Davnnic Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 One month into this EA/PA, feelings are hot and heavy-and so is the physical passion; both are married, with families...he has a new arrival due any day. He said he loves me-but doesn't want to "lose" his kids (feels if he leaves W she will move out of state). I am happy to continue status quo-but I know I will want and expect more soon...I don't even know what I am asking for by posting here, only that my range of emotions is staggering, and I am utterly confused and feeling out of control; when we are together it's great, but when we are apart, my emotions are a roller coaster. Oh, and we work together (same company, differnt dept.'s). I don't want it to end, but I'm not sure where I want it to go... The thought og NC scares me-I don't think I am strong enought to do that...I don't want to do that, although it would be the right thing
Meaplus3 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 The thought og NC scares me-I don't think I am strong enought to do that...I don't want to do that, although it would be the right thing It is the right thing! The sooner you can break free from this the better of you will be. Your both married. Your best bet is to try and figure out what might be missing in your marriage that that lead you to this OM. Do you feel you could do that? Mea:)
whichwayisup Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I don't envy you or the soon to be outcome of your situation..So many innocent people are about to be hurt and have their lives turned upside down. (YOUR H, HIS W, all the poor, poor KIDS involved.) To have an affair with a MM who's wife is ABOUT to give birth to their son/daughter has to be one of the most disturbing and intentionally cruel things a man can do to his pregnant wife. He is a sh.it and it blows me away that you're OK being a part of this. Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh and I'm not judging you.. It's just that you've put yourself in a real scary and painful situation. Are you strong enough to face your husband, possibly lose EVERYTHING? Your own family, friends, neighbours, co-workers, your job, your reputation? IS this MM scumbag worth it? Instead of worrying about NC, worry about your husband and your own kids, losing them and the fallout/consquences you'll be facing soon enough. Eventually, probably sooner, either his wife or your H is going to find out the truth. AND it's ONLY been a month! You're in a total affairyland fog. How can you forget all that you've lived and shared with your own husband and family, be willing to piss it all away for some hot sex and fun? You're not inlove, you're in lust and enjoying the intense feelings you're having.
westrock Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 he has a new arrival due any day. How does that make you feel?
Author Davnnic Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 Horrible...but I justify by feeling that I don't owe HER anything-it's his deal, not mine
Author Davnnic Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 It is the right thing! The sooner you can break free from this the better of you will be. Your both married. Your best bet is to try and figure out what might be missing in your marriage that that lead you to this OM. Do you feel you could do that? Mea:) I know I have to do it-and I know what is missing form my marriage-I am enteraining avoidance at this point, because i know the end result will not be pleasant. I don't want my husband ever finding out. Ever
boldjack Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 OP, You need to wise-up. This man is going to be a father by another woman and is having sex with you. That should tell you what kind of man he is. You also need to tell your husband the truth, since you can't be faithful to him, you should at least be honest, so he can find somebody better that you.
Author Davnnic Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 Are you strong enough to face your husband, possibly lose EVERYTHING? Your own family, friends, neighbours, co-workers, your job, your reputation? IS this MM scumbag worth it? Instead of worrying about NC, worry about your husband and your own kids, losing them and the fallout/consquences you'll be facing soon enough. Eventually, probably sooner, either his wife or your H is going to find out the truth. AND it's ONLY been a month! You're in a total affairyland fog. How can you forget all that you've lived and shared with your own husband and family, be willing to piss it all away for some hot sex and fun? You're not inlove, you're in lust and enjoying the intense feelings you're having. I don;t think i am strong enough to face everyone-if i had any strength i wouldn't have started this I think. The lust part is correct- I have never experienced a passion like this-the sex is phenomenal; he's 13 years younger and we have amazing chemistry. Do I want to lose it all-NO; will I? Most likely, and I can't for the life of me determine why.
CheatedOnHusband Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Do question you should ask youself is WHY? Why put yourself in what would be inevitable nightmare? Nothing good is going to come out of this. You know the likely outcome of this utter selfishness. There is a high chance that your affair will come out in the open. It is highly unlikely that Mr. Silly will leave his wife for a woman who is 13 years his senior ... he is probably stroking his ego by fulfiling one of his fantasy sleeping with an older woman.
bentnotbroken Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 You are a mother. Why would you do that to another mother, while she is pregnant. He isn't afraid his wife will take the kids. He is still having sex with her and impregnating her. If he were that afraid he would take birth control matters into his own hand,:mad:what a s.o.b. You are afraid she will take you kids, but you have another azz-a-nine.
westrock Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Horrible...but I justify by feeling that I don't owe HER anything-it's his deal, not mine You may not owe HER anything.... but you owe it to YOURSELF to be honest. There's a reason why you are feeling horrible. What's driving you to have the EA/PA in the first place? You need to focus on that.
bentnotbroken Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 You may not owe HER anything.... but you owe it to YOURSELF to be honest. There's a reason why you are feeling horrible. What's driving you to have the EA/PA in the first place? You need to focus on that. So true. So true.
Author Davnnic Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 You may not owe HER anything.... but you owe it to YOURSELF to be honest. There's a reason why you are feeling horrible. What's driving you to have the EA/PA in the first place? You need to focus on that. I'm having the A due to having a very nice husband-who doesn't like sex, is unmotivated, and expects me to make everyhting in life OK...I needed to feel alive again, and now I am. I feel guilty for finally doing what I need and want, not putting everyone else first. I know that is not a "popular" answer, but it's the truth.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Horrible...but I justify by feeling that I don't owe HER anything-it's his deal, not mine You don't care that he OBVIOUSLY has sex with his W?! It his deal, but you've made it yours. You know what, I am probably not the best one to advise on this, but all I see is complete chaos happening. The worst thing is exposing an unborn baby to a possible STD. If your MM's W finds out, BEWARE! GEL
bentnotbroken Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I'm having the A due to having a very nice husband-who doesn't like sex, is unmotivated, and expects me to make everyhting in life OK...I needed to feel alive again, and now I am. I feel guilty for finally doing what I need and want, not putting everyone else first. I know that is not a "popular" answer, but it's the truth. Truth or not. We don't have to engage in destructive behavior to put ourselves first. Guilt, that isn't the main emotion you were shooting for I would guess. I would also guess putting yourself first has nothing to do with putting yourself first, but more to do with what you know is right and wrong. You know how you would feel if you were in her shoes. You know how expectant mothers feel. You guilt is because it could easily have been you and you don't want to have those thoughts, but they won't go away will they?
westrock Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I'm having the A due to having a very nice husband-who doesn't like sex, is unmotivated, and expects me to make everyhting in life OK...I needed to feel alive again, and now I am. I feel guilty for finally doing what I need and want, not putting everyone else first. I know that is not a "popular" answer, but it's the truth. Actually, there is nothing wrong with needing to feel alive again and not having to put everyone else first. Those are worthy pursuits. What is not "popular" or socially/morally acceptable is having an EA/PA as the way to achieve those goals and even moreso in the circumstances that the OW is about to give birth. You have legitimate issues about your H. A spouse (you) should not have to suffer in a marriage where the other spouse doesn't like sex, is unmotivated, and expects the spouse to make everything in life OK. That is a marriage in distress. However, a spouse (your H) should not have to suffer in a marriage where the other spouse is having an EA/PA. Counselling is what's needed if the marriage has any hope of survival. Have you and your H tried marriage counselling? If so, what happened? If not, why not?
lkjh Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Do your husband a favor and divorce him. If the only way you know to feel alive is let another married man inside of you then you are not marriage material. Your little mid-life crisis will end up hurting a lot of people including your husband the OMW, and most important the children. By the way you are a fool if you think the OM is only staying because of the kids. He just wants some a** on the side. I didn't sugar coat this but it's all true
Meaplus3 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I know I have to do it-and I know what is missing form my marriage-I am enteraining avoidance at this point, because i know the end result will not be pleasant. I don't want my husband ever finding out. Ever Well, it's good that you know what's missing. But in all honesty, the more you avoid it the worse it will get. I was there once. And I was afraid. And for a while there it got ugly. But the end result was more pleasant than I thought. So, what I'm saying is if you can entertain the ideas of what's missing and try to fix the situation at least you will have given it your best shot. If it's fixable and works that's great. If not that's ok to. But at least you can say you gave it your all. As for your H finding out, chances are if you let the affair continue.. he will find out and so might this MM's wife. Now think of all the pain you can avoid by walking away NOW! I wish you the very best here.. and please know that I feel for you. Mea:)
lupa Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 . Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh and I'm not judging you.. Sound harsh! Judge! What they are doing is disgusting, just f*cking awful. That poor woman is about to give birth, and this one is wrecking her family.
fooled once Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Wow Just wow. You really have no problem having an affair of any kind with a MM whose wife is about to have another child? And what excuse does he give you for why he is having an affair? Can't be that his wife doesn't want sex because she is PREGNANT. What a disaster. And you think this guy is all that great? Screwing around on his pregnant wife? Is it because he is younger that makes you all woozy and not thinking clearly? The STD's BOTH of you are exposing your spouses too is unbelievable. Tell your husband what you are doing. Give him the opportunity to find someone who won't cheat on him.
ladydesigner Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Davnnic you should end this affair now. So many of the posters here know what they are talking about. We have either had affairs ourselves or been betrayed by our SOs or Spouse. There is no winner or winning in these situations. There are no good feelings in them as well. The great feelings you are feeling with your AP are hormones in the brain going off that's what happens to help you bond with the person, but unfortunately you are both married. You will end up getting hurt and you will feel like you were a piece of a** on the side. Save yourself the misery down the road and read some of the stories here. Leave this a**hole and go No Contact, it will hurt but not as much as it will down the road. Let this man be with his family (as unhappy or as he portrays "unhappy") and let him and his wife have their baby in peace.
Devil Inside Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Davnnic..the anguish you feel now...take it and multiply it by a thousand...that is where you are headed. Trust me...I know..and so does everyone else here. I think that you need to decide if you still want to be married...and in order to do that you can't be with this other guy...your judgment is not even close to being accurate with all the emotions flying around. Do yourself a favor and end it with him so that you can figure out what you want. You don't want to hate yourself in the future. I'm not saying staying in your marriage is the right thing...but there is no way you can decide that while you're still in an affair with this other married man. Read the other stories on this site. We all felt like we found love. We definitely found what was missing from our own marriages...but that is not necessarily love. I know, I myself, have never experienced the pain I did from losing my lover and from hurting my family...it is way worse than facing up to your marriage...or potentially divorcing him. Good luck.
Author Davnnic Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 We ahve been friends for a long time before we got to this A; the pregnant W is unfortunate-but I have known many men who cheat when their spouse/SO is pregnant-it happens more than people think. Is it right? NO, but an A is never right, regardless of the circumstances. Yes, there will be hurt for just about all involved-I have never truly known any marraige where infidelity either EA or PA was not an issue. It is pervasive and sad...and anyone who is feeling holier than thou, should not-I didn't look for this to happen, in fact if someone told me this would occur I would have thought they were crazy. But I'm in it now, so there has to be a resolution somehow
bentnotbroken Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 We ahve been friends for a long time before we got to this A; the pregnant W is unfortunate-but I have known many men who cheat when their spouse/SO is pregnant-it happens more than people think. Is it right? NO, but an A is never right, regardless of the circumstances. Yes, there will be hurt for just about all involved-I have never truly known any marraige where infidelity either EA or PA was not an issue. It is pervasive and sad...and anyone who is feeling holier than thou, should not-I didn't look for this to happen, in fact if someone told me this would occur I would have thought they were crazy. But I'm in it now, so there has to be a resolution somehow There is. The all of the absolute truth. No bull, no minimizing, and no avoiding questions. Then deal with it like a big girl.
Devil Inside Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 But I'm in it now, so there has to be a resolution somehow I cheated on my wife...so I am definitely not going to give you a holier than thou speech...trust me on this. I am going to tell you that I can see where this is headed...and it's going to hurt YOU. It will also hurt the others involved...but it's really going to hurt YOU. I too had an affair with a married person. She left her spouse. I didn't leave my wife. I loved her...like I have loved nobody else...but I didn't leave. I didn't leave because in the end...I didn't think what we had was strong enough to make it through what we had to do...I didn't thik I would be strong enough to get a divorce, go through a custody battle, support her through a custody battle, move out of state...and make a new relationship work. When he sees his baby born...I am sure he will not be able to leave then. He has already said he will not leave because of his children. You have already said you want more. So where does this end. It ends with somebody getting their heart broken..and you will most likely be on that list. Say you both keep it like it is...stay married but continue to see each other. Eventually one of you will be caught. Then you will have to decide what to do. He will probably have to leave you and work on his marriage. If you get caught what will you do? Will you divorce your husband? I just have seen this story too many times to think it could end in a happy way. I know it would hurt to stop seeing him now...but it would hurt a lot less then continuing on this path. Tell him that you love him, want to be with him, but cannot do that until he is divorced and you are as well...if you two are really meant to be then you can do it then...that would be the least painful resolution. Good luck. I know how hard it is to be in your spot.
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