Untouchable_Fire Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 But seriously...there is nothing special about bad boys. I think very few women actually prefer bad boys. what we don't like are the typical "nice guy" translation, doormat who comes on too strong. That is what women really don't want. The two extremes are bad, men should aim to fall somewhere between the two. The honest truth is that as a guy it pays to be more on the selfish Ahole side of the spectrum than the other. You just have to make sure to be nice at times.... it gives hope.
dreamergrl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Rosey... you seem like a nice lady, so throw in the towel on this one before you go and hurt somebody! Bottom line is that your not attracted to this guy, however nice he may seem to be. Never date someone you are not attracted to!! It's the worst thing you can do... not just to yourself but to the guy as well. You know that you have some serious.... serious emotional issues when you can't respect anyone who respects you. I really doubt you have the ability to see what is inside a mans heart. Just stop overthinking it and date whoever you like. Maybe it will work out for you... maybe not. At least you won't be screwing up everyone else's life. I think what TG was getting at, was 'a little too nice', being a doormat. It doesn't make the cheating right, but it's hard to respect someone if they don't respect themselves.
thegreatmoose Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Hi, Just been doing a stocktake lol of my past relationships. And figuring out most of the have been some kind of 'bad boy' What makes them so attractive? Or am i up for self sabotage. I just ended my latest fiasco of a, ahem, relationship with yet another malfunctioning man. I would have thought at my age 37 that i'd have woken up to myself. I know a man who is lovely. He is attractive. but he is very very nice but he doesnt make me feel excited. I dont want to end up with yet another awful bad boy. So i am getting to know this person quite slowly which isnt my normal style. The more i know him the more nice he seems. he is considerate and very respectful towards women. he is even reliable and takes good care of himself. I really want to give it a chance, get to know him and see what happens. anyone else here in the bad boy or girl cycle? anyone break it and go with a nice guy/girl? and what happened for you. thanks everyone rosey I just went on a first date with a woman who had a LTR with a bad boy and had a history of dating them. She was quite negative about them. I made a couple of comments that I'm different than them. Not a good move by me as I came off as the opposite of a bad boy, the nice guy. A couple minutes later she cut the date short and I got the expected email about all the good qualities I have, how I'll find someone, but we have no chemistry. I don't think she cared for me at all. Looking back, I think she still wanted something close to a bad boy.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I think what TG was getting at, was 'a little too nice', being a doormat. It doesn't make the cheating right, but it's hard to respect someone if they don't respect themselves. Her cheating has more to do with a lack of respect for herself than it did the guy being a doormat. Seriously... what kind of woman treats a doormat type guy like that? It's like kicking puppies. How can you lose respect for someone because they treat you too well? Only if you don't think your worthy of any respect. That's why she thinks a guys is nuts when he is nice to her... it's like... what the hell is wrong with this guy? Being nice to me and stuff.... what a loser.
dreamergrl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Her cheating has more to do with a lack of respect for herself than it did the guy being a doormat. Seriously... what kind of woman treats a doormat type guy like that? It's like kicking puppies. How can you lose respect for someone because they treat you too well? Only if you don't think your worthy of any respect. That's why she thinks a guys is nuts when he is nice to her... it's like... what the hell is wrong with this guy? Being nice to me and stuff.... what a loser. Doormats have no respect for themselves though. Have you ever dated one? It's extremely frustrating.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Doormats have no respect for themselves though. Have you ever dated one? It's extremely frustrating. Yes I have. And... I will take a doormat over a jerk any day. Why? Because I respect myself. I wont tolerate some super bitchy girl. A doormat will be nice to me, which is what I deserve. Maybe if I hated myself I would just go after the self centered women... and kick the nice ones around... but I like myself.
thegreatmoose Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Her cheating has more to do with a lack of respect for herself than it did the guy being a doormat. Seriously... what kind of woman treats a doormat type guy like that? It's like kicking puppies. How can you lose respect for someone because they treat you too well? Only if you don't think your worthy of any respect. That's why she thinks a guys is nuts when he is nice to her... it's like... what the hell is wrong with this guy? Being nice to me and stuff.... what a loser. I've known of far worse done to doormats. What's sad is sometimes they don't know any better. They often think they are not being nice enough after they have been cheated on, which makes the problem even worse. That said, I don't think the majority of women would cheat on a doormat.
tkgirl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 You know that you have some serious.... serious emotional issues when you can't respect anyone who respects you. I really doubt you have the ability to see what is inside a mans heart. Just stop overthinking it and date whoever you like. Maybe it will work out for you... maybe not. At least you won't be screwing up everyone else's life. ok... that happened to me like 10 years ago... I think I've learned a lot since then so back off! geez... the point I was trying to make was I went from extreme bad boy to extreme "nice" guy i.e. doormat... and yeah I got bored and wanted to feel that intense attraction again... so sue me. I know I F'd up and like I said I've learned from my mistakes... pretty much. hey, nobody's perfect!
lovesacks Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 ok... that happened to me like 10 years ago... I think I've learned a lot since then so back off! geez... the point I was trying to make was I went from extreme bad boy to extreme "nice" guy i.e. doormat... and yeah I got bored and wanted to feel that intense attraction again... so sue me. I know I F'd up and like I said I've learned from my mistakes... pretty much. hey, nobody's perfect! you don't go from extreme bad boy to nice guy. LOL, you might try but you are never going to be a true nice guy. you either are or not.
tkgirl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 you don't go from extreme bad boy to nice guy. LOL, you might try but you are never going to be a true nice guy. you either are or not. um.. I went being with the bad boy to the nice guy... two different guys... that I was with, get it? and no I didn't cheat on the nice guy because he was too nice... it's just at the time.. um, 10 years ago! I got bored with him and I met someone else... that actually turned into a LTR for a few years. I knew I liked this new guy the minute I met him.. but I didn't break up with nice guy until after I started seeing (and had slept with) new guy. OK.. there's all the sordid details! But if some of you (UT) want to keep thinking I'm a heartless bitch who enjoys kicking puppies and treating nice guys like crap go ahead. It's not who I am at all but whatever...
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 ok... that happened to me like 10 years ago... I think I've learned a lot since then so back off! geez... the point I was trying to make was I went from extreme bad boy to extreme "nice" guy i.e. doormat... and yeah I got bored and wanted to feel that intense attraction again... so sue me. I know I F'd up and like I said I've learned from my mistakes... pretty much. hey, nobody's perfect! I'm certainly not perfect myself. I was with the most self centered, ball buster biatch ever... and cheated on her. So, believe me... no claim to perfection here. All I'm saying is what we are attracted to is opposite, most likely because our self esteem levels are vastly different. That's why I don't mind doormats. I can handle them easily and not get too frustrated.
dreamergrl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 you don't go from extreme bad boy to nice guy. LOL, you might try but you are never going to be a true nice guy. you either are or not. She's talking about dating one extreme to the other - not being one. And I think it's easier for a guy to say he'd rather date a doormat girl over a bitchy girl, then it is for a girl to date a bad boy to a doormat boy. Doormats aren't nice because they are a nice person always, they are nice because they don't want to deal with any issues. At all. A male doormat is not attractive to women because we like a man to be able to stand up for himself. Women are expected to do that as often or as much.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 um.. I went being with the bad boy to the nice guy... two different guys... that I was with, get it? and no I didn't cheat on the nice guy because he was too nice... it's just at the time.. um, 10 years ago! I got bored with him and I met someone else... that actually turned into a LTR for a few years. I knew I liked this new guy the minute I met him.. but I didn't break up with nice guy until after I started seeing (and had slept with) new guy. OK.. there's all the sordid details! But if some of you (UT) want to keep thinking I'm a heartless bitch who enjoys kicking puppies and treating nice guys like crap go ahead. It's not who I am at all but whatever... I will agree... your no Mike Vick... but your definitely a puppy kicker.
tkgirl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I'm certainly not perfect myself. I was with the most self centered, ball buster biatch ever... and cheated on her. So, believe me... no claim to perfection here. All I'm saying is what we are attracted to is opposite, most likely because our self esteem levels are vastly different. That's why I don't mind doormats. I can handle them easily and not get too frustrated. you get on with your bad self then! I just don't like doormats. I need a guy that's confident... who knows who he is and what he wants and then goes after it... not a bad boy but a good guy with a little bit of an edge!
tkgirl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I will agree... your no Mike Vick... but your definitely a puppy kicker. actually, I love dogs.. I have the cutest little pug ever and it's been at least a week since I've giving her a good kick! just kidding!!!
lovesacks Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 you get on with your bad self then! I just don't like doormats. I need a guy that's confident... who knows who he is and what he wants and then goes after it... not a bad boy but a good guy with a little bit of an edge! you know thats so hilarious. some of the women on here clearly have self esteem issues but claim you wont date a doormat guy, due to his confidence problem. so you need someone who is confident but you are not exactly confident either? and of course you want a bad boy that is what you are accustomed to ..if you want a bad boy or take that over doormat=low confidence. sorry
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 And I think it's easier for a guy to say he'd rather date a doormat girl over a bitchy girl, then it is for a girl to date a bad boy to a doormat boy. Doormats aren't nice because they are a nice person always, they are nice because they don't want to deal with any issues. At all. A male doormat is not attractive to women because we like a man to be able to stand up for himself. Women are expected to do that as often or as much. I'm plenty strong for two people. I can take care of someone who won't stand up for themselves... so long as they don't fight me on it. To me... nice is nice... I don't really care where it comes from. When someone extends kindness to me... I wont take advantage!
tkgirl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 She's talking about dating one extreme to the other - not being one. And I think it's easier for a guy to say he'd rather date a doormat girl over a bitchy girl, then it is for a girl to date a bad boy to a doormat boy. Doormats aren't nice because they are a nice person always, they are nice because they don't want to deal with any issues. At all. A male doormat is not attractive to women because we like a man to be able to stand up for himself. Women are expected to do that as often or as much. BTW, thanks DG for having my back on this!
tkgirl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 you know thats so hilarious. some of the women on here clearly have self esteem issues but claim you wont date a doormat guy, due to his confidence problem. so you need someone who is confident but you are not exactly confident either? and of course you want a bad boy that is what you are accustomed to ..if you want a bad boy or take that over doormat=low confidence. sorry I'm curious... why do you think I'm not confident? and I repeat.. the cheating on doormat guy hapened 10 years ago.. seriously.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 you get on with your bad self then! I just don't like doormats. I need a guy that's confident... who knows who he is and what he wants and then goes after it... not a bad boy but a good guy with a little bit of an edge! How do you tell the difference?
lovesacks Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I'm curious... why do you think I'm not confident? and I repeat.. the cheating on doormat guy hapened 10 years ago.. seriously. im not specifically speaking of you , as you saw i said "some" women. but you know i think most bad boys lack self esteem that is their problem..that is why they are a jerk. they put on an act like they are confident that is what is appealing. they seem to have loads of self esteem but its the opposite.
dreamergrl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I'm plenty strong for two people. I can take care of someone who won't stand up for themselves... so long as they don't fight me on it. To me... nice is nice... I don't really care where it comes from. When someone extends kindness to me... I wont take advantage! And that's great for you. But women want a strong man, in general. Also though, doormats lack confidence, so do you want a a girl who has little to no confidence? One who will just agree for the sake of agreeing? One who will not make choices? These are all icky traits to me, male or female. you know thats so hilarious. some of the women on here clearly have self esteem issues but claim you wont date a doormat guy, due to his confidence problem. so you need someone who is confident but you are not exactly confident either? and of course you want a bad boy that is what you are accustomed to ..if you want a bad boy or take that over doormat=low confidence. sorry that made no sense what so ever.
lovesacks Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 that made no sense what so ever. thats not surprising
tkgirl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 How do you tell the difference? It's not something you can really explain... it has to be who the guy IS. There's nothing worse than a guy that tries too hard and goes around acting like he's a "bad boy".
lovesacks Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 well here is something i was reading online about bad boys and girls. The Bad Boy (or Girl) This person seems almost too confident. They claim openly that they don’t need anyone’s approval; that they will do what they want, how they want, and when they want. They tend to rebel against authority, and usually remain aloof. While this individual may seem to have too much self esteem rather than too little, this is actually not the case. The Bad Boy puts on an act to try to prove that he does not need the kindness or acceptance of others. However, this is actually a method for keeping people at a distance – he feels that no one would accept him or want a close relationship with the “real” him. In his mind, he has already decided that others will reject him, so he lashes out preemptively by pushing them away, usually by acting hostile or callous. This is a person who feels that his or her real self is never good enough, and is prone to self-destructive behaviors like drinking.
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