wouldn't go to bed with me, even when I asked her to.

 

Eventually I got tired of their "friendship" and gave Lioran the option to end their friendship, or we would have a lot of issues. She reluctantly "stopped" talking to him. The computer became a obsession to her, even to the point where I would say what is more important, me or the laptop, and she discreetly made it clear that it was the laptop.

 

I find out that later on, she ended up adding him as a friend to facebook and stuff and got really mad at her because she didn't remove him until 4 days after I found out, even though I told her on the first day.

 

Moving into late June, one day whilst Lioran was out with her mom shopping, I logged onto her computer just for the heck of it, to see what she had on it. I got into her documents, and found her MSN password. I log onto her MSN account and find that John was on her MSN Messenger list. I then go into her email, and find a ton of love emails from John sent to her address.

 

The worst was yet to come, as I go into her Sent emails, I find naked pictures of her which were sent to Johns email address, and other emails with love song lyrics, and explaining how much she loved him.

 

That night we made love 2x, and I forgave her, because I loved her so much and I felt like it was all my fault.

The next day, I find out in Internet Browser History that she has visited his Facebook profile, I forgive her again. The same thing happens the next day, I forgive her again.

The days carry on, with me finding things like Texts sent to him, stating she would be online to talk to him whilst I was at work, and also saved instant messaging history stating she loves him and is thinking of him.

 

Finally, after I forgave her for the 6th time, I drastically lower how much I check up on her. After this, we both ended up going to a friends house to get drunk. That same night whilst we were at our friends house, I told her when we were alone, that I wasn't in love with her, but I still loved and cared for her so much.

She ended up getting really mad about what I said, and told our friend about it in front of me, so I blow up too and blurt out how I only fell out of love with her because she cheated on me 6x with the same guy.

 

Another friend came over, and offered to take me home. I told Lioran I am going home, but she didn't want to come, she wanted to stay there alone with our guy friend, both of them drunk.

I go home, and she ends up turning off her phone after I left and didn't put it on until the next day. Because of everything she had already done to me, I was and still am under the impression that they slept together.

 

More time passes, our feelings different and mixed. There were even periods of time where I wouldn't let her kiss me, or have any physical contact with me, and other times of severe depression and tears. Finally, it came down to a period where I was completely fake, I had a smile on my face all the time and never ever brought up anything about our issues, John or anything relevant to that.

 

This didn't last long, until one day I logged onto her MSN and found out that John appeared in her contact list. Even though he was not on her contact list before I left to work, he mysteriously appeared on her contact list whilst I was at work.

 

More issues arise, and as much as I wanted to move out, to get away, I have and still have no where else to live, and she refuses to move out. So me, having to deal with my cheating wife in the same house as me, was extremely hard and difficult. Especially when I would go to work, or I was in the shower, sleeping, or even if she was at work. These are the only times she would go behind my back.

 

Eventually, she told me that she is not in love with me anymore, and wants a divorce, also calling me every swear word under the sun, saying how she hates me and never wants to look at me again, all because she "can't deal with my depression, tears etc".

 

This only just happened yesterday, and now I am being offered by one of our friends to go live with him, which is only about 10 minutes of a drive away from Liorans house.

He says that he wants me to come live with me, because he too has dealt with a similar situation that I have. We are really good friends, and he feels more like a brother to me then a friend. All he has to find out is if the landlord will let me live there.

 

And Lioran, she is wanting to move in with a guy friend to live at an apartment.

 

After this very long story, I must explain my point in posting here.

I am really looking for comfort, understanding, and advice which will hopefully help me deal with this daily pain and depression. I am not a guy that would ever cheat on a woman, and that is why I never even considered it even after I found out Lioran cheated on me. I am a very kind, honest and sensitive guy, and I have tendered to Liorans every need and want, no matter what the cost.

 

I feel like I have given her the world, and it still isn't enough for her. And it hurts so much to know, that I have forgiven her so much in hopes that I could win her heart back, all to no avail.

 

I hope someone can meet me on a personal level, even if not, I would love to hear some feedback on the story.

 

Kind regards,

Mr James

[ATR]

The fact that she was cheating on her previous boyfriend to be with you was a huge red flag. She is just doing the exact same thing... except your in the boyfriends shoes now.

[Ariadne]

James,

 

I loved reading your story. What a story!

 

For being only 19 years old I find you so mature to do all those things you did.

 

(To sell all your belongings, say goodbye to all your friends and family, leave the country, and get married).

 

I'm so sorry things didn't work out with your wife.

 

It seems like she wasn't ready to make a decision so permanent at such young age.

 

Good thing you got yourself a buddy, that's going to help you a lot.

 

I'm afraid though, that if you move away from her you might get even more depressed. Hopefully with your friend you'll find support.

 

I wish you the best of luck in the US, all alone, poor dear. Hugs.

 

Hope you are feeling a little better.

[LisaUk]

Hi

 

I'm so sorry to hear what your w has done to you. You will find many on here who have had similar experiences with EA's (emotional affairs), particlualrly involving online gaming and facebook (I swear facebook is evil). You sound incrediably mature for your age, it's a shame the same can't be said for your w.

 

Have you exposed her affair to family, friends, work collegues etc. This is the first thing most on here will advise you to do. You need to show her, her behaviour is unacceptable and that the consequences are divorce, expose, get the papers drawn up and get her served. This may bring her out of her affair fog, it may not. Are you wanting to try and reconcile or are you done? Read up on the 180's as well, you'll find them listed on this site or google divorce busting. Check out marriage builders Plan B as well.

 

Keep posting, there is much support here, we are all in this together and we will all get through it, one day at a time, together!

[Lyssa]

Lioran doesn't seem to appreciate whatever you have done to get to her. Best thing to do is to stay with your friend. It's a good thing that you have him around.

 

I'm sorry you are in pain and I hope you will find happiness again, soon.

[soheartbroken]

I agree that you should stay with your friend. Let her see what she's missing.

 

I'm so sorry about what your wife has done to you. Keep posting here when you feel the need to.

[CheatedOnHusband]

Sorry to hear your story. Though the foundation was very weak, u tried ur best to be in the relationship. How are you doing with your visa?

[Mr. James]

Hello all

 

Thank you all for your replies and for keeping me in mind

About my Visa: I am now a Permanent Resident of America, I can get my naturalization in 2 years (which means I have to swear the oath to America etc, making me a citizen). I am currently working, because I got my work permit earlier this year, and in terms of my immigration into America, it has gone very smoothly for the most part.

 

Today, Lioran told me that she has been thinking a lot about her self, and what her life would be like without me. She said she couldn't bare to live without me, and she wants to try and make things work.

 

But at the same time, in her fury of rage at me last night because I went to spend some time with my friend and she wasn't allowed to come (he didn't want her to), so she confessed to me today that she added John to her Facebook because she was mad at me.

 

I am starting to doubt how we could even possibly work out if that is how she is going to treat me when she gets mad. I love her so much, but I don't think we could ever work out together again.

 

Also, about her breaking up with her ex to be with me, yeah, I feel like I am in his shoes now. But at the time we got together, I thought I was like everything she wanted, and that this kind of thing would never occur again, because it was in my mind the whole time.

 

Thanks again all for your advice and comments, I find it all useful

 

Edit: Her mom, step dad, some online friends and other family of hers know what she has done. Fair to say, they all are severely disappointed in her and what she has done.

And yes, it does make me feel a bit better that I can share my story with others that have felt pain in a similar if not identical way, or just have knowledge in the field or being hurt by a partner.]

 

Thank you all again, at least I have caring people here that I can share my story with

[LisaUk]

Hi James

 

How do you feel about your w saying today that she wants to work it out?

 

Have you asked her if she will attend marriage counselling with you? It seems to me, no offence intended, that she is still very young and immature, but you are married and with that comes a commitment and maturity. She needs to learn she can't threaten divorce at the drop of a hat and can't abuse your trust and feelings because she is mad with you!

 

I think MC would help to help her understand the responsibility that comes with being a wife!

 

Keep posting, we are all listening.

[Mr. James]

Hi all again

 

To answer LisaUk, I feel that Lioran only said that because I announced the day before that I was going to be moving in with my real friend, and I feel like she doesn't want me to leave because she wont have anyone here anymore.

 

I have considered MC a long time ago, but after having to endure this for over a month, without her showing any devotion, motivation or love towards me, I feel like I would be a lot happier away from her. Don't get me wrong, I love Lioran to death, that is why I am still here. I would do anything for her, well, I already do even with our current situation (bringing her food, giving her back/foot massages, doing her chores like dishes, laundry etc etc), but in my opinion, she has abused this for a long time and I am emotionally confused lately by her sudden turn of attitude towards me.

 

I will keep you all updated on how it goes, but for now, I am going to go play some rock band get my mind off of this.

 

Thanks again all!